an alternative ending to 11x14
(or the one in which theyre evolving)

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an alternative ending to 11x14
(or the one in which theyre evolving)

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Castiel from Supernatural for @theangelbusiness Palette #08
hey writers
friendly reminder that you are allowed to write selfishly. Your writing is allowed to be self-indulgent. You can have self-insert characters. Your stories can be pure wish-fulfillment.
Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to please the theoretical reader that we forget our writing is first and foremost for us. Itâs our art, our self-expression, and we do it for our passion and our joy.
Use other voices and perspectives to grow your own perspective and bring more to your writing. But you donât owe it to anyone to create art for them, the way they want it.
Your writing can be a love letter to yourself.

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and here all the whale shark dragons are together!
let's talk about Buckyâs brain
I dunno if anyoneâs done this before but whatever. Specifically, I want to talk about Buckyâs brain in relation to the cannibalized MRI thing they strapped on his noggin in CA:TWS. Like what the hell is that thing, how old is it, what are you trying to do HYDRA, is this one of those weird dryer things you stick your whole head in at the hairdresserâs? They have had 70 years to perfect this technology and it looks like a high schoolerâs science fair project. There arenât even any electrodes. Seriously there should be electrodes not only because theyâre kind of necessary for this sort of thing but also because who would object to Bucky Barnes looking totally punk rock with a partially-shaved head? No one, thatâs who.
But I guess letâs just assume the plate things themselves are in contact with his head and transmitting the charge themselves. Okay. Thatâs a big area they cover and approximately zero opportunity for finesse, so they canât localize the damage at all. And thereâs still all that hair in the way. But whatever, Iâll shut up about the hair.
So the plate things are basically concentrated on the prefrontal cortex, which is at the very front of the brain, behind the forehead where the plates are located. I mean there looks like there are plates going around around the back of the head but if it only goes as deep as the cerebrum they donât want to damage anything back there because itâs all motor skills and balance and sensory perception and language centers, all of which were vital in the Winter Soldierâs functioning.Â
So yeah, the prefrontal cortex seems to be what theyâre targeting, and the prefrontal cortex is for short term memory and decision making. However, it would be indescribably stupid to damage short term memory retention, so I donât think theyâd just fry the entire prefrontal cortex. Especially if it could compromise his ability to make quick, logical decisions in the field because the prefrontal cortex is important for logic and impulse control. So I would assume that theyâre targeting the connections between the short term and long term memory storage systems rather than taking away his short term memory altogether.Â
Basically, recalling a memory thatâs stored in long-term is just the brain returning it to the short-term memory center, or the working memory, concentrated in the prefrontal cortex. From there your brain literally refires all the neurons that fired during that experience, without compromising awareness of current circumstances. So severing those connections between long and short term memory would not only stop him retaining new memories, it would stop him recalling old ones.
They could be messing with his long term memory, except there are no intracranial bits and bobs that could actually penetrate deeper than the cerebrum without frying everything in between, and the hippocampus and amygdala where long term memory is stored are in there deep.Â
This picture doesnât do justice to how deep in the brain the hippocampus and amygdala are, but it works well enough as a visual aid. You donât want to damage the amygdala in a super soldier at any rate because thatâs where the survival instincts are kicking around. Also, damaging the hippocampus on both sides of the brain would turn him into a potato, unable to retain any information at all, not even how to discharge his weapon, so youâd basically have to retrain him anew for every mission. And this contraption has clearly no finesse at all, as stated above, so I really donât think theyâd be able to destroy anything only partially or make any localized alterations.
And sure, maybe they actually opened up his head at some point in the past to get at long term memory storage, and the cryofreeze might stop that from healing, but I think the understanding of the brain was so ridiculously limited at that time that they didnât really even know how to avoid excessive damage, and I donât think they would have risked rendering one of their best assets brain dead. Honestly, I think the most likely thing they did was supplement the physical stuff with more traditional brainwashing and conditioning techniques.
So really, all Bucky needs to do is repair the connections between his long term and short term memory. Even with all this damage, the brain is adaptable even in normal humans. When certain parts are damaged, other parts can take over functioning in their stead. Although in this case, if the connections between long and short term memory were cut every time he went into the cryogenic chamber, he never would have stored any of the information gleaned as the Winter Soldier past the short term unless he managed to catch enough sleep to transfer those memories into long term storage before he got zapped or frozen again. So he would potentially remember everything about being Bucky Barnes fairly quickly, assuming his super soldier healing could repair those pathways or create new ones to compensate, and he would never remember most of his time as the Winter Soldier except what they wanted him to remember and let him encode before they took out those connections again. So basically, his combat training, his obedience training, and all that hydra indoctrination crap.
His old memories as Bucky would remain relatively pristine, because the more we view a memory the more current circumstances during the recollection alter it, and what you remember becomes less and less similar to what you actually experienced at the time. So instead of memories slowly changing and evolving as the person themself changes, which is what normally happens as we revisit memories and subtly alter them over time through new perception, Bucky would have this huge, disorienting, sickening divide between the well-preserved, untouched old memories of how he used to be and any new ones he managed to create as the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier memories will be less fleshed out, have more holes, be generally more ghost-like because of how they fucked with his brain and memories, so it would be easy for him to dissociate with them and to ignore them, but in order to ignore them Bucky would also have to ignore their consequences. He would be denying a part of himself. And he wouldnât be able to deal well with their fallout, with the ways those experiences changed him, because he wouldnât let himself examine them.
Honestly this is horrifying in its own way. All the fic Iâve read talks about how horrible it must be for the Winter Soldier to forget Bucky Barnes, but very little touches on how horrible it would be for Bucky to be all there and have a stranger in his head that he has few, dissociated memories of, but still retains a lot of that conditioning and finds himself acting like someone he doesnât even remember being. He would feel betrayed by his own body and his own mind, doing things without knowing why he was doing them. I feel like not being the same Bucky as the one who went off to war would be so frustrating to him. Fics paint it as Steve being frustrated by the fact that Buckyâs no longer the same person, but I think Bucky himself would be far more frustrated by that fact than Steve. I think the fact that heâs not the same would bother him more than Steveâs longing for him to be the same, because he would understand that longing, share it even. I think he would dissociate from the foreign Winter Soldier part of himself, would try to bury it or force it out instead of facing it, would hate whatever memories he did retain from that time, because the Winter Soldier terrifies everyone but I think he would terrify Bucky most of all. And it would make sense, too. After all, the winter soldier was always supposed to be a ghost, the unseen threat, the silent killer, and I think, rather than inhabiting Bucky, the Soldier would haunt him, something he canât prepare for or fight unless heâs willing to look through the dark to find it and confront it.
(All images blatantly stolen)
âWit beyond measure is manâs greatest treasure.â
Gryffindor | Slytherin | Hufflepuff
TEAM FREE WILL GRAPHICS CHALLENGE | envydean vs. @padaleckhi âł Prompt: Character Tropes | Fire, Ice and LightningÂ
Actually, to expand on something from my episode notes, now I know what everyoneâs upset about⌠The subject of the episode as a whole was pointless sacrifice:
Dean volunteers himself for the mission in the first place because he sees himself as useless compared to Sam and Cas so itâs okay to the wider scheme of things if he dies because he canât do anything about Amara so obviously heâs completely expendableÂ
Dean didnât even bring back the weapon although he describes himself more of an observer but his whole mission was a pointless risk that didnât work out
Dean offers to use the weapon himself knowing it could be dangerous in order to save everyone
he watches Delphine take on the power of God in a sinking ship that was going to blow up ANYWAY to kill herself to try and save the others (which didnât work)
the conversation with the sailor about how many years left in the war when the sailor has had to accept heâs dying that day and wants to know the struggle of his friends and family in similar battles wonât be in vain and Dean has to tell him thereâs YEARS left of the war (which brings in wider themes of seeing futility in war)
the choice of the command of the submarine to try and fight even after the captain has been told by a time traveller he may or may not believe that he dies that day, when the ship shows up and confirms that Dean is possibly not lying
then we have Lucifer posing as Cas doing a stupid sacrifice play to save Dean, doing a spell that would kill CasÂ
Sam cottoning on that âCasâ is making a suicide play and offering to help power him up, in a move that could potentially kill HIM
Lucifer telling Sam heâd lie to Dean as âCasâ and tell him Sam exploded because he failed said sacrifice play
Cas tells Sam that he willingly said yes to Lucifer because he wanted to be usefulÂ
Finally, Sam tells Dean that Cas volunteered to be possessed by Lucifer because he wanted to be useful and otherwise clearly saw himself as expendable.Â
With Deanâs case study of total futility and pointless or at the very most mutually destructive sacrifice he witnessed, we leave him in mourning⌠But I think itâs all completely interconnected and both around Dean and elsewhere in the episode it builds up this sense of utter hopelessness and pointless sacrifice. Delphine and Cas are paralleled for their sacrifice and Dean and Cas are paralleled for Cas saying yes and Dean volunteering for the mission in the first place. Thereâs no either/or, or even âandâ about it. Heâs emotionally destroyed by the whole lot in one go. Heâs sad about Delphine because heâs sad about Cas because heâs sad about himself.
THIS.
Dean definitely saw himself in Cas - Dean feels useless and weak, and it only makes him sadder to know that Cas feels that way too, that he has done something so dangerous and desperate just to be useful. And now, Deanâs afraid that heâll have no power to help Cas (Lucifer is an archangel after all, and the feeling of incapability brought about by Amara has clearly affected Dean strongly) - heâs afraid he can be nothing else to Cas than what he was to Delphine and the crew: the witness of their destruction.
âŚÂ

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when it comes down to it, it says a lot about Dean and Casâ relationship that the show is emphasizing Luciferâs âgetting into characterâ as literally saying Deanâs name.
The first time he really put on the act, he rolled his eyes out of Deanâs vision, lowered his voice and said his signature line: âHello, Dean.â
Then tonight he gets a phone call, says âItâs SHOWITMEâ, sits on his throne and puts on the act once again with another, resounding, âHello, Dean.â
And then to Sam, he tells him how heâll put the act on again when Dean comes back and heâll say Dean⌠no wait, lowers his voice and says, âDeanâŚâ softly instead. With more resonance and care. The way Cas says it.
To Lucifer, and to the audience, weâre forced to see what really defines Cas in those moments. What it takes to put on the act OF Castiel. And what it all comes down to, is one thing: Dean.
this was one of this stream session things :3Â
UP WITH THIS I SHALL NOT PUT
going back through gifs of THAT ONE SCENE from tonightâs ep and i canât help but wonder
did touching Samâs soul give Cas the power he needed to fight back against Lucifer?
Sam even said that Cas canât teleport on his own anymore, and we havenât seen any real attempts from him to break through yet despite Lucifer getting sidetracked on more than one occasion (feeding ducks and chaining up Crowley are just a couple examples). as much as i believe that threatening Sam or Dean would get him fighting, i feel like he wouldnât really be able to go against Luciferâs power on his own.
so yeah, on top of the obvious reason i just feel like the boost from Samâs soul gave him enough strength to hold off Lucifer. and i also feel like that might play into how he possibly expels him later on.
maybe this isnât the only time we see soul touching this season??
Well, if we will see more soul touching later this season, now itâs all framed in a quasi-sexual way.
Deanâs soul. The Righteous Man. Because you know Dean will do anything for Cas.
I canât help but think it all comes down to the kind of consent that angels need to mess with vessels (and therefore the souls inside those vessels). Sam specifically granted consent for Castiel to tap into the power of his soul. Sam DI NOT consent for Lucifer to tap in. Whatever power Luci was trying to drain from Sam WASNâT GIVEN TO HIM, IT WAS GIVEN TO CASTIEL.
I really think that Samâs soul literally gave Cas the boost he needed to break free. Now, just imagine what could happen when Cas is presented with Deanâs soul in the same way. Dean, with whom he shares a More Profound Bond already. Dean, whose soul Cas pieced back together once before.
(This must be so unoriginal I'm sorry) But what about Clint and Nat's little girl doing a history project, and Steve and Bucky being like 'Pfft, that's how they tell it now? Kid, here's what REALLY happened'. And the kid gets the unedited version, and ends up arguing with the teacher because 'No sir, really, Uncle Bucky was THERE!'
But can you imagine them taking it a step further? Like this little girl with her motherâs red hair and her fatherâs inability to back down will not accept her teacherâs lily-white boring version of history because sheâs grown up on stories from her mother and uncles about what the world used to be like, before it was all iPhones and StarkPads. And all year, she and the teacher have little squabbles, which culminate in a shouting match where little Irina Romanoff-Barton stands on the seat and insists that the teacher isnât telling them the truth. (She also has an overdeveloped sense of justice and passion for the truth thanks to Mommy and Uncle Steve.)
Naturally, it ends with Irina in the principleâs office. But Clint and Natasha are both out on assignment, so Steve and Bucky come to hear what all the fuss is about, and when they see their little girl sitting in the big office chair with tears running down her face, Steve has to put a hand on Buckyâs shoulder to keep things from getting physical.Â
âWhatâs going on sweetheart?â Steve asks, as Bucky scoops her up in his arms. His obviously mismatched arms.
âShe disrespected me in front of the entire class,â the teacher says, before Irina can get a word out. Buckyâs eyes flash but she doesnât seem to notice. âSheâs been belligerent and difficult all year, calling me a liar when I teach from the state-approved curriculum.â Bucky rolls his eyes at that.Â
âLady, please,â he says derisively. âRinaâs told us what you call history in this sorry excuse for a school, and lemme tell you, none of thatâs how it went down.â
âHe would know,â Steve says, fixing the teacher with a cold stare. Captain American may be apple pie and baseball games, but not when someone makes his little girl cry. Then all bets are off.Â
âAnd how exactly would you know?â the teacher demands, all birdlike glares and snappish superiority. Bucky shoots Steve a look and he just raises a shoulder and drops it again. The message is clear: Raise hell.Â
âJames Buchanan Barnes,â Bucky says, letting Irina down and sticking out his metal hand for the teacher to shake. âWorld War II vet, assassin, the longest-held POW in American history. Born March 10, 1917. Iâm turning a hundred next year.â
âJuly 4th, 1918,â Steve chimes in, pointing to himself. âSo when we say we know how it went down, itâs because we were there.â The teacher is speechless. âNow, if youâre done harassing our niece and misinforming an entire generation of children, weâre going to take Rina for ice cream.â
Needless to say, Irina gets an A in the class.Â
This episode also proves that Cas is loved, that the Winchesterâs donât see him as expendable. They trusted Cas to keep Dean safe. Sam didnât want Cas to do the spell because he was worried Cas would get hurt. Dean looking so lost after he learned that Lucifer was possessing Cas. No one can doubt that Sam and Dean love Cas.

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if somebody ever willingly lets satan repossess them so that they can save your life, you better fucking believe theyâre in love with you.
behold⌠the thing i needed to draw
it looked funnier in my head