MetatronHater!

is this a safe space to say i did NOT like fts (from the sidelines) 💔🥀

watching Skam France for the first time, the trajectory of my life has been drastically altered 😭

read my first ever drarry fic today… yeah i can see why people like it, i will be reading more 🥀

SOOO, mini update about my trans journey… I’ve embraced that I want to be referred to using he/him pronouns, as well as they/them 🙏🏻 I haven’t told anyone this yet (im planning on a way to tell my friend first soonish) and im looking into buying a binder. But this time im going to HIDEEEE that mf before my mum can get her hands on it and take it away again 😭 She’s going away for 2 weeks in February, which is when i plan on acquiring the binder 😭 But tbh im 18 she can’t exactly say or do anything theoretically 🤘🏻🤘🏻

unrelated to anything but i think im trans and i haven’t stopped crying. I thought i was trans during covid and came out to my mum but she shunned me, told me off and took me to therapy. For the past 5 years ive been trying to ignore that part of me like i had been doing for a very long time. Recently however ive become so much more awake and aware of who i am and where i want to go. As a result its led me to be fantasising about myself as a boy like i had done previously. Its so scary i really dont want to be trans, my family is closed minded and cruel as are my friends, i cant lose them. What if this is just another ‘phase’? I love being feminine but i hate it so much at the same time, when i was younger i tried so hard to reject my femininity. I’m 18 soon to by 19 i feel like my ‘phases’ should theoretically be over now but why am i still so hung up on the idea of being a boy? i feel like im wasting so much potential time of me being my true self but then what if im just confused? I feel like i look ugly masculine but im so ugly feminine. Im so confused and i hate it, i hate my body, my brain and my heart.