[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in

I just can’t believe some of u are soooo young u didn’t experience the early 2000s at all like even briefly . U were born and ur mother door dashed you home from the hospital

actually i was in the NICU for a couple weeks after being pieced together by surgeons but whatever lmao

That’s because she used klarna. To pay through 4 easy installments with no interest

Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done

yes this exactly

phrase added to permanent vocabulary

“Sorry for DMing you” “sorry for inboxing you” my brother you could throw a brick at me and i would probably just look at the invisible camera and smirk saying “heh. Get a load of this guy”

reblog to disturb jk rowling

anyone else feel compelled to be like “☝️ ‼️” when your birth date is mentioned in either fiction or nonfiction but then sometimes you be watching true crime and it’s like “the victim’s eviscerated remains were located on november 27th” and you’re like ah.. birthday.. ☝️.. but i am sorry

yknow how the greener parts of apple skin are tan lines from where leaves and branches obscure the sun? I’m surprised I’ve never seen anyone utilize that for printmaking