The 18th Emergency.

One thing we know about vampires is they are cursed, as part of the condition, with a deep and fundemantal requirement to count things.

I am making a person.

They currently have leggy nubs and gecko hands and the world's smallest flickery heartbeat. But they are there for sure.

Space Prawn is (hopefully) coming to join us August 2025

Have not experienced any morning sickness or anything and haven't yet felt kicking (I think? I'm not sure) so sometimes I still don't feel pregnant and I have to like poke myself to remind myself there is a human in there.

It was really nice to see baby again but she wasn't co-operating and was facing down with spine to the scan most of the time so I've gotta go back on 10th April for another scan to check the heart only because she wouldn't budge to let them check it thoroughly.

Stubborn lass.

Baby looks amazingly normal so far and is growing lovely...but apparently my blood flow into the uterus on one side isn't great, so they're going to need me back for growth scans to make sure she keeps growing well.

Over half way that in itself is freaky as hell...but let me tell you now, feeling your baby move is weird as FUCK.

Imagine holding a wriggling frog in your cupped palms....but like behind your belly button, it's totally gross and alien and cool at the same time.

Baby wriggles most when I'm playing Red Dead Redemption on Xbox and also likes to do a full flip (as if in angry protest) if her Dad comes to bed late.

Everything hurts. I cry daily. Am napping hard like I did back in the first 10 weeks.

I very much feel 38 years old. This would have been easier in my 20s.

We had an interesting few weeks really, growth scan at 28 weeks said Sproglet was on the bigger side, Growth scan at 32 weeks says Sproglet is now on the smaller side.... so either one of those is wrong or something is amiss. Have to go back next week for another growth scan to check, But like apart from that the bundle of heartburn is doing very well, heartbeat, wriggles, swimming pool water in there or whatever all perfectly normal.

Its all giving me anxiety. Pregnancy anxiety is like...like the level of anxiety of trying to save a lost kitten on a busy road. Except the kitten is actually your spawn and the busy deadly road is actually your own body.

Also its f*cking hot. And like trying to explain to people that yes i know i always hate summer and always moan about the heat but this is DIFFERENT. My internal temperature is as hot as the fires of mount doom. The sweat that accumulates under my boobs could be classed as a bodily monsoon.

and that's another thing! No one warned me my boobs would start boobing boobily just yet, i though they were my own for another 8 weeks but nope the milk production line is opening up before the orders are in.

Pregnancy is bullshit. Don't let me get started on 'lightning Crotch'.

Baby is growing fiiiiiiine but is giving me terrible heartburn.

Saw the obstetrican again today only to find out that my blood pressure has jumped a bit after being fucking epic and literally the same for every other appointment this whole time. They don't think its pre-eclampsia or anything but its defiantly a smidge worrying.

Sproglet is also currently breech and back to back and has been for a few weeks now. This basically means she's sat cross legged in my pelvis just looking out at the world rather than head down facing backwards.

All this, Spawn in buddha pose, my blood pressure etc means we are opting for an elective caesarean at 38 weeks. Its scary for sure but tbh at this stage im pretty happy about yeeting this kid through the sunroof rather than waiting in a heatwave for her to claw her way , upside down like a demon, through my vagina.

C Day countdown: 6 days.

So yep...we have a date for the C section...30th July. Literally next week.

I'm still working up until Friday so like this huge irrational fear has hit me that i don't have stuff ready yet and don't have time to do anything. The logical part of my brain knows that you really don't need all this extra crap that advertising says we need.

The illogical part of my brain is panicing because will 2 packs of Muslin cloths be enough???? Why hasn't David put together the Moses basket stand yet??? Maybe i really should buy a separate nappy bag and not just utilise an old backpack we already have??? Should i rewash the onsies? they've been in a drawer for a month??? I really need to give the bathroom a proper scrub before Wednesday... I really should hoover behind the fridge????...why can i still not find disposable maternity pants for fat ladies?????

Also Belly is now insanely hard and spawn of David delights in swinging her arms trying to dig her way out of me. Perhaps she will be a air traffic conductor, a boxer...or just really good at the macarena.

A human will be exiting me in 6 days.

I am terrified.

Made a potato named Josie.

Babies are weird and funny and exhausting and so so so soft.

I was kept in hospital after the section for 5 days because I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and needed an iron transfusion. Then Josie got a bit Jaundice (both fine now) but it means we lost 5 days of being at home and David only has 2 weeks of Paternity leave. He's back to work in 3 days and I'll be cracking on alone during the day and I'm slightly afraid tbh...I don't know how people do this alone from birth, they deserve a medal.

Breastfeeding is HARD. Like...an extreme sport kind of hard. Babies don't just clamber on and know how to feed they have to learn and there are angles and special hold positions and jaw shapes and latches. And if you're Josie you have a short tongue and just can't latch at all. We gave it a week and just gave up and started pumping (and supplementing with formula) but Pumping in itself is a weird as fuck extreme sport.

I'm not exactly sleep deprived...but I am deprived of QUALITY sleep. Like napping for an hour whilst she's passed out between feeds is easy enough...but getting a good long deep 4 hour stretch is a pipe dream.

But all in all I made a really good one, she isn't particularly fussy (unless hungry or in need of a change) and seems very happy to be either held of settled in her crib (for now)

Parenting will be weird...currently she's just cute and sort of stupid. 0% survival skills but 100% adorable. I can't wait for her little personality to start coming through or to have a smile that isn't followed by a nappy filling fart.

This will prob be the last photo update I post (just because my Tumblr isn't private like my other social media)

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling any baby blues and I would throw myself In front of a bus for this potato but my word...at 3 am when the screaming won't stop...this shit is hard.

If you would have asked me a year ago "What makes a good parent?" I would have said love...maybe patience and understanding. Consistency maybe.

No. What makes a good parent (at this stage at least) is endurance.

She's waking every 2 hours. Say she takes 30mins to feed, I then have an hour and a half to burp her, settle her, pump...maybe close my eyes for 15mins before it's go time again and I gotta get the bottle ready before the demon bursts forth from this tiny goblin.

So for every 2 hours in the night...I'm probably getting 15mins of sleep. Thankfully David will normally do the first feed so I can get like at least a single 2 hour stretch to get me through the night.

Endurance.

Its not like phew that was hard she's asleep now we're done. It's phew she's asleep now let's get cracking because it's go time again very shortly.

But she learned to smile at the weekend and my God does that make it worth it.

This morning she almost giggled as she farted and it was the absolute best.

I love motherhood.

Is 12 weeks 3 months? Or is she 3 months old on the 30th because she was born on the 30th? God knows.

We're still only sleeping a couple of hours at a time but very occasionally we get a 4 hour stretch which is such a relief.

Baby Josie is hillarious and really loves to chatter gurgly news to us. It's the fucking cutest thing every when she squeaks and waffles on, oh man it makes everything worth it.

Pumping is REALLY hard physically, emotionally and mentally. And I'm afraid my big ol' milk bags have just kinda said nah we're done now, which is kind of sad. I know it's not my fault at all and she at least got a few months of the good stuff but it still feels a bit kind of fail..ish even though logically I know it's not. I can't explain it.

I'm also oddly relieved to be rid of the hours and hours a day chained to the bloody moo moo machine. Kind of happy that my body has stopped springing a gushing leak every time Josie cries.

We're a bit more free to take random walks in the park now, boy does she like the autumn light coming through the treetops...but she also scowls like hell at the sky and when she does her eyebrows go full Romulan it's brilliant.

I found her the fluffiest little jacket second hand she's like a little cloud in it.

Anyway...

My baby is huge. I look back at her newborn pictures and that is a completely different sproglett. Like now she's a child. It's so weird. It's going too fast and it only seems to be excelerating...

In the last 3 weeks shes learnt to roll over (both ways), army scoot backwards across the floor, make a kissy noise in response to a kissy noise and instigate a game of "wheres the baby?" (Peek-a-boo) But like I mean shes not just playing in response to me she's actually instigating the play...she holds her woobie up to her face above her eyes until you say "where's the baby??" Then she whips it down with a triumphant smile for you to exclaim "there she is!!".

She's also cut two little razor sharp teethies on the bottom (which seems wildly unfair...to be teething early before weaning so you can't even chew on a stick of cool celery or something).

And just today she sat up on her own for a few seconds. Im sure that sitting for real will follow on very very soon.

She's so so funny since finding her voice and yells at you in fluent pterodactyl when happy. But also warbles slightly concerned to you when she's pooped.

She's fantastic.

But man I still don't get to sleep. My baby is NOT a sleep through the night baby. My baby is a contact naps only in the day and wakes up immediately on cot transfers and still needs 3-4 night feeds.

This is like torture levels of exhaustion. I'm not in my twenties...this is breaking me a bit. I really hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's in the form of a full night's sleep at some point BEFORE my maternity leave is over.

That's another thing...my return to work is looming...I'm terrified about the financial whack of childcare and also the emotional hit of being away from my demon bean.

It looms.

But like...in a blink of an eye she will be a toddler.

I haven't checked In for a while because i went back to work 3 months ago and life has been insanely exhausting since.

BUT! Very nearly 10 months old has got to be my favourite age so far.

My kid is hilarious and like she's a baby still but she's also not in a way...she's my kid...

She eats food and has preferences (big cheese fan over here) She loves books and smashing her blocks together. She says Dada and Mumma (but Mumma means her dummy lol) She also says Woobwoob (Her Woobie) and oddly enough Purhpo (Purple). She's bright as hell this kid.

And big....she's a big tall lady. If she keeps this up I'm going to start thinking my jokes of her ending up a Number 8 for the women's rugby team are manifesting something. (Also she has hecking good hand placement on a rugby ball and a pretty good throw for like...an Infant).

She's starting to sleep a bit better, although that's been buggered this week by the heat.

I'm desperate to reclaim at least an hour in the evening after she goes down to read or knit or be a human being again.

We're getting there.

Life is exhausting and then she high fives me, screeches in my ear and bites my face...and it's somehow worth it.

Hopefully one day soon I'll get back to actually hanging out on Tumblr again, reading books and posting rants about fictional people.

But for now it's flying visits in-between.