HJ, late 20s, they/them. Expect a mess of content; I try to tag fandom posts for blacklisting purposes; not currently tagging any triggers, but let me know if you need me to. I will eventually go back to my CR liveblogs, I hope (see pinned post for tagging details).
spoilers for Thursday eps are tagged until the following Monday; spoilers for the animated series are tagged for a week following the episode airing
additional CR content is under the maintag, not tagged by show, with the exception of Narrative Telephone when I remember to tag as such -- #narrative telephone
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Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.
The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.
The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.
The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.
The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.
The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.
The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.
The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.
The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.
The Team abandons their high-tech high-concept plans and pull up to the front door in a battered van. Wearing blue jumpsuits or work clothes, they trudge into the lobby carrying bundles of cable and tools, and in a show of class solidarity the security guard just unlocks everything.
A story I once heard from a guy who specialised in security testing for IT. They had been hired to test out the security of the company, and one of the things they were testing was whether they could physically get secure data out of the building.
The guy walked in with a trolley with a wobbly wheel, loaded half a dozen computers onto the trolley so that they were unstable, and walked up to the main security door. At which point, the trolley wobbled and there was an avalanche of computers. The security guard helped him load the computers back onto the trolley and then held the door open for him as he walked out with six computers loaded with company secrets.
I can never take those "maid and princess" kink scenarios as intended because every time I see one I get a vivid mental image of a scenario where owing to a series of bizarre miscommunications each is convinced they're the one taking sexual advantage of the other.
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getting lost in boston is fun because I turned around on a street corner three times and some guy yelled "hey stupid! the bus is that way!" very helpful interaction and accurate insult, 10/10 no notes
one time I walked around a building a couple times looking for a bathroom and this guy went "this bitch thinks she's on a merrygoround, where the fuck are you tryna go? bathroom? one floor down to the right behind the door that says bathroom."
My very first time in Boston. I was absolutely miserable, trying to drag my giant suitcase up a lengthy set of stairs in the pouring rain. This guy who had already reached the top looked back at me with the most pure expression of disgust I’ve ever seen in anyone’s eyes, marched back down the stairs, grabbed my suitcase, carried it to the top, left it there for me, and walked away without ever saying a word. I think about him often.
For the people in the notes going "why is Boston like this": a) the insults are a way to show you have no ulterior motives when helping someone (and don't need to be thanked or repaid), and b) Boston was settled by the Irish
also the Italians. mixing Irish and Italian sociocultural attitudes had the effect of multiplying the Sass Levels by the power of infinity, in the sense that you get all of the clever dry wit of the Irish and all of the bitchy gossipy condensation of the Italians rolled into one very stereotypically overly-friendly American package.
also worth noting that who you are to them doesn’t matter. they’ll talk to strangers like that and will also talk to their best friends like that. they’re just Like That.
While watching a DVD from the library my TV popped up a message saying to press a button if I wanted to watch this from additional providers.
It's never done that before so I looked it up and turns out Roku TVs have added all sorts of creepy things in the privacy section since I last checked.
One of which being they take screenshots from what you're watching and send them to third parties to identify it.
Fucking hell! Remember when every fucking device in your life wasn't a spy implanted in your home and working against your interests to try and sell your data? Remember how nice that was??
Remember when the TV was just a tool that would play the things you plugged into it?
PSA - Do not buy an LG smart TV. They just added a line to their terms of use that it's the user's responsibility to inform any guests in their house that by entering they consent to be recorded, in order to comply with wiretapping laws. That thing is literally recording you.
You can find tutorials online telling you how to open that thing up and physically remove the mic and wifi module. Frankly I don't trust anything less.
Having competing and contradictory headcanons is so frustrating because on the one hand I absolutely love the idea of Essek with chronic pain who always floats because it hurts less and he can’t afford to look like he’s always in pain because no one can explain it so he must just be weak (the image of strength levitating projects is an unexpected but entirely welcome bonus) but I also love Essek who floats because it’s armor because it proves his power and it impresses important people (and it’s damn hard to intimidate a man who can always be taller than you) but I also love Essek who floats all the time just because he wants to and it’s his one concession to pettiness and floating gracefully along whilst thinking “hah imagine walking you fucking losers” is a much needed source of satisfaction in an otherwise very frustrating world (especially when he sees someone trip)
you really can reach a point with transgender enlightenment wherein you can attribute any bodily feature silhouette and detail to any gender regardless of typical cisgender aesthetic connotations. anything can be a man's body if the person in it is a man. anything can be a woman's body if the person in it is a woman. anything can be a genderless body if the person in it is genderless. and so on. the only thing that matters is the personhood within and whether you are willing to look and know and see it. open your eyes. keep trying until you no longer flinch or turn away in shame or anger or confusion.
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thinking about how c4 seems to have the oldest pcs so far, and then got curious about age distribution among the pcs, so for anyone else who wants to look at it, have another chart from yours truly!
due to various timelines and crossovers, characters are placed at the age they were around the start of their story (in most cases, this is the start of the campaign they were in, though there's a couple weird ones - and bertrand bell was impossible to decide so i put him at his search for grog age)
a star on the character portrait means we only have an approximate age for this character, so my best guess may be a couple years off. i also haven't watched c3, so apologies for any mistakes there, i am using the wiki!
conclusions i can draw from this:
c4 has the most middle aged characters
but c3 has the eldest distribution overall
27 is apparently the ideal age to start adventuring
@elliesgaymachete some of them are from now unavailable talks machina episodes, but yeah i can give you those!
under the cut to spare dashboards
in age order:
alex confirmed occtis was 20 on his fireside chat, and then said it several times in the campaign
the chronicles of exandria art book states keyleth left home at 20, when we meet her in the campaign it's been 2 years since then
taliesin mentioned percy being early-mid 20s in a vox machina q&a, matt also mentioned during the campaign that percy was underage when the briarwoods took over, 5 years before the campaign starts, so presumably 17 at the oldest. i think if he was younger than that then 21 is a bit young for early-mid 20s (and yeah whitestone could have an age of majority higher than 18, but again, limited range to qualify)
beau in the campaign says she's both 24 and 26 at points, but marisha on talks confirmed she lies that she's older than she is, 22-23 is more accurate
the mighty nein origins comics give two different ages for jester, one where she's 18, one where she's 28, so nothing confirmed, i picked around 24 because that feels about accurate to me
sam said veth was 25 (and did the whole small town get married right out of high school thing) on talks machina
vax says in the campaign he's 27, vex is only a few minutes younger than him and therefore also 27
azune is mentioned in c4 as having been 15 12 years ago
dorian says it in the campaign
tary calls himself "a young 28!" when vax asks how old he is
wiki says ashton's is calculable based on when his home village was destroyed
imogen says it multiple times in the campaign
sam says wick is roughly 28-29 a few times in the campaign
julien has the famously argued over "about to crest into his 30s", and the various ages people think that means. additionally aranessa who is 44 (listed in ep 26) brennan called "about 15 years older than [julien]", so yeah, 29-30
travis listed fjord as being about 30 in one talks machina, then "early 30s" in two other talks machinas
caleb says 33 in the campaign, this also tracks with the timeline of him being 16-17 when he killed his parents, 11 years in the sanatorium, 5 years on the run by the time we meet him
liam mentioned orym's age when he first saw vax on 4 sided dive, we know when that was, can calculate he's around 36-37 from that
ashley used to say a lot of different ages for pike early on in the stream/before the stream, but settled on early 40s by the end of it (which is about a year and a half to two years after the stream begins, so, 40-ish)
kattigan my estimate is based on brennan's descriptions of roughly how old he was each time we see him in a flashback
murray my estimate is based on the flashback from 25 years ago of the penteveral being founded. we can presume she was an adult (so at least 43), and we know her upper age is that she's younger than bolaire (says it in ep 4), but she feels like a young adult to me in that flashback, so i'd guess early 20s (and then +25 years for her current age)
thaisha and hal are 48, they were 19 in the flashback 29 years ago
laudna mentions being 50 at one point, but also mentions being 20 33 years ago, so somewhere in there
bertrand bell i wanna say travis mentioned his age during search for grog? but wiki doesn't list a source so can't confirm
tyranny being six months is mentioned a couple times in the campaign
molly being 2 is mentioned both in campaign and out
sam at the end of the campaign listed scanlan's age as almost 71, and then had to prompt people to get the joke of what age scanlan was at the start of the campaign a little under two years ago (he also confirms in talks machina, yeah, 69 is the entire bit)
bolaire tells us he was created a few days before rauwyn died, which we're also told in the campaign was 73 years ago
taliesin mentioned caduceus was anywhere from 80-120 on talks machina, i took the middle value and added an ish
fearne's age is listed in exu
chetney being a little over 400 is mentioned multiple times in the campaign
fresh cut grass is older than the divergence, which was over 800 years ago, though some have also noted on this post (since i haven't watched c3), that as far as his consciousness goes, he's also in the babies section!
vaelus being 800 and some is also mentioned multiple times in the campaign
This is actually such a crucial part of healing from neglect and abuse and I have to add to this.
Because indeed, people who like you will not roll their eyes and sigh at the idea of accommodating your needs, they will value your voice and be upset with you about injustice done to you, not at you for "being difficult". They will be happy when you find a way to live a better life, and help you to get there. If you are struggling, someone who loves you wants to see you smile, not tell you to smile because "you have it so good".
omggg can i break into the top secret lab where you’re being held and sneak into your test chamber and unhook you from the machines and carefully pull the needles from your body and carry you out and try not to think about how much weight you’ve lost even though you’re sooo light in my arms. can i smuggle you into a crappy pay-by-month motel room with the last bit of cash i can track down and wash you up in the chipped shower stall and tuck you into the cheap motel blankets as your body starts to flush with fever. can i stay with you as your body burns off the last of what they did to you. can i steal from vending machines and the continental breakfast and bring food home to you and coax you just to eat a little, a little more. watered down tea kept warm at the kitchenette. can i sleep next to you every night to keep you from going cold again, wait breathlessly for your eyes to open again. can i be there when they do
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