rayne

8•17•19; 12:24 am

when i look up at the night sky

all i see is her

every constellation

every star

and every cloud

in the beautiful night sky

is

her

she is the shimmering moon

she is every planet

she is the milky way

she is the galaxy

galaxy girl

that’s who she is

my galaxy girl

when i think of the universe

all i can see is her

my universe

when i look up at all the stars glistening in the moonlight

all i see is her

she outshines them

she outshines everything

my galaxy girl

my

sweet

beautiful

galaxy

girl

i just spent an entire week

completely by her side

i’ve never felt more whole

my missing puzzle piece has been found

i felt complete

but now she’s gone again

we talked about the future

but what if there is no future

i hope there is

because the only time i feel happy

is the time i spend by her side

it was the best week of my life

not even gonna lie

but now i’m sad it’s over

what do i do now

i miss her so much

my final puzzle piece is gone

for now

i hope she returns soon

so i stop touching everything she touched longingly reaching for the last traces of her

this is dedicated to:

her; the girl i’m falling in love with; even though she will never feel the same way

she is: a sunset

she is: a sunrise

she is: a pretty flower

she is: the shimmering moon and stars in the night sky

she is: the comforting noises of crickets chirping

she is: listening to your favorite song while driving with all the windows down on a late night and feeling the summer breeze on your skin

she is: a warm cup of tea on a cool autumn morning

she is: getting under your favorite blanket after taking a long warm shower

she is: when you find out the best news and you overflow with happiness

she is: when you’re laughing uncontrollably with your best friend and feeling on top of the world

she is: sitting on a roof stargazing with your best friend

she is: everything i could ever want or need

i would sacrifice everything for her

food

i either eat too much or too little

never anything in between

i’ve gone hungry for days

felt guilty over every small i’ve ate

then i would go and binge

still feeling guilty

but also fixing the hunger deep inside me

i’ve been doing this for 5 years

5 years of feeling guilty over everything i’ve ate

5 years of craving compliments saying that i look skinnier

5 years of intrusive thoughts over weight

5 years of my life wasted doing this

i know it’s a problem

but i don’t know how to stop

i don’t know the right steps to fix this

will i ever stop

i hope so

i want to be able to feel free in my own body

i want to feel like my body

i s

my body and not some alien

but i don’t know how yet

laying in bed awake late at night

every night

thinking of you

thinking of us

or how much i want us

you’re my best friend

i don’t want to mess us up

i’m sorry

but

i’m

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

in love

i wish i wasn’t

i wish i was straight and just liked some guy

but no

i like you

i like stargazing at 3 am with you

i like laying on my floor with you and laughing so hard my stomach hurts

i like watching the sunset with you

i like watching you react to something cute

i like when you laugh so hard you start crying

i like the look you give me at 4 am when you think i’m the funniest person in the world

i like when we make plans about moving somewhere far away together

i like everything about you

down to every single flaw

and i know i’ll never like anyone else the same

but i also know

you’ll never like me the same

so i’m just laying here hopelessly imagining something that will never happen

laying on my bed at 2 am

just wishing

you’re my only wish

i just want you to see me the same

but you won’t