Bean's Fireplace

Hi! I don't post personal things here often but this is important and it will help with more people seeing it!

Help us file a lawsuit to stand up to my sister's EX FRIEND.

She refuses to pay her back ~$8.3k+, even after persistent cordial requests and after obtaining a lawyer to send a legal demand letter to her address to request for the money offically. In fact, her lawyer and, by extension SHE, HAS GONE RADIO SILENT.

This has been an ongoing struggle since 2022 and she still hasn't paid up, causing financial distress of various degrees, so now we have to take her to court!

However, the court fees are understandably expensive so we need your help.

Commissions, tips, and even donations to kofi will all go to this fund goal and any amount will be helpful and greatly appreciated.

Current progress: 580 / 6000

Kofi

I was talking to someone, who we'll call Tina, about their ex we'll name JJ. Both parties will be referred to with They/them.

JJ said they were always 'financially unstable' and while I was talking to Tina they said something interesting.

"Financial instability is not the same as financial irresponsibility. Both are living styles, one is a choice."

Makes sense. So let's play a game. Which is which?

Say I was complaining about being unable to pay the bills?

That's financial instability.

What if I'm able to have 4 different meals in a day, but can't pay the house?

That's Financial irresponsiblity.

What if I can't buy food for tonight, or I have to worry about tomorrow's food?

Financial instability.

What if I can't buy a game?

Well, choosing bills and food over a game is an important distiction, because if you choose to buy a game when food isn't on the table, that's Financially irresponsible.

Makes sense.

Tina then explains to me that JJ had an important thing to pay off, we'll say driving lessons. JJ needed to pay about 400 dollars for a driving school because they needed their license and they lived alone with no one to teach them.

Sounds good! You have a plan, while still paying for bills, you can save up for that!

Tina then explains the twist. JJ has 10 - 40 extra dollars per paycheck, but they didn't put that towards their driving school. Instead they put it towards games.

JJ has food on the table and their rent was paid off, they deserves a game once in a while, right?

"Yes," So says Tina. "But here's the thing. If JJ has 10 - 40 dollars every other week and NEVER puts it into that important thing, that's a choice. [Driving school] is the important thing and while you're allowed to play games, the difference is are you buying a game EVERY TIME you have that extra? Are you putting half and half into that important thing and the other for fun things? Or are you putting it all into the important thing?"

Everything is a balance, and it's fine if you do 50 / 50, because you add something to that and put something into yourself.

It's better if you're able to fully put that money into driving school. Especially if you budget everything out the way you need to, because less to think about.

But if you CHOOSE to spend it ALL on a game and 'spoil' yourself, that's irresponsible because something else more pressing is right there.

I nod, taking this information in. "Is that why you broke up with them?"

"Yes, but there's more." I wave my hand for them to continue. "You and me are in similar financial states." I nod, agreeing. "They know that I genuinely struggle putting food on the table." They took a calming breath. "Once they asked me to 'buy more' for them, because they didn't have money."

I winced. "But they did have money."

They nod. "They were just putting in different places that they couldn't use later."

"So... did you buy more for JJ?"

Tina threw their hands up. "Yeah! And it was hard! A 4 dollar candy bag can be the difference between buying milk or not!"

I sigh, knowing that feeling. Worrying about paying for gas and still buying rice for a family. "And did they buy anything for you?"

Tina shrugged. "Once. They bought me a soda which was maybe a dollar, but I was still happy about it! JJ bought me a dollar soda and got one of my favorite flavors, so it was nice that they were thinking of me!"

I looked at Tina, tilting my head. "But...?"

Tina sighed. "But.... it was once. Not even once in a while. *Once*. I was the one buying for JJ more often than not."

I wince, not liking the sound of that. "So JJ is not only financially Irresponsible, but also financially disrespectful." Tina looked at me, wanting to rebutt and I pouted at them.

Tina sighed. "Yeah, unfortunately."

I shake my head. "The audacity to be financially irresponsible and putting off that important thing for so long, then to be financially disrespectful is downright *insane*. You cannot expect your partner to pay for you all the time, you cannot expect your partner to help you. Especially being you don't live together!"

Tina nodded again, sighing. "It's probably why we had so little dates. JJ's money and time and attention went into gaming. Everytime we had a date, they insisted on having 100 dollars as the budget."

I pout. "That sucks. That makes you feel like a burden, especially when JJ has complained about being 'financially unstable'. Not all dates have to be expensive."

Tina jolted in their chair. "EXACTLY. I SENT THEM SO MANY DATES ON INSTA THAT WERE CHEAP OR FREE, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN A ROUGH PATCH. IT'S NOT THAT HARD!"

I shake my head. "It's hard when it's a low effort partner."

~~~~~~~

Financial instabilty eats away at your body via stress or hunger.

Financial irresponsibility doesn't eat away at anything but your life and important bills.

*to the rhythm of Adam's breakdown in Hazbin hotel"

Nose bleed...

Please do not approach me now.

God damn, where did the hell the time go now?

How am I still standing under this pressure

Under all this anger,

I swear, I am. gonna. break.

Please now, universe please and help me soothe me low

I swear. I can't take another blow.

My bones are heavily aching,

My muscles are quaking.

Get a grip

Take a dare

I can stop you right there!

There's no call for harrass(ment)

Swallow your pride

Set your shamefullness fly(ing)

Bitch you better fall. Back.

~~~~

I'm overwhelmed.

Money problems

Friends.

Reminders of those who were.

I'm so angry.

And so tired.

No one. None of my friends know how hard I push my lungs to breathe.

A simple hello drives my tears deeper into the dark.

They can't know

They. Can't. Know.

When did it start falling apart?

When did I stop telling them?

When did I pull back?

When will they *notice*.

They didn't.

All of them.

For one year or five.

For two years.

Three years.

I swallow the rocks that block my throat.

Because I refuse to hurt them.

I refuse to be angry.

They've been through. So .uch.

I'm.

Realize this. I will call you out on your bullshit. For I will not stand for it.

I will not stand for it.

I.

Will.

Not.

Life will happen the way I needs to.

I don't need your permissions or your sorry excuses.

I don't need your follow or your @.

I don't need proof to know you're there.

I need someone to just see.

To be.

To help.

To guide.

Don't fucking ground me, a bird finding their wings.

Don't fucking drown me as a creature who breathes.

Do not fucking tell me you want me to be happt then follow it up with a god. Damn. "But...."

Because I'll have you know. I studied enough psychology to understand that the shit behind people's words, are the lies they wish to mask.

The first thing you say, is society's terms. The second thought, what comes after the "But...." are your conditions.

Blind yourself with my light, as you so wish to drown.

You will never hear the strength of a lion's voice as you have kept them in a cage.

You tried to put blinders on a horse when they barely were tamed.

You. Cannot.

Hold.

Me.

Back.

You want me to be happy?

You think I'm a good friend?

You think I'm good to just rant at?

Think the fuck again.

I'm tired of this shit.

I'm tired to being withheld.

Fuck you.

Cut your losses.

Drown in your own misery.

Drown in the attention you crave from the posts you make.

May both of you drown in the silence of my absence.

For I do not need permission to exist.

I do not need someone dismissing me.

I do not need someone silencing me.

I do not need someone restraining.

my silence.

Will be louder.

Than your attempts.

To drown it out.

Fuck the panic attack.

Fuck the world.

Someone will meet EXCEED my standards.

I will not be unloved.

I will not be unheard.

I will not. Be drowned.

I have found my voice.

My rhythm.

And you.

Are not part of it.

Any. More.

So go blame your crazy EX.

So go blame they who didn't communicate their "hurt"

I shouldn't have to. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.

You YOU ASKED ME HOW I WAS.

FRESHLY OFF THE BREAKOFF.

DEEP IN DEPRESSION. DEEP IN ANXIETY. DEEP IN POOLS OF TEARS YOU NEVER SAQ.

And I needed. A minute. God forbid. I need another second of your time.

To process.

I. Am not. Like you. You, who runs around, posting so many photos to show you're "fine"

You who only hang out with men.

You who hang out with people who use you.

you'd say you'd fucking listen.

And you chose. To stay.

Stagnation is not a fault in one's actions, but a choice in another's movement.

You can choose to stand there, calling foe my help, asking for my help.

But you. Have not. Checked on me

In a month. Because I have not called back.

It's. Not. My. Job.

Make your damn efforts.

They'll fall on deaf ears.

~~~

I have wanted to reduce to names.

Wanted.

I will not leave these with the worst of me.

I will be better.

Not better than them.

Better than the child I was. The anger I held then. To want to name call.

But you all still have names. Most of you at least.

That girl

Poison

Lab

The time ticks slowly. But it's ticking.

My silence

Will not be your ammo.

Growth is not the action of stating a fact, but the art of noticing.

Growth cannot be done all at once. You do not see a flower, freshly planted, grow straight to it's bloom.

It roots

And tests.

It absorbs

And rejects.

As the stem grows the leaves do not start.

As the leaves sprout the flowers still do not bud.

Only then do the buds begin to peak.

Growth is not all at once, a forced to be.

It.

Is the art of noticing.

And both of you, have failed to notice, how I could have felt.

Cared for.

Loved

Adored.

Appreciated.

I will be the unkind mind you run from.

For I have been caged and silenced.

For.

Too.