Going, going, gone

the devil said it's lindsey graham's turn today to speak with mitch mcconnell for 20 minutes

they should invent a secret second weekend so that you can see friends and do fun things while still having enough time to do errands and sleep in without dying of exhaustion all the time

What if the scarab doesn't want to go. What if the scarab wants to snuggle in bed. What if the scarab needs a rest day

beautiful women keep picking up the phone and telling me "your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system"

Unoriginal sin. Derivative sin

Receiving a Werther’s Derivative from my poser grandma

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

before neil banging out the tunes there was czar scraping the strings