Random Like-If's

Like if you've ever said aloud to your cat "you are the best solution to period cramps, my beautiful purring child".

Like if you've ever sold something at work that cost more than you make in a day and thought "well, that's me paid for for the day".

Like if you’ve ever been typing “remember to” in your notes and then forgotten the rest of the sentence even as you typed the note to remind yourself. 

Like if you are ever suddenly and very unhelpfully filled with a cold, heavy sense of dread. 

Like if you've ever lied and said something was a dream when in reality it was an elaborate waking fantasy you'd thought through, but you thought telling someone that it was a dream would make it sound less crazy.

Like if you would in fact hurt a fly, but at least you apologize to it while you wipe it off the fly swatter into the garbage because you do feel bad about it, though you're relieved the buzzing has stopped.

Like if your work sometimes involves going through century-plus old letters and you often get attached to the people whose words you're reading, only to come across their obituary, which inevitably saddens you despite the fact that you knew going in that someone who was a teenager in 1888 more than likely wasn't around anymore.

Like if you've ever been debating with yourself over doing one or two last things or just going to sleep and told yourself that you should just sleep in part because of a tumblr post on the importance of sleep you'd seen the other day, which then made you think, hey, maybe I should go look that post up before you realized, wait, no, looking for the post on the importance of sleep will further delay the actual sleeping you were just planning to do.

Like if you've ever been talking with your fellow actors during rehearsals about whether or not the theatre might be haunted, and you told them that you don't believe in ghosts but also that if you died during the course of the play that you promised to haunt the theatre yourself.

Like if you ever see a post and think "oh that's really cool, I should reblog that!" but then you realize that you're scrolling through your own blog and actually you already did.

Like if you have already begun this year's annual re-listen to Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie and you're finding that this year you remember even more of the words than you did last year.

Like if you've ever been on a bandom deep dive and you decided to just type "Ryan Ross" into google podcasts to try and see if he's ever been interviewed on any podcasts and you scrolled past several entries for a pastor apparently also named Ryan Ross until you finally got to one that mentioned "Ryan Ross and his band" and you got excited until you started listening and realized that this definitely wasn't the Ryan Ross you were looking for either. At least "Done With You" is pretty decent I guess.