Finding My Pillars

No caption needed.

Feeling so zen after a yoga workshop that I sat in the chair on the other side of my spot for 10 minutes before I layed down in my spot. Lots of bold conversations and journaling will be taking place this week. I'm ready to stop fueling conditional love, leave behind some relationships that aren't working, reorganize my time to reflect MY priorities, start acting from a place of love always. Love this line from the workshop "whatever is here now, is okay because it's not permanent" Thank you, @youarenotstuck for helping me dive into what boldness means. I love your work. And I love you.

Friday night bliss!

Often people will ask me why the "Tt"? Because I'm a teetotaler and we're rebranding addiction. http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/2016/12/2/teetotalism-rebranding-addiction

Friday morning reflections. Thankful for this space and sweet time with some of my favorite kiddos. Thankful that love wins. I need to do all I think I can and then just a little more to be kind, understanding, compassionate, caring and LOVING to everyone. Thankful oh so thankful that I am awake. I was born for such a time as this. Onward upward. (at Forest Park South East)

I'm shaking and my heart is racing and my breathing is so messed up as I write this. I want to hide and not be seen or heard. I want you to disappear. But really I want the opposite of those things. I want someone to see me and listen to me. I want someone to emphasize. Inside the bag that is sitting next to me in the car is a bottle of my favorite wine and a shot bottle of my favorite liquor. I picked them up from the liquor store after a family dinner tonight. On my way home I called my sponsor and told her what I was doing. She told me to take it back, return the alcohol. Many times since I began trying to get sober I have purchased alcohol but I have never returned it. I have just thrown it away, given it away or poured it out. My sponsor told me to take it back. I'm scared and ashamed and embarrassed. And want to throw it away or pour it out like I've always done. Whenever I say something like that my sponsor asks "how's that working out?". The answer is always that it's not. To which she says "then it's time to try something different". Tonight I'm trying something different and returning the liquor to the store. This day sucks, this week sucks, these last few weeks suck. As much as I want to escape these feelings, I am not going to escape them with alcohol tonight. I'm also gonna really honest.

@alisonfunke and @brianfunke might never let me hangout with their kids again. But it was worth it. Love spending the night with these kids making memories. #makealife #friendsbecomefamily #TeamFunke

#nationalrecoverymonth #day8 The only thing that could make this night better is if Glennon herself walked up and sat down next to me (but didn't say anything because I'm having introvert time, which of course she understands). Truth tellers like G help me stay sober because they remind me not to be ashamed to share my truth because I never know who might need to hear it. Also how do I explain Glennon to people that don't know her?!? I mean she's our Glennon, our sister. #apm30days #gratitude #wearetheluckiest #recoverywarrior #sober #wedorecover #sober #sobriety #lovewarrior #carryonwarrior

Day 7 of #nationalrecoverymonth and today, I help keep me sober. Sometimes nothing works. The essential oils, the yoga poses, the breathing, the reaching out, the coloring, the walk none of them. You gotta help yourself feel the overwhelm, the fear, the anxiety the desire feel it all and let it crash. Then just like the waves of the ocean it will all fall away again. But if I try to push the waves away faster I will get angry and frustrated and be super unkind to myself. Tonight I take a deep breath and wait because this to shall pass. My sobriety is for me! #apm30days #gratitude #wearetheluckiest #recoverywarrior #sobercourage #soberlife #wedorecover #notalwayseasy #sober

It's day 1 of National Recovery month. I'll be sharing some of the things that keep me sober. These kiddos have eaten cupcakes, made volcanoes, beaten me at basketball, had sleepovers and infinite wrestling matches with me. Sobriety allows me to have more energy that is so needed to keep up with them. #apm30days #gratitude #wearetheluckiest #recoverywarrior #sobercourage #soberlife

Today's edition of things I would have NEVER said before JuicePlus. "There aren't enough vegetables in my chicken alfredo (top picture). I'm gonna cut up some peppers and add more broccoli (bottom picture)." #onesimplechange #juiceplus #moreveggies #gethealthy #itsstillweird

Tonight's PokémonGo adventure was so much fun! After we caught them all, we brought the kids back to watch the first Pokémon episode ever while enjoying milkshakes and microwave popcorn. Thanks for letting @karlyanelson and I take your kids @nrmagers and @alisonfunke we had such a blast!!! #community #gratitude #maybealittlecrazy (at Forest Park)

I had the best conversation with a good friend poolside today talking about goals, jobs, calling and how scary it can be when we are in our own heads. She told me about the potential she saw in me. Tonight I was telling someone about that and they told me "people want big things for you because they can see them in you." Tonight I am meditating on those words and that poolside conversation as I prepare for a new season of life. Thankful for badass friends believing in me and caring enough to tell me so. #gratitude #wearetheluckiest

I'm exhausted after a great night at the Park with my family. Saint Louis FC played to a 1-1 draw, I was called in to capo and we get to see fireworks after the game. #STLFC #StLouligans #AllFleurOne #soccerislove #gratitude (at Saint Louis FC World Wide Technology Park)

The world lost one of the greats today. Pat Summit and the Lady Vols were women's basketball to me for a long time. She made people care about the sport. A true winner in every sense of the word. You are a legend, Pat Summit. Rest in peace. #legend #RIPPatSummit

What an amazing night!! I got to play one of the drums at the Saint Louis FC game alongside the best drum corps in the USL! My brother came to the game with me! We won 7-1(yes 8 goals were scored in a soccer game)!! And the USA freaking won the group. #STLFC #StLouligans #AllFleurOne #soccerislove #USA #USMNT #siblinglove (at World Wide Technolgy Soccer Park)

So sad that @saintlouisfc game got postponed tonight. But ice cream and Monster's University makes it better. Glad to spend a night out with my brother. #siblinglove #wearetheluckiest #youbeyou #soccerislove