be very still

Big doggy U・ᴥ・U

“It's—I have never felt like I really had a goal, I guess. Remus, Sirius—even you. You have always known what you wanted to do.” That’s not true, Regulus wants to say, I have never known what I wanted to do at all. But he keeps silent. “I never had that,” the man continues. “I did Nursing because it seemed like the smart thing to do. My grades were good, I liked biology… It seemed like the next step. I just did it because it was logical, not because I wanted it.” Regulus almost feels awkward asking. “Did you want something else?” “No,” James shrugs, like it’s the easiest thing in the world to admit. “That's why it wasn't hard. I didn't have to give up anything to pursue my parents' dream or something. I just… I had nothing. No big plans, no life-fulfilling dreams. Just great A-level results and a lot of luck.” It seems otherworldly to Regulus, the idea of doing something just because he didn’t have anything else to do. Who didn’t have anything else to do? Regulus has been battling his parents’ expectations since he was three years old and ‘ahead of the curve’, like it was a conscious decision to start walking or talking or writing before others his age. “And you enjoy it now?” he asks, because it seems he does, right? It seems James has somehow, without a plan, without any pressure, found himself exactly where he was meant to be.