you're my favorite sweetheart

just got a call from the american psychiatric association. you old dogs, i said, picking up on the first ring. how many times i gotta tell you to lose this number. i don’t want you coming around here anymore. “listen, toots, we’ve been doing some thinking,” they says, and i says, guess there’s a first time for everything. “you’re a real funny dame, sugardoll. reviewing criticism, we’ve determined that the biggest issue with our previous diagnostic and statistic manuals of mental disorders is the anonymity of it all. we’ve been circling around a vague figure of the mentally well without defining the traits of a mentally well person. there’s no personality. what we need is a cute broad with a couple opinions to model the psychological norm.” so i’m saying back up and give it to me straight: i’m the new standard of sanity? can i get that in writing? and they say, “as the american psychiatric association we hereby state that you are the baseline and any deviations from your personality are deviations from the very concept of sanity, at least in the united states psychiatric system.” they’re making it public tomorrow. it’s a nice gig, if you really want to know. never thought they’d let a woman do it.

some of you would be a lot happier if you didn't use 4chan words

defunctland episode released immediately upon your death chronicling all failed career paths and relationships and somehow michael eisner is still at fault

fake people pleasers when marlon brando arrives

you guys would actually date your favourite characters? ngl i always gag a little thinking about that as a concept

batshit normal

I just felt someone Z-target me

[clearly circle-strafing you] don't be ridiculous

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

i come bearing bad news to all of my early sunsets over monroeville fans: the monroeville mall is set for demolition in early spring 2027

notice that no one on MTV Cribs has an emergency eyewash station