Random Outpour.

When I was a kid, we used to get an energy drink ad on the television, where the sun would suck your energy up with a straw and the energy meter of the kids playing in the heat would gradually tank. It feels like that here.

Commuting to work is a pain, house chores pile up in fear of drenched clothes, and the relentless sun just sucks life and its vitality from your souls.

But, sometimes, on the side of the road, you spot a bright patch of yellow, sudden, careless in their bloom. Amaltas. In the summer.

While the heat beats down, leaving behind parched throats and weary steps, they dance. They sway and say, i thrive in the heat, the warmth wakes me up.

It always manages to make me smile. Amaltas, in the summer!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE LOST ONE OF THE BEST VOICES TO ACCIDENTAL DROWING?!

Why weren't enough precautions taken, this is so sad; I am not prepared to go throught the rest of my regular office Tuesday, with that knowledge!

Or, very very easy. It's the lack of accountability that can make or break it. Take for example yesterday. Yesterday I was feeling particularly down and had already scrolled through all the social media i possibly could to distract myself and still hadn't been successful in lulling myself to a sort of disturbed sleep as is the case on most days.

There I was, 3 am in the night, feeling listless and I don't know what word to describe it with other than weird. Can you guess what I did? At 3? When societal norms say you should be asleep?

I made myself a joint, some hot chocolate and ordered cake for myself. (Sincere thanks to all the powers involved in the delivery services where I am from)

And then the cake, paid by my hard earned adult money, arrived, and I ate a big chunk of it, in a nice bowl I have recently purchased, took big sips of my drink from my favourite cup and smoked the joint, while it poured outside.

Felt perfect for a while, to be honest.

So yeah, adulting is mighty hard. The collaterals are these moments of bad feelings, of anxiety and this godforsaken detachment, but then you also end up appreciating the autonomy you have now, i guess.

Because, everything feels like a bad decision. The wrong choice. The wrong words, the wrong sort of stimuli.

And then there's also this weird emptiness that takes over that space in yourself. I can't explain it, I don't have the words for it, but it feels similar to when you return at night, it's pitch dark and there's no one at home. It's like when you are alone and you feel a bout of ill health coming your way. It's the way your stomach just drops at the hint of bad news, but now it's dropping and dropping in a free fall.