PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

#extradirty
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle
will byers stan first human second
Today's Document

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taylor price
Claire Keane
Peter Solarz


blake kathryn

oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day

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@rayinbrown

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OH MY GOD BATSIBS ARE SO BARBIE LIFE IN THE DREAM HOUSE:
-Dick: Barbie (obviously)
-Jason: Skipper
-Tim: Stacie
-Damian: Chelsea
-Wally: Ken
DO WE SEE THE VISION????
eepy duke and damian ft alfred for @spinninggaround via @dcforgaza
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 77 (masterpost here)
*heavy rain downpour*
Damian: -my point is, gothamites are completely delusional when it comes to their pride in being from Gotham. you weirdos are way too smug about being from this shithole of a city and it comes off like that arrogant family with no shame that thought being from the south effected their personality.
Dick, confused: ...arrogant family from the south?
Jason: no shame-? do you fucking mean the family from the TV show Shameless? set on the south side of Chigaco?
Damian: yes.
Dick: *wheeze* arrogant family with no shame from the south-!
Jason: who the fuck let this child watch Shameless!? that show is so inappropriate! Robin, what the fuck?!
Damian, dry: Red Robin watches it while i'm in the room. and how can watching anything on that ridiculous television show be worse than what i witness on a nightly basis as Robin?
*pause*
Jason: ...alright fine but i'm still pissed at Red. that fucker's supposed to be a responsible uncle to you.
Dick: did you just say 'uncle'?
Jason, cutting him off: fucking- *frustrated* OK. i cannot see in this fuckass rain, i swear to god i'm going to install a windshield wiper onto the front of this helmet.
Damian: *hum* yes, Nightwing and I have been ducked under a restaurant overhang for the past ten minutes waiting for the worst to subside. a waiter brought us a bread basket.
*water splashing*
Jason: see, Batman didn't offer any of us any fucking consolation bread. he just looked at the weather report and went 'huh, neat, how about that', and then pointed us in the direction of our suits and fucked off to go do his indoor stakeout.
Damian, mournfully: i wish i was as pathetic as Red Robin. then maybe i could break a leg every now and then and get out of patrolling in bad weather...
Dick: are we not going to go back to Hood calling Red Robin your-
Jason: *yelp* *harsh smack* *metal clang* FUCK.
*a beat, Jason groaning lowly*
Damian, solemnly: man down.
Jason: this fucking rain makes these stupid fucking fire escapes so FUCKING slippery,
Dick: are you hurt? do you need us to come help with anything?
Damian: Nightwing, i understand you care for your brother, but please do not make me go back out into the wet to help him. i have a backup dad, it's fine if we lose this one to the elements.
Jason: ok seriously fuck you Damian-,
Dick, exasperated: -wHAT DO YOU MEAN, BACKUP DAD? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Jason, dead serious: kid let me tell you, if he snitches to B about this, i will kill myself in front of you.
Dick: ok- one, you two really need to stop talking about us all like we aren't in front of you when we are. two; how dare you. i have never snitched to B on anything in my life. that's the first rule in the batkid code and i wrote that damn manual.
*a beat of quiet*
*pattering of rain*
Damian: *loud crunch of a breadstick*
Jason: alright. at least i'm already laying down for it.
Damian, judgemental: you haven't gotten up yet-?
Dick: what is it?
Damian: ...the Red Hood is my Father.
*a beat*
Dick: aha, no.
Jason: *snort* *airily* ah, the first stage of grief.
Dick: you two lie all the time, this is just sloppy. plus, you've already lied to B about being Robin's dad, so. you can't recycle old shit.
Jason: mhm, mhm, mhm, and i usually would agree with you wing-ding m'boy, i would... except i never lied about being Robin's father. i just lied about sleeping with Talia to freak B out and piss her off.
Damian: yes... and while that was a lie, the fact that Hood is of biological paternal relation to me is entirely truthful. that's why Batman's blood tests came up as positive. they both, technically, are direct ancestors to me and thus contributory to my development.
Jason: you know you don't have to use that many scientific words, you can just say you have my eyes.
Damian: it is the result of the biological experimentation that occurred around my birth and throughout my early childhood, Nightwing. we are not lying.
*silence*
*more silence*
Damian: Hood. he's just staring at me. what do i do.
Jason, whining: man, we should have waited until later when we met up, i wanted to see this!
*distant mew*
Jason: oh fuck, a cat. *cat impression* mrow,
Dick: you... Robin... *stage-whispering, audibly tearful* are you- are you saying you're my biological nephew?
Damian: w-
*abrupt pause*
Damian: um.
Damian: i mean- i mean no,
Jason, baffled: -dude you know me and you aren't related, right?
Dick: so you- so you have two dads?! Batman and Red Hood?!
Damian: yes. and please keep saying that exact sentence in public because the misleading wording will no doubt lead to some wonderful civilian speculation.
Jason: hold on- no, no no NO, no public anything--B still doesn't know and he will continue to not know, because i am not fucking dealing with that man attempting to co-parent with me. i'll stick with being the undercover secret dad that acts like a brother 90% of the time, thank you very much.
*silence*
Damian: he is still staring at me.
Dick, whispering: i'm just- oh my god you're my baby brother and my nephew. oh my god.
Damian: you understand this changes nothing about our relationship in any way, right?
Dick: can i be godfather?
Damian: what.
Jason: mmm, i think you have to arm wrestle Tim for it? i dunno, i haven't put anything about it in my will yet.
Damian: what- Hood!
Jason: hey, if i die i need to know that i'm not leaving you with just B, habibi. i need to have a backup secret-dad in place for you.
Damian: what is wrong with this family-
Dick, in awe: i have a nephew.
*faint bell chime, door swinging*
*inaudible mumbles*
Damian: oh, thank you. yes, the bread is delicious.
*more mumbles, slightly hesitant*
Damian: ...no, Nightwing is fine. i can assure you,
*more mumbles*
Damian: ...because he just remembered he's gluten free. actually- do you have an epipen?
Jason: *abrupt cackle*
Dick, snapping back to himself and dropping his voice by at least three octaves: Robin- stop trying to stab me with random needles.
Damian, defensive: it is a proven method of snapping somebody out of shock!
Dick: just because- *voice lowering, furious whispering* just because you're Hood's son doesn't mean you have to act like him!
Jason, observationally: i raised that boy so well.
*distant meow*
Jason: shut the fuck up and get off my chest-
my ex used to get pissed off every time i showed them this video they would be like "that's not how a train works" really angrily and storm out of the room
everyones gotta stop reblogging this bro they're gonna find it and get so mad they try to strangle me again

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my ex used to get pissed off every time i showed them this video they would be like "that's not how a train works" really angrily and storm out of the room
everyones gotta stop reblogging this bro they're gonna find it and get so mad they try to strangle me again
my ex used to get pissed off every time i showed them this video they would be like "that's not how a train works" really angrily and storm out of the room
everyones gotta stop reblogging this bro they're gonna find it and get so mad they try to strangle me again
all the best to whoever is giving jee advance seriously
sharing mental health, lgbtqia+ friendly, women’s & children’s safety, and statewise hiv/aids helplines in india in case you or someone you know ever needs them. whether it’s emotional support, crisis help, or reporting abuse or harassment, there are people who will listen and help.
not all helplines pick up instantly (sad but true). if one doesn’t work, try another immediately. even if it feels small, reaching out counts.
LGBTQIA+ SPECIFIC HELPLINES:
humsafar trust, mumbai.
helpline: 022 – 266 73800 or 022- 266 – 50547
timings: monday to friday 10:30 am to 6:30 pm
lgbtqia + hiv + mental health support.
sharing mental health, lgbtqia+ friendly, women’s & children’s safety, and statewise hiv/aids helplines in india in case you or someone you know ever needs them. whether it’s emotional support, crisis help, or reporting abuse or harassment, there are people who will listen and help.
not all helplines pick up instantly (sad but true). if one doesn’t work, try another immediately. even if it feels small, reaching out counts.
LGBTQIA+ SPECIFIC HELPLINES:
humsafar trust, mumbai.
helpline: 022 – 266 73800 or 022- 266 – 50547
timings: monday to friday 10:30 am to 6:30 pm
lgbtqia + hiv + mental health support.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Tim and Jason sitting in the manor with Damian, helping him out with his college application
Tim: D why does your resume say that you actively volunteer at an orphanage? The hours you put on here say you work there more than full time.
Jason: I am totally for lying on your resume, but you have to at least make it believable brat. If you’re gonna commit a crime at least do it well.
Damian: Those hours are accurate, they may even be a little on the lower end.
Tim: Dami wouldn’t we notice you leaving every single day to go volunteer for 10 hours a day? We would never see you.
Damian: Why would I need to leave the manor to volunteer at an orphanage?
Jason: . .
Tim: . .
Jason: You listed Alfred as your supervisor?
Tim: WE ARE THE ORPHANS?!?
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 56 (masterpost here)
Tim: investigating the sex crime rings is the worst, but you gotta admit it does open your eyes to how... wide, the range of people's specific tastes are.
Damian: ok i'm not touching that box. that's clearly a box of uncleaned sex toys; im a minor, that's all you Nightwing.
Dick: *disgusted* mmmmm..... *whining* i'm gonna get a disease,
Tim: you're literally wearing gloves; we need to take some stuff back for DNA tracking.
Dick: well that's easy for you to say, you don't have to look through the used stuff!
Tim, unsympathetic: -listen i wanted to raid this place yesterday, before the orgy. you made us wait, you can deal with the consequences.
Damian: what are you looking at Red?
Tim: come see.
*a beat*
Damian: *snort* holy fuck, how many different ones are there?
Tim: that's what i mean, like who decides to manufacture this?!
Dick: *sounding slightly ill* what are you two looking at? i don't want Robin too deeply involved in this case, guys, he's just supposed to be lookout.
Damian: Red found the lube stash. we're seeing how many different flavours there are.
Tim: i feel like if banging isn't that satisfying for you on its own, then the problem is probably something way different than the flavour. i don't think these would help.
Damian: honestly if i was sucking dick and i tasted blueberries it would probably take me out of the mood, just from pure confusion.
Dick, aghast: ROBIN. i don't wanna hear you talking about that kind of thing?!
Damian: i'm almost fifteen, Nightwing.
Tim: *abrupt laugh* ok, you turned fourteen like two months ago-,
Dick: EITHER WAY TOO YOUNG.
Damian: *snicker*
*dull clattering*
Tim: HOLD ON, EVERYBODY SHUT UP. ok i found the winner. ladies and gentlemen, bakewell tart flavoured lube.
Damian: *cackles* no way,
Dick: guys, stop messing around. we don't know when they'll come back.
Tim: my thing about flavoured lube is that, like; somebody at the factory has to check the flavour is right before they roll it out to the public, right? so do you think- *snicker* do you- somewhere out there, there is a guy whose job is literally, 'eat lube'.
Damian, holding back laughter: ah, my dream job.
Tim: *cackle*
Damian: do you think it's accurate?
Tim, pointed: ...i dunno..,
*three seconds of silence*
Dick, wary: what are you guys doing over there?
Tim: i mean... it's still sealed and unopened, nobody's touched this one.
Damian: i will give you five dollars.
Tim: five dollars is not worth eating strange foraged lube from a crate in a warehouse, Robin.
Damian: ten.
*a beat*
Tim: yeah ok.
*faint uncapping noise*
Dick: woah hey hold on- OI- PUT THAT DOWN- YOUR DAD IS A BILLIONAIRE WHATDOYOUNEEDTENDOLLARSFOR-
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 56 (masterpost here)
Tim: investigating the sex crime rings is the worst, but you gotta admit it does open your eyes to how... wide, the range of people's specific tastes are.
Damian: ok i'm not touching that box. that's clearly a box of uncleaned sex toys; im a minor, that's all you Nightwing.
Dick: *disgusted* mmmmm..... *whining* i'm gonna get a disease,
Tim: you're literally wearing gloves; we need to take some stuff back for DNA tracking.
Dick: well that's easy for you to say, you don't have to look through the used stuff!
Tim, unsympathetic: -listen i wanted to raid this place yesterday, before the orgy. you made us wait, you can deal with the consequences.
Damian: what are you looking at Red?
Tim: come see.
*a beat*
Damian: *snort* holy fuck, how many different ones are there?
Tim: that's what i mean, like who decides to manufacture this?!
Dick: *sounding slightly ill* what are you two looking at? i don't want Robin too deeply involved in this case, guys, he's just supposed to be lookout.
Damian: Red found the lube stash. we're seeing how many different flavours there are.
Tim: i feel like if banging isn't that satisfying for you on its own, then the problem is probably something way different than the flavour. i don't think these would help.
Damian: honestly if i was sucking dick and i tasted blueberries it would probably take me out of the mood, just from pure confusion.
Dick, aghast: ROBIN. i don't wanna hear you talking about that kind of thing?!
Damian: i'm almost fifteen, Nightwing.
Tim: *abrupt laugh* ok, you turned fourteen like two months ago-,
Dick: EITHER WAY TOO YOUNG.
Damian: *snicker*
*dull clattering*
Tim: HOLD ON, EVERYBODY SHUT UP. ok i found the winner. ladies and gentlemen, bakewell tart flavoured lube.
Damian: *cackles* no way,
Dick: guys, stop messing around. we don't know when they'll come back.
Tim: my thing about flavoured lube is that, like; somebody at the factory has to check the flavour is right before they roll it out to the public, right? so do you think- *snicker* do you- somewhere out there, there is a guy whose job is literally, 'eat lube'.
Damian, holding back laughter: ah, my dream job.
Tim: *cackle*
Damian: do you think it's accurate?
Tim, pointed: ...i dunno..,
*three seconds of silence*
Dick, wary: what are you guys doing over there?
Tim: i mean... it's still sealed and unopened, nobody's touched this one.
Damian: i will give you five dollars.
Tim: five dollars is not worth eating strange foraged lube from a crate in a warehouse, Robin.
Damian: ten.
*a beat*
Tim: yeah ok.
*faint uncapping noise*
Dick: woah hey hold on- OI- PUT THAT DOWN- YOUR DAD IS A BILLIONAIRE WHATDOYOUNEEDTENDOLLARSFOR-
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 56 (masterpost here)
Tim: investigating the sex crime rings is the worst, but you gotta admit it does open your eyes to how... wide, the range of people's specific tastes are.
Damian: ok i'm not touching that box. that's clearly a box of uncleaned sex toys; im a minor, that's all you Nightwing.
Dick: *disgusted* mmmmm..... *whining* i'm gonna get a disease,
Tim: you're literally wearing gloves; we need to take some stuff back for DNA tracking.
Dick: well that's easy for you to say, you don't have to look through the used stuff!
Tim, unsympathetic: -listen i wanted to raid this place yesterday, before the orgy. you made us wait, you can deal with the consequences.
Damian: what are you looking at Red?
Tim: come see.
*a beat*
Damian: *snort* holy fuck, how many different ones are there?
Tim: that's what i mean, like who decides to manufacture this?!
Dick: *sounding slightly ill* what are you two looking at? i don't want Robin too deeply involved in this case, guys, he's just supposed to be lookout.
Damian: Red found the lube stash. we're seeing how many different flavours there are.
Tim: i feel like if banging isn't that satisfying for you on its own, then the problem is probably something way different than the flavour. i don't think these would help.
Damian: honestly if i was sucking dick and i tasted blueberries it would probably take me out of the mood, just from pure confusion.
Dick, aghast: ROBIN. i don't wanna hear you talking about that kind of thing?!
Damian: i'm almost fifteen, Nightwing.
Tim: *abrupt laugh* ok, you turned fourteen like two months ago-,
Dick: EITHER WAY TOO YOUNG.
Damian: *snicker*
*dull clattering*
Tim: HOLD ON, EVERYBODY SHUT UP. ok i found the winner. ladies and gentlemen, bakewell tart flavoured lube.
Damian: *cackles* no way,
Dick: guys, stop messing around. we don't know when they'll come back.
Tim: my thing about flavoured lube is that, like; somebody at the factory has to check the flavour is right before they roll it out to the public, right? so do you think- *snicker* do you- somewhere out there, there is a guy whose job is literally, 'eat lube'.
Damian, holding back laughter: ah, my dream job.
Tim: *cackle*
Damian: do you think it's accurate?
Tim, pointed: ...i dunno..,
*three seconds of silence*
Dick, wary: what are you guys doing over there?
Tim: i mean... it's still sealed and unopened, nobody's touched this one.
Damian: i will give you five dollars.
Tim: five dollars is not worth eating strange foraged lube from a crate in a warehouse, Robin.
Damian: ten.
*a beat*
Tim: yeah ok.
*faint uncapping noise*
Dick: woah hey hold on- OI- PUT THAT DOWN- YOUR DAD IS A BILLIONAIRE WHATDOYOUNEEDTENDOLLARSFOR-
POV of a person who has intentionally ascended to a leadership position
[doing a daily affirmation into the dressing room mirror]: I applied to be the ringmaster of this circus. I am responsible for writing the incident reports for any damages caused by or that happen to these monkeys.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
ohh so scaryyy!!
ohh so scaryyy!!