Random Marvel & DCU Stuff

*connecting ping*

Jason: i spy, with my little eye, a little Robin that is slacking off,

Tim: the fuck...?

Damian: wait what- where are you?

Jason: ten o'clock, two buildings over.

Damian: *a slight pause* oh you stalker, what are you doing out of the alley?

Jason: catching you lacking, apparently.

Tim: the hell is going on over there?

Jason, amused: kid's hidin' behind an AC unit so he can ditch patrol and go on his phone.

Damian, pointedly: that's not what i'm doing, actually, so you can mind your own business,

Tim: you're not even supposed to have your civilian phone on you during patrol, it's a security risk. and where the fuck did B go?

Jason: oh he's in this call, he's just got us on mute.

Damian: he was questioning a couple gang members so i left. he'll notice soon, i'm sure, just like he'll soon notice his phone is missing.

Tim: his phone?

Jason: oh my god you stole Batman's phone- hold on, i'm coming over there, hold on.

Damian: well he didn't listen to his own rules regarding the subject, so i figured he deserved to suffer at least a little bit.

*wind whooshing* *boots against concrete*

Jason: *laughs* holy shit you have his actual phone-!

Tim, admiring: how did you get it unlocked?

Damian: i have a note in my own phone with all of your passwords written down from when i look over your shoulders and memorise them.

Tim: what-

Jason, amused: what are you doing with it?

Damian: well i was just going to hide it and make him experience supreme anxiety by thinking his personal possession is lost somewhere in the streets of Gotham, but he's been annoying me lately so i've kind of been doing... this.

*a beat*

Jason: *wheeze* NO WAY,

Tim: wait what- what's he done?!

Damian: i've been doing this for a while, actually. i just delete the evidence afterwards so he can't find out.

Jason: *weeping* you- you've done this before...?

Tim: WHAT'S HE DONE?

Jason, struggling to keep composure: he's- he's texting people as Bruce--he's text Clark,

Tim: what?! what's he said?

Jason: he- *wheeze*

Damian, slightly amused: do you want me to read it out?

Jason, weakly: please,

Damian: i, uh- *amused throat clear* i found a photo on the internet of a close-up on some man's inner thigh, showing a mole. it's not indecent in any way, it's just... slightly too intimate.

Jason: *wheezes again*

Damian, over him: -but it matches Father's body type, so i sent it to Superman. and then i said 'do you think i should get this checked or just see what happens? it's new, which i know might be concerning, but Batman's survived way worse than a mole, right?'

Jason, high-pitched, crying: -so weird,

Tim, incredulous: ...WHY????

Damian: i told you; because he can be annoying.

Jason: *still laughing*

Tim: yes but why THAT specifically?!

Damian: well that's the game, isn't it? it has to be odd, but not such a red flag that Kent instantly thinks Father's phone has been hacked. weird, but in an abstract way. it also needs to be enough of a none-issue that i can delete the interaction off this phone before i slip it back into Father's pocket and Kent won't think it's alarming enough to bring up again.

*brief pause*

Tim, in disbelief: dude, why have- why have you thought this out so much- how many times have you done this?!

Damian, sighing in consideration: well, when i first came to Gotham i had a few anger issues, i guess--inherited from biological donor number three, i'm sure,

Jason: -i resent that-

Damian: -and this was a good way to let off some steam without being grounded for attempting to kill anybody. when i first started i had to be careful, because Kent had a very specific view of Father. but over time i believe i've desensitised him somewhat.

Jason: do you just text Uncle Clark every time?!

Damian: no, i don't always attempt to embarrass Father. sometime i just use him as a medium to make other people suffer.

Tim, horrified: please tell me you've never texted me as Bruce.

Damian: no, i've never needed to, we have the fight pact. when you piss me off i just fight you.

Jason: healthy.

Damian: i got Dick pretty bad, though.

*connecting ping*

Dick: B, i need you.

Jason: speak of the devil.

Tim: oh he's been muted for the past like, twenty minutes. you need back up?

Dick: oh, no, i just needed to remember the name of one of my old middle school teachers and thought he'd know because it's really pissing me off that i can't remember it.

Jason: the fuck do you need to know that for?

Dick: brain-worm. anyway, what are we on over here?

*silence*

Damian: nothing important.

Tim: no fuck off- Damian's stolen Bruce's phone and he's texting people pretending to be him 'to make people suffer'.

Damian: Timothy i will fucking fight you.

Dick: -YOU HAVE HIS PHONE?! that's fucking hysterical, who's the target?

Jason: *pointed* currently, Uncle Clark. but he's not the only- hooly shit Clark's typing. he's typing- he's fucking typing.

Tim: oh my god,

*silence*

Jason: *abrupt cackling* NO FUCKING- *wheeze* NO WAY-,

Damian: oh my god- oh my god wait,

Tim: what the fuck did he say?!

Jason: *still cackling*

Dick: YOU CAN'T LEAVE US LIKE THIS!

Jason, struggling to breathe: GOD- Uncle Clark is the best on earth,

Tim: THE FUCK DID HE SAY?!

Jason: he- *wheeze* he's said- *cough* 'it doesn't seem abnormal, however if you'd feel more comfortable with a friend rather than a doctor then i could always x-ray the spot next time i see you to check for any growths underneath the skin.'

Tim: GOD, HE'S SO NICE?

Jason: *cackles*

Dick: what the fuck did you tell him!?!

Damian: all i did was send a photo of Father's new thigh mole.

Jason, crying: oh god- i love him,

Damian: sh, sh, i'm trying to concentrate,

Jason: what are you- WHAT ARE YOU RESPONDING? HE'S RESPONDING AGAIN.

Tim: Dami- *wheeze* Damian,

Damian: *snickering* ok how about that?

Dick: read it out read it out read it out.

Jason: uh- 'i think that would be helpful for the next JL meeting, but if you could-' *long, painful wheeze*

Tim: WHAT?

Jason: *not breathing*

Damian, calmly: 'but if you could do it discreetly, without me having to be pulled aside; i'd rather not cause speculations about why we would need to meet privately. you can just do it during the meeting.'

Jason: *whimpering*

Dick: oh, my, fuck.

Tim, struggling to keep his voice level: w-wait, so he's- so at the next Justice League meeting Clark is just gonna be there subtly trying to- *wheeze* trying to stare at Batman's inner thighs,

Jason, through choked weeps: -just on his own special little mission,

Tim: his own- *collapses into laughter*

Dick: Damian that's- that's fucking diabolical.

Tim: dude what does Bruce even do to you to deserve this stuff?!

Damian: yeah i should- i should probably clarify that i do love my father,

Dick: *instant cackle*

Damian: like i- *slight wheeze* i do- it might not seem like i like him,

Jason, crying: i can't- oh my god my side hurts,

Damian: i do love him, i just- sometimes he's a hypocrite, and he needs this.

Tim, matter-of-factly: God sent you to test this man, he knew- God knew that somebody needed to check Batman before he rose to complete power, so he cobbled together all of our essences and poured it into a new vessel to keep him firmly grounded on earth, and that vessel is you,

Jason, still laughing: that's true- when i was up there i had a private conference with the guy just like 'you know he's starting to get out of control, right? i was doing my best but the Joker got me, so what's the plan?' and God was like 'don't worry, Jason. i have plans. you have been chosen to bring my prophecy to fruition. like Mary with Jesus, you will bring fourth a solution.' and the solution was this.

Tim: *cackle*

Damian: not even close to the worst thing i've done to anybody with this phone, by the way. what i did to Dick was objectively way worse.

Dick, laughter stopping abruptly: -wait what?

Jason: yeah what did you do to Dick?

Dick: YOU'VE DONE THIS TO ME?!

Damian: ...you're joining from Bludhaven, right?

Dick: w-?!?! YEAH? WHY?

Damian: ok then that's far enough away for me to tell you.

Tim, amused: holy shit what'd you do?

Damian: he annoyed me. he promised to take me to the museum, and then he cancelled so he could go on a date.

Dick: you- YOU SAID YOU WERE FINE WITH THAT.

Damian: i lied. so i text you from Father's phone and told you that for the medical files in the Batcave it was imperative that you provide a recent and up-to-date record of your sexual history and amount of partners you've had overall. we argued about it for a while, but eventually i wore you down and you agreed to put one together.

Dick: WHAT.

Jason: *loud cackles, increasing in pitch*

Tim, in awe: holy fuck.

Dick, genuinely distressed: DAMIAN- I GAVE THAT RECORD TO HIM IN PERSON,

Jason: *abruptly deflates* Y-HES, OH MY GOD YES CHILD,

Dick: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK- THAT WASN'T HIM?!! OH MY GOD HE WAS SO CONFUSED WHEN I HANDED HIM IT--HE LOOKED AT ME SO WEIRDLY,

Jason: *losing his complete shit*

Dick: DAMIAN!

Damian, unapologetic: next time remember bros before hoes, what can i say.

Dick: THAT'S NOT AN EQUAL REACTION. WHAT THE FUCK.

Bruce: interrogation complete; Robin where have you disappeared off to?

Dick: I'M GOING TO END YOU DAMAIN-

Tim: *wheezes* you might have- you might have missed a few things, B.

Bruce: i wasn't even muted for that long- what's going on here?

Dick: I'M KILLING YOUR ONLY BIOLOGICAL SPAWN, THAT'S WHAT.

Tim, morbidly curious: i've actually never seen Dick this mad at Damian before, this is kinda impressive.

Jason: *struggling to breathe* no- no kid come here- *wheeze* i'm gonna- i'm gonna- come here, let daddy protect you, i'm so proud of you kiddo,

Damian: yeah i'm sticking with you for the next few days. keep Grayson away from me.

Jason: i love you more than anything, habibi, i got your back,

Bruce: what on earth-

Dick: FUCKING- JASON? HE NEEDS TO HAVE CONSEQUENCES.

Jason: not for this, this is amazing. i'm taking him, we're out. sucks to be you, Goldie.

*2 disconnecting pings*

Dick: *scream of frustration*

*disconnecting ping*

*silence*

Bruce: ...what did Robin do?

Tim: i am... not answering that.

*three seconds of silence*

Bruce: did Hood actually just refer to himself as Robin's 'daddy'?

*a beat*

Tim: um. yeah that's- that's new slang. it's from the- it's a league of assassins youth thing. don't question it.

Bruce: ...i am not touching that.

Tim: good choice.

*silence*

Bruce: shit, where's my phone?

Tim: -i have to go.

after a while Red Hood is nearby and, obviously, hearing a kid in such clear distress in the middle of the night means he checks it out, and upon landing nearby and asking what the fuck is going on, the bats have to watch as baby-Damian notices the shiny red of Hood's helmet and armour, instantly recognises him, and crawls over to him to sob and clench his tiny little fists at him in an ask for uppies. and Red Hood obviously takes one look at the baby at his feet, goes 'shit wait- Dami?' and bends down to cradle him like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Hood then has to explain that he knew Robin in the league and helped care from him when he was really little, which is probably why Red Hood is currently the only person in the city that baby Damian recognises/views as safe, and Bruce is left with the annoying realisation that the only way to both keep Damian safe and happy while they figure out how to reverse the de-aging and get his son back to normal, is if he brings the Red Hood back to the cave with them. a man who is supposed to be his enemy and whom none of them realised Damian even knew, because clearly that little shit has been lying about some stuff.

for lack of a better solution they end up cautiously bringing Hood back to the cave, which Jason easily goes along with because the second he clocked baby Damian his paternal/protector instincts took over and he doesn't currently care about anything but keeping Damian happy. so there's a period of time where the bats are working as hard as possible in the cave to figure out a way to get Damian back to normal while also warily keeping an eye on Hood to make sure he doesn't try snooping around/go up to the manor/start shit, and Jason is just. not even clocking that this is a worry for them. he's genuinely just zeroed in on Damian like an activated sleeper agent, humming lullabies and changing diapers and even letting the baby clumsily try to take off his helmet because he wants to see Jason's face. Jason lets him, because he still has the mask on underneath, but it's still the first time any of the bats have seen under the helmet and so Dick and Tim end up on the other side of the cave watching with dropped jaws as Jason lets Damian play in his helmet -which he's like. small enough to sit in.- like... is that a fucking teenager under there???

Bruce finally figures out how to get Damian back to normal and when they fix him he comes back really disorientated and not really understanding what the fuck's been going on, so when he blinks open his eyes all dizzy and trying to gain his bearings he clocks Jason's face as one of the first things he sees and without thinking he just goes 'wait- Jason? what the fuck happened, where am I?'

all the bats turn in unison to stare at Jason in question and Jason just freezes in place. like. 'god i wish you'd just stayed a baby.'

Dick, as Alfred walks into the Batcave, seeing him, Duke, and Tim lounging around the Batcomputer: i dunno guys, he's pretty tetchy about people contacting him while he's taking time off on the Outlaw island.

Tim: well we need his input on this, so he doesn't have much of a choice.

Duke: get Damian or Cass down here, he's more likely to pick up if one of them calls.

Alfred: everything alright, children?

Tim, spinning in the chair: oh- hey! Alfred! can you do us a favour and call Jason for us so we can-

Alfred: i'm afraid, Master Timothy, that i pride my relationship with Jason on being fairly active precisely because i don't get involved with schemes like that.

Tim: *throws his head back, groaning*

Alfred, as he moves over to start checking the medical supplies: i'm sure you'll figure things out on your own.

Duke: ok well we'll just have to figure out who of the three of us he's most likely to answer then.

Dick: well i mean- look, guys, he loves you, but i'm his big brother. we drink together, we talk, we're part of the older crew. i'm obviously closest to him.

Duke, flatly: do you actually think he hasn't drank with us as well?

Dick:

Dick: well that's irresponsible.

Tim: yeah so are the stories he's told us about you providing him with beer when he was thirteen-

Dick, loudly: OK MOVING ON-

Tim: look i'm just saying, you aren't the only one he has a long history with. i met him a bunch before he died too, you know. you're the annoying big brother from when he was a kid! I'm the one here closest to him in age, and- Duke didn't even know him until after he came back from the league! i have an edge on both of you.

Duke: *squints*

Dick, face flat: yeah- hey Tim? for the record, him knowing more of you really does not equal him liking you more.

Tim, voice dropping an octave: the fuck's that supposed to mean?

Duke, staring at Tim in bafflement: you know i knew Jason before you ever met him, right?

Dick and Tim:

Dick and Tim, in unison: what?

Duke: ...? guys i grew up in the Narrows, that's like, right next to the alley.

Dick: ...you knew each other?

Duke: yeah??? he helped my mom when she dropped her groceries once and she invited him in for iced tea as a thank you; we just kept running into each other after that. he and my mom really got along so she practically took him in once she realised his parents weren't around; he was my brother way before he was either of yours.

Dick and Tim: *baffled*

Dick: how the fuck do we not know about this???

Duke: i dunno, it didn't seem relevant? i stopped seeing him around after he got snatched up by the rich society and then i found out he was dead, which sucked but i had my own things going on at the time, and then when he came back to Gotham and we figured out he was him we were just like... cool. reunion. and we moved on.

Dick: and you just moved on???

Duke: *shrugs*

Tim, scoffing: can't have been that close then--he was an asshole before he died anyway. not that he isn't an asshole now, but you know what i mean. he was an ass, right?

Duke: uh, no? he was actually really sweet. always kept an eye on me when i was playing outside, helped my mom and dad whenever he could. taught me how to fix our TV once, and helped me nurse a bird back to health when we found it with a broken wing.

Tim:

Tim: unbelievable.

Duke: what? you knew him before he died too, right? was he... not nice to you?

Tim:

Tim: no, he was great. i don't know what you're talking about. we were thick as thieves. fuck you.

Dick, raising an eyebrow: dude you used to follow him around galas like a Pomeranian with separation anxiety. i watched him lock himself in a broom cupboard just to get away from you.

Tim: OK CAN WE MOVE ON-

Duke, snickering: it's ok, he loves you now.

Tim, mocking: does he?

Duke: yeah. i mean, not enough to pick up the phone, but enough.

Tim: ok well fuck you he doesn't pick up the phone for you either.

Duke: he just doesn't like phone calls, he never has! we had walkie-talkie's once; he left his in a chicken coop to get shat on by birds so he wouldn't have to answer me. face it, we're probably better off just waiting for him to get back from vacation so we can talk to him in perso-

Steph, coming down from the manor, phone to her ear: -yeah, it was totally insane, i never saw it coming. fun episode though. hold on, *lowers phone, looking over the railing to Alfred* hey, Alfie, where'd you put the vacuum? i spilt chip crumbs all over my carpet.

Alfred: in the third maintenance closet on the first floor, dear.

Steph: thank you! *back into the phone as she leaves* anyway, Jason, when you get back we have to do another movie night, because i have this theory that-

Dick, Tim, and Duke, watching her leave: *silent*

*continued silence*

Dick, dryly: so when'd Jason meet her?

baffled, everybody else watches as Damian looks up from his book in a bewildered fashion, gradually turns from confused to sceptical, and asks, “…Why, what’d you do?”

“I may have accidentally blown up another helicopter.”

Damian takes this in calmly. “Twenty dollars.” He demands. The masked teenager squints.

“Five.”

“Twenty.”

“Ten.”

“Twenty.”

“Eleven.”

“Nineteen.”

“Fifteen.”

“Seventeen.”

“Done.”

Damian takes the money from the older boy and then causally turns to Bruce before telling him, “Father, this is my eighteen year old half-brother, Hood. he struggles with paranoia and is slightly mentally unstable from being submerged in the lazarus pit while young, which is why he keeps his name and face confidential from everybody other than our immediate family on our mother’s side. if Mother calls, please tell her Hood has been staying with us for the weekend.”

the rest of the bats are completely indignant, but Hood just considers Damian’s words for a few seconds and then resigns himself to, “Yeah, guess that’s fair.” and doesn’t deny anything, baffling them even more.

and that’s how the Waynes become acquainted with Hood, the probable-pyromaniac-definite-bad-influence older brother that, as it becomes increasingly clear the more he comes around, Damian adores with his whole heart. it’s also how it becomes a semi-regular occurrence that Damian’s older brother runs to the manor to demand refuge and plausible deniability from whatever bullshit he’s done at the league that Ra’s 100% knows he did but can’t fucking prove, at which point Hood will just hide with the Waynes for a few days, masked up 24/7, running around with Damian and causing chaos, confusing the fuck out of everybody because this is the first time they’ve ever been able to see Damian indulge in a genuine childhood sibling-dynamic and it knocks the bats off their feet Every Fucking Time. the only time that boy ever acts like a child is when Hood comes to visit and it both infuriates Dick and Tim, fills them with jealousy, and makes them oddly relieved to know that underneath that weird victorian-boy shell, there’s an actual modern-day child somewhere in there.

Tony:* turns on light*

Tony: where were you?

Peter : with Loki

Peter Parker who’s coincidentally getting employed by every evil mad scientist in the vicinity because it’s the only place his outlined skills and lack do information are accepted

Peter Parker who notices too late that his employer is most definitely a villain.

Peter who walks into work and stares at a tied up hero for a few seconds in confusion before realizing he’s most definitely a henchmen.

Peter Parker’s who’s having a blast sabotaging their evil plans and who can pull the innocent kid act to get out of trouble.

Spider-Man who for some reason know’s the accesses code and his way around the evil lair he’s raiding.

Spider-Man who knowns the name of criminals and ominously calls them by their nicknames only close friends know while fighting.

Spider-Man who guard dogs won’t attack and seem excited to see.

Spider-Man who can identify goons and henchman with 85% accuracy based on their coffee orders.

Spider-Man who always knows where the emergency kill switch on an evil robot is located.

Peter Parker who accidentally clocks into work wearing his Spider-Man suit and is completely confused as to why his coworkers are suddenly shooting at him.

Bonus points if the villains try to hide the fact that their villains from Peter.

Even more bonus points if iron man is the hero getting tied up and both of them stare at each other in confusion. (For maximum efficiency Peter should be wearing the uniform for this villain and mabye holding a coffee run or cleaning supplies.)

Sam: *enters while whistling a tune*

Peter dropping down from the ceiling: WILSON!

Sam: AHHHHHHH!

Peter: *falls to the ground because of a stab wound he was actively hiding*

The Avengers need to team up with vigilantes, after the Sokoiva accord’s drama they try to work with smaller hero’s for PR and to understand street level culture. They of course ask the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man since he knows Iron Man’s and seems talkative enough in addition to knowing everyone.

Spider-Man is a high-schooler with criminal connections, radioactive DNA and a mild concussion. he had no fucking idea why the Avengers are talking to him. He only helped Iron Man to get him off his ass so he wouldn’t snitch to his aunt.

Spider-Man has no jurisdiction, Spider-Man does not give a fuck who has jurisdiction. But also you need to respect the jurisdiction. There are levels to this shit.

Spider-Man is a well known New York vigilante. There’s no official qualifications to be one and nobody ever officially certifies you. You just do what you want to do and you know you’ve made it when you start getting a designated press company’s to slander you’re name or when you’re enemies start to get elaborate theme’s. There should be forums and community who monitor vigilante activity, maybe they have little markers for potential long term vigilantes like the one year mark or surviving your first alien invasion but otherwise it alls very arbitrary. Regardless it’s obvious Spider-Man is legit and not going anywhere.

Spider-Man explains that he operates in Queens, but Manhattan is free game. Technically he’s a New York vigilant so he’s not really bound to any one specific borough. But like if anyone asks for him he’s in Queens that’s his turf. You gotta respect the turf. Again there are levels to this shit. Nobody fucking respects the turf.

He argues that, no he’s not being weird. That’s how vigilantes operate they don’t do well in groups and close proximity. The back bone of vigilante culture is you gotta be able to handle your shit. The only way you become a vigilante is by living long enough and pissing enough people off to be considered one. The requirement isn’t having superpowers or being strong or lethal , it’s literally just getting back up after you get laid out.

The Avengers are a little confused but can’t disagree since they don’t know how they work. They are used to the structure of SHEILD missions. They ask who’s in charge

Spider-Man looks offended at that question. Nobody’s in charge, there’s no offical rankings. Everyone just does their own thing and unless you’re pissing off other people there’s no reason to try and extent authority. None of the vigilantes respect authority, all vigilantes are assholes none of them have authority or any sense of self preservation. If you’re lucky you won’t interact with another vigilante, unfortunately all vigilantes are connected through a string of cruel fate to accidentally meet. Vigilante’s fall into two categories of fucking assholes or little shits, regardless they tend to be pretty decent people.

This Is all just one giant pissing contest of who can get their goals completed while staying out of jail and being somewhat alive. You don’t have authority, you will eventually piss off another vigilante and this will lead to mutual respect if you both make it out alive with your goals somewhat accomplished. You might hate eachother or become best buddies or both simultaneously but competence is the determining factor.

Spider-Man explains Harlem is for Luke Cage but he’s not really a hero. Yes he knows Luke is called Harlem’s hero but Luke has an identity thing going on okay. It’s not polite to pressure enhanced people into taking the hero mantle. He’s like a Good Samaritan/vigilante/ hero but don’t pry. Depending on what stage of the identity conflict he’s on he will accept the term hero or beat you for saying that.

Chinatown is for Danny Rand, He has a secret identity but it’s really bad secret like literally everyone knows it. No he’s not a vigilante he’s got monk things going on and a fist that glows but don’t bring it up in-front of people it was a whole thing last time. He does martial art or whatever and he’s super rich you’ll know it’s him because he can’t control his volume and we just recently got him to start wearing shoes.

Hell’s Kitchen is for Daredevil, Yes Spider-Man knows his secret identity but he’s not gonna tell you seriously don’t ask him? It’s so rude to snitch on people where’s you’r sense of cape community? Secret identity shenanigans are the founding pillars of vigilantism? Look Daredevil takes weird breaks okay so just don’t send him spiraling he has a guilt complex thing and he bites so just don’t piss him off. His default setting is angry omnipotent asshole. Yes daredevil is strangely nice to Spider-Man but this is an outlier not the status quo. Don’t talk shit about him he’ll find out and also he thrives on chaos he’s surprisingly willing to do stupid shit with you if you ask nicely.

Also Jessica Jones technically inhabits Hell’s Kitchen but she’s not really about that hero life she’s a private investigator it’s different. Like she’ll help people but very begrudgingly and often while drunk but just ignore her for the most part unless you have something she’ll want in exchange. You’ve gotta get on her good side but that’s not something you can force all vigilante friendships are avoidant truma bonds thy occur when you have to kill dinosaurs together.

Also vigilantes don’t do friends. Except for Spider-Man he has a shit ton of vigaintes friends. Friendship in the vigilante community happens through osmosis of whatever toxic fumes you’re being exposed to in the sewers.

Yes all of the mentioned people know each other but it’s different. Look no they’re not in cahoots okay you need to understand they know each other and they aren’t enemy’s but they also aren’t really friends but they trust each other but also they dont want to work together at all. Their a lot of very complex dynamics at play that rely on the mutual understanding of how mentally unhinged everyone in the vigainte community can be.

Spider-Man explains you can’t go into Hell’s Kitchen, you’ll piss off Daredevil. It’s just like common courtesy, okay you can’t fuck around in another vigilantes territory. No it’s not specifically assigned to any vigilante but like you just need to know who protects what. Nobody tells you about this stuff but one day you’ll wander into a borough at 2AM and get a baton to the temple as an introduction. If you’re quips are funny enough and and you’re heart is pure you might be allowed back inside.

Yes Daredevil knows Spider-Man was fighting Kingpin in Hell’s Kitchen last week that’s different. No trust him, nobody likes Fisk that’s fair game you can fight Fisk anywhere. Also Spider-Man got ran over like four times with a tank when you get injured enough it’s like a pass to enter other vigilantes spaces.

Spider-Man should be exasperated explaining that no you don’t understand it was a Midday unplanned fight with kingpin where he was really injured Daredevil won’t care it’s different.

Also the dumpsters are free rein. You can pass out in any alleyway or dumpster you want it’s a god given right. All vigilantes, anti-hero’s, superhero’s and capes are entitled to bleeding out in a back alleyways. Disgusting blood soaked pavement is the foundation of this community.

There’s also anti-hero’s like The Punisher. Spider-Man thinks he’s a criminally insane public threat who needs psychological help but he’s able to handle himself and Spiderman doesn’t want a bullet in his side so they stay out of each others ways. There’s also mercenary’s like Deadpool but you can’t really befriend them? They do their thing and you can try to stop it from happening but antagonizing them unprovoked isn’t the best idea.

This isn’t to say he lets them do whatever because he has a moral obligation to protect but he doesn’t actively go out to hunt the person does this make sense?

Medical alert service dogs are trained to look for certain scents to make their handlers aware that they are about to have a medical episode-usually well before it actually happens.

Peter could be a human service dog.

Just imagine spiderman being midfight with this gang or whatever and all of the sudden he's like trying to get this one dude to sit down or something because he's about to have a seizure.

Or he's helping some lost kid and gets him a snack because his blood sugar is tanking.

Or maybe while they're working in the lab one day he suddenly stops and tells Tony to take his migraine meds and Tony of course is like… why?? I feel fine??? And Peter is like no seriously. You about to be Miserable. Take your meds.

And he's right! And Tony is just like wtf?????

Like yes absolutely vigilante teenage Peter Parker and his dubious criminal connections but also he just happens to really like science and be in superhero circles accordingly

Tony invites Peter to a gala or event as to keep up the internship appearances but is dumbfounded by how many people Peter just casually already knows. He keeps looking back to check on the kid and finds him across the room chatting up a new member of high society.

Peter mentions stopping by the Baxter building to pick up something he forgot there last time to Richard Reeds. He’s talking as if he’s been there a million times. Starts bickering with Johnny storm and keeps cackling while saying “but here’s the thing?”

Peter and Danny Rand are being weirdly smug and suspicious about whatever them and their friends were up to last week. Something something Ninjas and devils.

Peter waves at Bruce banner happily mentioning they’ve meet before and that Bruce was a special guest at the last midtown science fair. Bruce just assumes Peter’s actually Tony’s intern and is confused as to why he wouldn’t know the kid who’s always in the labs. Peter isn’t actually an intern why is he in the labs.

Peter is animatedly striking up conversation with Hank Pym as if he’s the guys long lost grandson. Forgot that the dudes a recluse and never shows up to these events no Peter insists the guys really funny once you get to know him. They do joint experiments with spiders and ants.