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I am getting increasingly frustrated about the conversation about Astarion being polyamorous/okay with Tav being with Halsin in the game, primarily because I think a lot of the "think pieces" are coming from 1) monogamous people who have only ever been monogamous, 2) monogamous people who have been burned/cheated on/forced into polyamory by a partner (I feel for ya'll, that wasn't okay), 3) people who are very VERY protective of Astarion, and 4) people who are blatantly uncomfortable with polyamory. My goal is not to invalidate anyone's experiences, but to share an alternate perspective.

I do think that Astarion is not only okay, but happy with Tav dating Halsin. I glean this from how he responds to being poly with ANY OTHER companion. If you ask him to share with literally anyone else, he will say no and give his reason.

Gale: He doesn’t want to be in a love triangle (which with Gale, it would be).

Lae’zel: He’s uncomfortable and Lae’zel would kill him (also true).

Wyll: He knows Wyll is old fashioned and monogamous.

Karlach: He knows Karlach’s feelings for you are strong and he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that (he even says he’d be cool with an arrangement but knows Karlach will need all of your affection based on what she’s been through).

Shadowheart: He would be cool IF Shadowheart had more experience and ya’ll were together longer. But he knows Shadowheart is fragile in her current state.

Minthara: He REALLY doesn’t like this idea and will dump you immediately.

I did also see that ***SPOILER*** they updated or are updating some of the spawn Astarion language to have issues with your affair with Mizora should you pursue it, and it requires a persuasion/deception role to keep you two together.

Up to this point in your relationship with Astarion, he has become more comfortable voicing his opinions and concerns with you. He is learning to value his autonomy and his non-physical relationships. He will tell you when he doesn’t want to do something. In fact, he’ll break up with you over pushing his boundaries. He is fine with you pursuing the Drow twins and fine with you sleeping with Haarlep, even comforts you when Haarlep uses your form. So when he says he is okay with you pursuing Halsin, he means it. Yes, he voices his insecurity with you that you may be pursuing Halsin because you and he haven’t had sex in a while. But he acknowledges that Halsin has experience in this arrangement and doesn’t pose a threat to your relationship. Plus, if you kiss Halsin in front of him, he’ll say “don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying the show.”

To me, the idea that this is the ONE thing that Astarion doesn't have agency over in an arc of showing he can speak up for himself is you sleeping with Halsin is an idea that takes more agency from Astarion. He is a grown man. A 240 YEAR OLD man. That trauma he's endured does not mean he needs to be babied or coddled because he can't make his own choices. I think that's an unfair assumption to put on him that Halsin and Tav being together is the ONLY thing he can't enforce his boundaries on.

If he didn't want you to be with Halsin, he would say no like every other monogamous character in the game.

If you want a good example of someone saying yes just because they want to keep you, look at Karlach. You can tell she is HEARTBROKEN when you ask her, but she says “I don’t want to lose you”. That is not an enthusiastic participant in a polyamorous relationship. Astarion says “yeah, go for it! Just give me some reassurance”. Polyamory is not immune to insecurity. I've asked for reassurance in my own relationships and so has my primary partner. That’s not unenthusiastic. That’s realistic as shit. If you ask him about the relationship after you finish his questline, he doesn’t need reassurance because you’re having sex again. That’s also super realistic.

Am I sensitive to this as someone who practices ENM? Almost certainly. It's hard to see a lifestyle I live be villainized and claimed to be "forced" onto characters. I was actually really excited that I could pursue both Astarion and Halsin, and that Halsin places so much importance on consent and not misleading your partner. And it sucks SOO much to see one of my favorite characters be reduced to "oh, he's only doing it because he's afraid to lose Tav." It makes me almost feel bad for liking the interactions between them and enjoying to option. Do I think people mean to make me or other poly people feel bad? No.

But it does.

Headcanons are headcanons. I get it. People are absolutely allowed to interpret the poly aspect of BG3 how they want to. People are allowed to feel uncomfy with how it's portrayed and not pursue it. But it still bums a queer ENM Astarion and Halsin lover out.

As it turned out, being in a relationship with Taph was not quite so different to not being in a relationship with her– at least so far. The only real difference, Gale had found, was that they bickered a little bit less. That, and Taph allowed him the joy of holding her hand when they sat around the campfire with their companions, but only if he asked. It wasn’t that Gale was frustrated by the way Taph was still so hot-and-cold with him despite acknowledging their feelings for each other, no. He was just deeply confused. Granted, his own relationship history wasn’t exactly healthy by any stretch of the imagination so he didn’t have much to compare to, but even so Gale was fairly certain it was supposed to be…not like this. 

Of all of their companions, Wyll seemed to be the closest to Gale in thinking when it came to romantic relationships and how he viewed them. The two of them had also become fast friends, often joking they were the group’s moral compasses (even if the compass was often ignored), so he felt comfortable opening up to Wyll about his confusion on where his relationship with Taph stood. 

“Mate, I think you just need to talk to her,” Wyll advised one night as they finished their goblets of wine. “I know communication in relationships is not…something you’re used to–”

“That’s certainly a delicate way of putting it.” Gale laughed bitterly. By now, the warlock was well aware of Gale’s sordid history with Mystra, and like everyone else in camp, Wyll agreed that Mystra had only ever been looking out for herself when it came to her relationship with Gale. 

Wyll laughed. “I’m just saying…maybe she isn’t either. You may have to be the one to take the leap.” 

Gale sighed. “Once again, Wyll, I find myself in awe that someone so young could be so wise.”

“I’m not that much younger than you!” Wyll squawked with a laugh. 

“I’m nearly a decade your senior, friend,” Gale reminded him as he stood up. He needed to find Taph. Gale finished the remaining liquid in his goblet and handed the empty vessel to Wyll, clapping him on the shoulder as he walked by. “Thank you, Wyll, for the sage advice. I shall let you know how it goes.” 

Taph was not in her tent, and it was not her turn to take the first watch, so Gale immediately worried. It was late enough that none of them should be wandering alone (except for perhaps Astarion, who needed to wander alone at night to feed), no matter how skilled they were in their various crafts. Gale was about thirty feet from their campsite when he heard the sounds of a lyre coming from the west, and a soft smile bloomed on Gale’s face. He should have known the sorceress snuck off to play her instrument– that seemed to be where Taph felt the most at peace. Though the fact that she snuck off to play was unusual– she was a performer by nature, and playing in front of Gale and the rest of the group was not something that had ever seemed to make her uncomfortable before. Gale’s curiosity had been piqued. 

As Gale drew closer to the sound of the lyre, he also began hearing the sound of Taph’s sweet voice, singing a tune he did not recognize. Was she working on something new? He found her in a clearing with a small lantern illuminating the immediate space surrounding her, though the moon was bright enough that evening that she probably did not need it. Taph looked radiant, bathed in the moonlight. Drow were often striking regardless of the time of day, but Gale had come to learn that they truly were their most beautiful in the darkness, where the lights were low, only illuminated what needed illuminating. In the dim light, it sometimes seemed as though Taph was almost glowing. Gale smiled at the sight of her before announcing himself. “There you are! I was wondering where you’d gone off to.” 

The drow jumped slightly regardless of Gale’s efforts not to startle her. Her mask was on the ground next to her, and it made Gale feel all warm and fuzzy inside when Taph did not immediately reach for her most treasured accessory to throw it back on her face. He’d meant it when he told her that she shouldn’t hide her eyes away from the world. They were beautiful and expressive, and quite honestly that she still felt the need to wear her mask at camp with their friends saddened Gale. It was nice that she trusted him enough to leave it off when they were alone (which, admittedly, hadn’t been very often), but he wished he could somehow give her the confidence to share her beauty with everyone else. 

“Sorry, I’ve been working on something, and I needed some peace and quiet to finish it.” Taph explained her absence, but Gale waved his hand. 

“No apology necessary, dearest, and I completely understand wanting to get away from the madness of camp. It’s gotten quite full now that Halsin, Scratch, and the owlbear cub have all joined us,” Gale replied with a warm smile and a wave of his hand. Gale strode over to the sorceress and sat down beside her. “This is actually rather convenient, as I sought you out in hopes we could talk.” 

Taph immediately looked wary, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Talk? About what?” 

Gale paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to best approach the subject. He didn’t want to seem too needy, or like he was accusing her of not doing enough to show him she cared. A delicate conversation, to be led by someone who wasn’t always the most delicate in explaining how he felt. Surely this wouldn’t end in disaster at all. “I just wanted to make sure you’re still happy? With us, I mean.”

Taph stared at him in confusion and Gale immediately began regretting even bringing up this conversation at all. Had he completely over thought this? “What I mean to say is that since we established that you and I are in some sort of romantic partnership, not…not much has changed? So I suppose I just wanted to make sure that this is…something you still want?” 

“You’re talking about sex, right? The fact that we haven’t done anything. It bothers you, doesn’t it?” Taph continued to eye him warily, and a horrified look spread across Gale’s face.

“Gods, no, that’s not it at all! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would be honored to lay at your side beneath the stars now that I don’t need to worry about any undue excitement causing me to explode, but that isn’t what this is about,” 

Blush crept across Taph’s face as Gale admitted that he would like to, someday, sleep with her and he instantly regretted ever bringing it up. “I just meant that you don’t seem to be very…interested. In me. Or anything much to do with me beyond sitting next to me at the end of a long day and holding my hand, or walking beside me when we travel. If it’s a matter of what you’re comfortable with, I understand and will respect whatever boundaries you put into place, but I do need you to talk to me. Much as I would like to be, I’m not a mind reader, so I only know how you feel and what you need if you express it.”

Taph stared at Gale as he talked at her. Gale was rambling, but that’s just how his mind worked when he knew he said the wrong thing and he needed to backtrack to fix it. It was all word vomit until he found the right thing to say, and the fact that Ao granted him the gift of verbosity but not the ability to always use that skill correctly was honestly a curse. 

“You know, I came out here to finish a song that I’ve been writing. For you.” Taph admitted with a soft smile on her face, the blush creeping back in. 

“For– for me?” Gale confirmed with surprise, and Taph nodded. 

“You’ve probably noticed I’m not very good at talking about my feelings, but singing about them? I could do that all day. Would you like to hear it?”

The surprised look on Gale’s face did not fade, as nobody had ever given him a gift like this before. For Taph to write him a song…she must really care, he surmised. “I would love to hear it.” 

“Okay, just be warned, I’ve literally just finished it and was practicing, so it might not be very good.” Taph warned him, and Gale shook his head.

“That you wrote me anything at all means I already think it’s wonderful.” Gale reassured her. 

Taph began plucking the strings of her lyre. The melody was soft and lilting and even without words, Gale was already transfixed by the music itself. Then Taph started to sing. The lyrics were their story: how they met, how she didn’t care for him at first, how her feelings for him took her by surprise. These were all points, of course, that Gale already knew just from talking to her (and being there), but hearing in the form of a song made it sound much more romantic. The song continued, and Gale’s heart did a backflip in his chest as Taph sung about wanting him. About kissing him, about feeling his body against hers, about making love under a blanket of stars, just as Gale had mentioned earlier whilst rambling. She sang about the way he looked at her, and how it made her feel safe, and Gale had to stop himself from leaning towards her and kissing her right then and there. 

When the song ended, Taph blushed and averted Gale’s gaze entirely, like she could not believe she’d just bared her soul to someone so fully. She almost looked embarrassed. The song was the most vulnerable he’d ever seen Taph be, and the fact that the sorceress was willing to be so vulnerable with him? Gale just might fall in love with her. “Yeah, so. That’s the song. I hope it helps.” Taph told him awkwardly, and he saw the familiar look in her eyes like she wanted to retreat as quickly as possible. 

“Helps?” Gale said with an incredulous laugh. “Taph, it was wonderful. I am honored to have had such a lovely song written about me. Knowing you feel this way…it certainly makes me feel better.” He reached over to her and took her hand in his gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. 

“Okay, good. I’m glad. I didn’t know how else to tell you without feeling like I wanted to burst into flames and die from embarrassment.” Taph laughed softly.

“What is there to be embarrassed about, sweetheart? You’re human–so to speak– emotions are part of humanity, whether we like it or not,” Gale chuckled. “Look at me?” 

His request was gentle, but he wanted to look into Taph’s eyes as he was as vulnerable with her as she’d just been with him. “For what it’s worth, I feel the same way you do. I want us to have it all. Everything you sang about and more. Nothing would give me greater pleasure,” He smiled at her. “May I be so bold as to ask to kiss you?” 

Taph chewed on her lip for a moment, but a smile was blooming on her face as she nodded. Gale’s heart did another backflip as his eyes lowered to her mouth, and he reached out to cup her face in his free hand. Gale leaned forward, averting his gaze back to her eyes only for a brief moment to give her an opportunity to change her mind. Instead he was met with Taph leaning in, and their mouths connected in a soft, sweet kiss moments later.