-getting the hang of avoiding contamination at work. Feeling like a pro most days. I go out of my way to make people happy and its extremely rewarding even if im never recognized for it

-using myfitnesspal and duolingo to monitor my eating habits and learn different languages:) so cool

-finally finishing up at community college ugh

-my parents are doing well and im able to show up for them in different ways when they need support.

-no more critters !! No itching, no waking up at night paranoid (diatomaceous earth is magic)

-growing familiar and comfortable with my bf in unexpected ways

-always making space for myself to introspect and feel my feelings

After our 3 month mark my partner and i began having some hurtful misunderstandings. I began to withdraw and retreat into myself. Isolation helps me cope and understand things better, i told him. (He was convinced that we would break up). Then lockdown happened. Okay, it’s okay, quarantine is second nature to me. Then it was ramzan, or maybe the bug bites happened first. Then of course finals. More and more stressful reasons i couldnt see him. But we talked everyday. Some hesitations but ultimately lots of love and communication.

In this heavy-hearted period void of touches i saw our differences more clearly. His abundance of free time, his to-do list oriented form of self-care, his undying ambition and outgoing independence. And me with my indestructible attachment to my parents and constant daydreaming and feeling a little haunted. I’ve learned so much from him already. We really are like yin & yang.

Been wanting to write a poem about this period. The ideas come to me in blurry pieces but i’ll attempt to translate them into words:

A time of spiritual discipline

Skin crawling sensations

Aloneness

Weakness

Yet

Duty

Sanctuary

A ring of white powder around me

Bleeding

Whispering prayers