FLIGHTLESS

When I was 8 I had a surgery and when I woke up I thought they hadn’t done the op and decided I didn’t want to have it after all and tried to run away from the hospital. My mum and a nurse had to restrain me (I don’t think I would have got very far in my hospital gown just post surgery!)

had eye surgery when i was three. since i’d had surgery before i specifically asked them to not put the stinky mask on me but give me an injection for the anesthetic. got to the OR. surgeon says “i like your pyjamas”. i was halfway through saying thank you when he whips out the mask out of nowhwre and put it on me. went out screaming and kicking.

Don’t remember what I was talking about when I went under, but I do remember that I woke up with ice chips in my mouth for hydration purposes, and immediately burst into tears because “the nurse was really, REALLY pretty”

Literally today when I was having a minor, routine procedure done they asked me what kind of music i’d like to listen to, I said specifically the LOTR soundtrack. Last thing I heard was a nurse saying ‘this kinda rocks to do an endoscopy to’

Welcome To The Cool Zone!!!!

sometimes i forget this comic exists and then i find it again and want to happy-cry

wtf i’m a postmodernist now

…you have too much time on your …HANDS.

what compelled you to do this

I’m watching chamber of secrets with my bf and the scene Harry’s scar came on and he just turned to me and touched my forehead and went “forgive me.... but ur pop tart scar.....it’s legendary...” and I’m never going to fucking hear the end of this am I

This is funny and all, but I would very much like to know what happened

I put pop tarts in the toaster oven and burnt my first batch got kinda pissed and made another batch and put them on a plate and got a glass of milk and tried going downstairs when I missed the first step out of agitation I fell down the entire flight of stairs spilling milk all over the place all the way down and at some point I broke the plate in half over my face and dropped my tarts went back upstairs made a third batch and only cried once

Welcome to night vale is 10% comedy 10% lovecraftian horror and 80% the narrator being an idiot with two brain cells that loves his husband

A bored gymnast in the wild.

I like that this implies that Ferb DOES lead a bizarre double life that we the audience don’t know about or see, but since PHINEAS already knows about it it doesn’t get brought up or explained.

pretty sure Amsterdam is now the sass capital of the world

It’s one of those moments in which I do love my country

IM SO PROUD 

The doctor I went to last week was looking over my history and he said “Endometriosis?” and I said yes. And he said “Is that just your speculation or have you actually been diagnosed?” and I was like “I have been cut open three times for it so I hope it isn’t just speculation.” and he just looked at me and said “Females tend to diagnose themselves” and without missing a beat I said “Well I hope you do your job so I don’t have to.” 

FUCK

The best part is the fact that out of the two of them Martha Stewart was the one who went to prison.

Wait…what?

Wiiiiild. He did commit murder (in self defense - no judging) and America‘s Best Housewife was sent to jail because of insider trading, securities fraud, obstruction of justice and conspiracy. This is wiiiiiild 😄😄😄

Ah! Hes the same guy who provides women selfies that they could use if they feel threatened!