Rapid Oxidation

To speak to you was no longer a free and easy thing. Our lies brushed past each other like the touch of bare skin against tree bark, and soon my throat was raw and crimson from all the untruths I'd told. I no longer knew who I was, only who I was trying to be. It was all for you.

I remember you as a dancer. You transformed raw strength into something meaningful and every movement sang to me. But to watch you dance also filled me with an overwhelming sense of loss. When you were on stage it was like you were no longer mine. You looked gorgeous and ethereal and I couldn't have you because in that moment you belonged to your audience and not me.

Sometimes you would then come out, sweat-drenched, a tempest, and ask me with earnest eyes what I thought of your performance, as if my opinion was the most precious thing in the world to you. I never could find the words to describe how easily your art, your greatest passion, left me breathless and hot with jealousy.

Even as the end drew near, I was afraid of losing you. In my mind I played frantic games of ‘loves me, loves me not,’ only to learn that a flower is not such a pretty thing once all its petals are gone.

I remember how your eyes dulled that day. How quick you were to blink away the ashen vestiges of our love because they were stinging your eyes.

I remember the way your lips, soft and pink as the spring sunrise, parted just enough to let those three vulgar words slither out.

“I’m leaving you.”

And then, as quickly as our existences had collided, they parted, and you were gone from me.

Your scent still lingers though, as if you'd ground up your essence and burned it into my skin.

Flowers.

Sweat.

Sorry againnnnnnn.

I remember it like it was yesterday, one minute we were sitting in it as usual, and the next, it just totally busted apart. And then, without missing a beat, you got up and brushed yourself off and said-

"Well, I guess I'd better lay off the fried chicken this year."

I always loved that about you, Cath. It always seemed like problems and worries slid right off you. And it was contagious too. Don't you get it, Cath? I felt like I could do anything when you were with me.

I wasn't afraid of what the future held. You know that.

I do know. Cath wasn't afraid of the future. Wasn't. Then it hits me like a blow, as it always does. Catherine, my Cath, is gone. Dead in the car crash that happened the summer before junior year. The crash that I caused because I was young and reckless and thought I had all the time in the world. I miss her so much. I pick up my pen and cry openly as I write.

How can you still love me after what I did to you?

Because I promised I would always love you, Sarah, and I haven't broken that promise.

If I'd been driving a little bit slower, or a little less drunk, you'd still be here right now. You trusted me, Cath, and ruined it.

Sarah, listen to me. Do you want to know what was just as important to me as not being afraid of the future? It was not being afraid of the past.

I don't know what to do without you, Cath. I need you.

Please, Sarah, let me go.

Don't leave, Cath.

Catherine?

Cath, where are you?

Until we meet again, my love.

Sincerely, Catherine

After saying hi to Pablo, I walked over to the fridge to look for something we were out of.

Ah, there we go. No grapes. Pablo's favorite food, incidentally.

"Hey, where are the keys?" I asked. "I'm going out to the store to get grapes."

"On the counter." Jonah shot me a grin and flopped down onto the couch. "Have fun. Save the world."

"I will."

"Hey, Aaron." He stopped me. "Are you good? You've been kinda...weird lately. Distant. I don't know."

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, turning away from him. "You keep an eye on that rascal while I'm gone, alright?"

"Are you talking to me or Pablo?"

We both laughed as I went out the door.

Once outside, I pocketed the car keys and got on my bike instead. I rode to the tiny grocery store near our apartment and found a nice heaping bag of grapes inside. However, as I was checking out, I realized the only money I had in my pocket was a twenty-dollar bill. I handed it to the cashier and she started fiddling with the register.

"Keep the change," I said.

"But sir, I owe you nearly eighteen dollars!"

"Keep it," I repeated, dashing out with the grapes before she could say any more.

Relieved to be outside, I placed the grapes in my bicycle basket and continued to the big bridge a ways down from the store. It was blustery and sprinkling slightly, and the wind nipped at my eyes, but I carried on.

I rolled up along the side of the bridge and looked out at the gray sky and low-hanging clouds. It was a pretty crappy day to die, I'll admit, but some things can't be helped. I took the letter I had written and placed it on top of the bag of grapes in the basket. I hoped it would find its way back to Jonah soon.

I climbed onto the railing of the bridge, holding onto a beam for support. My feet dangled off the edge. The wind whipped my hair around and beat at my back as if trying to push me off itself. As I looked at the churning black water below, I sent up some silent farewells.

Bye, Professor Daniels. Sorry I never turned in that dissertation on German folk dancing like you asked.

Bye, Mrs. Macy. You were a good neighbor, and your cookies were delicious. I wish cookies could save lives, don't you?

Bye, Mom and Dad, even though we haven't spoken since you kicked me out after finding out about Jonah.

And bye, Jonah and Pablo. I hope you look out for each other, alright? I love you guys.

I shifted forward. I was hovering over the precipice. My hand loosened around the beam and-

"Aaron, there you are! Help me catch him!"

I turned around in time to see Jonah running frantically towards me, pointing to something above me. I cocked my head at him in confusion, but then I felt a gust of wind on my shoulder and looked up. And there was Pablo. He had alighted on the bridge over my head.

I swung my legs back over the railing and onto the bridge as Jonah reached me and bent over, trying to catch his breath.

"That crazy bird pried his new lock right off," he huffed. "But I didn't see him do it. And when I opened the door for some fresh air, he flew right out. But...he usually just stays on top of his cage, right? Why did he fly out?"

Jonah stood back up and narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were getting grapes." I opened my mouth, unsure of how to respond, but he spoke again. "Y'know what, that can wait. Just help me get Pablo."

"I actually did get some grapes," I said, going over to my bike. "I think we can use them to attract Pablo." I snatched the letter off the bag and shoved it into my pocket so Jonah wouldn't see it before picking a few grapes from their stems. Pablo was too high up for me to reach, so I held a grape up for him to see.

"Look, Pablo, it's your favorite!" I called. "Come and get it!"

Without a moment's hesitation, Pablo glided down onto my arm and plucked the grape from my fingers.

"Incredible," Jonah breathed with laughter in his voice. With Pablo secured, we began to head back home.

"Y'know," Jonah said, "it's actually good you were out here. You're the only one he listens to anyway." He turned to me, smiling but serious. "Promise me you'll always be around to help me catch that bird."

"Do you think perhaps you should hide yourself?" Life added. "It's possible you could frighten her."

Death wasn't offended. With his dark form and completely black eyes, he could very well scare the child. He snapped his fingers and disappeared from view.

With that, Life stepped up and placed her hand on the girl's ashen forehead. After a moment, she removed her hand and the girl's spirit sat up from her body. It shone with all the strength and vitality that was absent from her pallid, underweight body on the bed. She slid down off the bed and looked warily at Life.

"Who are you?" She turned and saw her own unmoving body. "I'm dead, aren't I?" Tears began to well up in her eyes. "I'm a ghost."

"No, dear, you're not dead. Come, I just want to talk with you awhile," Life said. "My name is Life. I am responsible for your life and the lives of all creatures."

"Wait. Does that mean you made my cat, Domino?"

Life chuckled, a laugh the color of a salmon pink sunrise. "Yes, I am responsible for Domino's life."

The girl dried her eyes and grinned, revealing two rosy dimples. "That's pretty cool."

"Why don't you tell me what your name is, dear?"

"I'm Madeline, but my friends call me Maddie."

"And may I call you Maddie?"

"Hmm..." Maddie appeared to be in deep thought. "Well, you seem nice and also you made Domino, which is really cool, so I think we can be friends. And that means you can call me Maddie," she concluded with a nod.

"Well, Maddie," Life said, sitting down to be at the child's level. "That makes me very glad."

The girl scrambled onto Life's lap and began to play with the flowers that were weaved into her long, white hair.

"Life, are you a mommy? Because you seem like one." She hesitated and chewed nervously on a fingernail before continuing.

"I used to have a mommy, but she died. In an accident. You sort of remind me of her, actually." She sighed. Her hair fell over her shoulder like a curtain, obscuring her face.

"I miss her," Maddie said, her voice small. "Daddy does, too."

Death, who had been listening, suddenly remembered her. There had been a car accident, about two years ago. The woman was driving home from work. A child ran across the road. She swerved to avoid him. Into another car, was how it happened. It was quick and painless, but how her spirit had struggled and screamed and begged for him to bring her back.

Please, I have a five-year-old who needs me! I'll give anything. Don't take me from her, she'd cried. But there was nothing he could do. She was already with him. It haunted him, her desperation. It was always like that with the mothers. He hated taking mothers.

Now, picturing the woman's face, Death realized she looked exactly like Maddie. Guilt stabbed at him, and without thinking, he revealed himself in front of Life and the girl.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

Startled by his sudden appearance, Maddie jumped off of Life's lap and hid behind her.

"W-who is that?"

"I didn't mean to surprise you," Death started, sitting down in an attempt to appear less threatening. He tried to reign in the black smoke that constantly flowed off of him in waves. "I just...I just wanted to apologize." Both Life and Maddie remained silent, so he continued.

"I'm the one who took your mother." Suddenly the words were coming out in a cascade. "I'm sorry. I wanted so badly to bring her back. I promise. I tried so hard, but there was nothing I could do. It just happened so fast. It wasn't my decision to make. I'm so, so sorry."

He buried his face in his hands and waited for Maddie to be angry with him, or to start crying, but the tears of fury didn't come. Instead, Death only felt a small hand on his knee. He looked up and found himself face to face with Maddie.

"Who are you?" she asked softly.

"My name is...it's Death. If you hate me, I understand."

Maddie shook her head. "I don't hate you," she said. "It's not nice to hate people. That's what Mommy always said. I wish she didn't have to go so soon, but I don't hate you."

Death wrung his hands. He had to tell her the truth.

"I was going to take you too," he revealed, his voice cracking. "I was here to take you with me, but I...I just couldn't."

"Oh," she said. "Oh...I-"

Before she could continue, all three of them noticed Maddie's father stirring in the corner. They watched as he got up from his chair and walked over to the bed to check on his daughter. He knelt beside her and shook her ever so gently, but the sickly version of her on the bed lay still. Her father stroked her pale cheek with the back of his hand, and the tears began to fall. He rested his head on the edge of the bed and cried so quietly it looked like he was sleeping.

Waves of anxiety crashed over spirit-Maddie. "Daddy's crying." She tugged at Life's glowing robes. "Please, make him stop!"

"Only you can do that," Life told her gently. "Come here, it's time for you to go."

"One thing, first."

Maddie ran over to Death. Without a word, she leaned in and wrapped her arms around him.

Death was taken aback. For a moment he didn't know what to do, and sat with his arms awkwardly out to his side. Then he realized. She's giving me a hug! He had never been hugged before. Slowly putting his own arms around her, he embraced her in return.

"I forgive you," Maddie whispered into his shoulder. "And thank you. For letting me go."

"Thank you," he said. "And Maddie, your mother. She really loved you, you know. I could tell."

"I know," Maddie said, lifting her chin.

They separated and Maddie went back over to Life, who was waiting for her with open arms. She buried her face in Life's snow-white robes and Life placed her hands on the girl's tiny back.

Life closed her eyes and poured everything she had into Maddie. She gave her the delicate lace of flower petals and the rough skin of trees. The silent flit of butterfly wings and all the colors of autumn leaves. Here is the tireless energy of a jackrabbit, Life willed to her. The grace of a deer as it leaps and arcs. And most of all, here is the undying warmth and loyalty of humans for those they love. May these gifts deliver you safely.

Maddie's spirit went limp against her and slumped to the floor. Life bent over and scooped her up in her arms. She carried her over to the bed and placed her back in her body, sealing her in with a hand on her forehead.

"Now we wait," Life said, exhausted, stepping back beside Death. He took her hand in his.

The two of them stood in anxious silence, Death most of all. He so badly wanted the child to live.

Then slowly, color began to seep back into Maddie's face. Her fingers twitched. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she sat up, alive and alert. Death's heart swelled, and he squeezed Life's hand. She smiled almost imperceptibly in response.

"Daddy."

Maddie's father started at the sound of his daughter's voice. He lifted his head in shock, eyes glistening.

"Oh my gosh. Maddie, you're awake." He took her face in his hands, his joy illuminating the room. "You're awake!"