2 cute 4 u

Hahahhahaha Rachel flirts with every guy she meets and I have to deal with it. Classic. Love when my friends ditch me and I don't know what's going on

Congrats on being the ugliest piece of trash I've ever laid eyes on oh and the most annoying one too no wonder nobody fucking liked you you're fucking annoying and weird you'll never know how to have normal friends and you disgust everyone because of how gross you are oh and even my sisters boyfriends mom knows how ugly you are because it's that bad she literally had to mention how fucking ugly you are at a holiday dinner ouch would never want to be you or even around you I wish I could get the Fuck out now

I don't think I've ever been more annoyed and ready to absolutely punch someone than right now I am on my 19th hour of being awake it's 6:30 in the morning this fucking fake adderall won't wear off I've already taken a melatonin kris won't shut the fuck up this is the third night in a fucking row she goes to bed early and still snores at 5:30 probably the most annoying piece of shit I've ever had to deal with I want to actually fucking Rip her nose ring out and kick her on the ground she's so fucking annoying and ugly as hell I am stuck doing math because I can't even lay down and try to sleep because of how fucking loud she is and I have no where to go I wish she would fucking die so I would have the room to myself and would never have to look at her ugly ass fucking face again

I thought it'd be fitting to write a post as it's the summer and there have been two other long posts right in the beginning of summer for the past two years. The post a year ago really scares me, although I do remember writing it, it makes me sad that I was ever that sad. My life is still not the way I wanted it to be, which is the way I still wanted it to be, but I've learned so much in the past year. I've learned that I shouldn't settle for wanting a life like that, because the life I want includes shitty people and not a lot of cultivating interests. This past year was alright, it's hard pulling yourself up from absolute dirt, but I found a few friends from China and then student council and I slapped myself into being nice and funny no matter what and made a point to do it to most people. I also showed an interest in making plans more with Chloe jones Maikki and tori, which was good for me from not talking to anyone at the end of junior year. Right now in summer I have a fantastic group of friends, no we are not exceptionally close and I don't love them like I loved kelly, and they don't make me feel as good as being with the bitchy gc did. But they are good girls, they're nice and they like to do fun things that includes drinking and smoking but not complete partying and that's it. We spend a lot of time together and have a funny group chat with a couple other Marcos kids that I know and like. I have nothing to complain about because I like these girls and they like me. We bond together and enjoy the same things. Who could ask for more than that? I'm so lucky to have found friends. And it all started one day at grad party's, followed by zoyo and a sleepover that we took adderall for and pulled an all nighter. Then I graduated and had grad night, this summer started really really well. I also saw a lot of people from the senior class at grad parties. Ive had a great summer and making this post is warming my heart. Im not ready for u of a, as I was during senior year, but I'm still so excited for it. It's just so much work to get everything finished.

i dont think anybody understands how truly miserable i am when i look in the mirror i am terrible looking and so enourmously huge with gross cellulite and fat arms and when i go in my room i have no new texts and theres music playing i want to dance but i cant because im not happy enough and when i walk out to my living room my mom is there and she says hey rach you could always hang out with me and i really want to but i cant because i cant believe that she is the only friend i have the only person that even wants to be around me and that is so pathetic that i cant do it id rather be alone but i feel so bad because she thinks i hate her and she has no one else to be with at night and is insecure herself and she is sad herself but i cant be around her because of how pathetic i feel and i wish that my life was different and that these werent the circumstances i wish i wasnt in the room next to her when we both feel alone but i dont know what else to do because i need to sulk in silence but i am getting so sick of my room its like a cell ive been living in recently ive never been home this much i need to get out of here its hot and theres nothing to do and i listen to the same playlist with the same songs by the same artist until i fall asleep while my phone is in my hand and i wish i didnt have to use my phone so much because it has become my hand's attachment and it is making my fingers hurt and theres radiation going into my skull and my waist and my chest and im so scared what its doing to my eyes when i put it so close to my face but theres nothing else to look at besides who is doing what on social media and going on tumblr and wasting time on 2048 because i have no other thing to do with my time but creep on stupid peoples twitters of people that i wont even see this summer and that dont care about me and not interested in me but im already in this habit of obsessing over them so i continue to do it because its something that i can put energy into i have nothing else i have no other reason to live

Yeah no it's cool I'll just stay home tonight by myself in bed texting Wyatt while he's drunk Haven't drank since homecoming All I want to do is get drunk