My head hurts

hi (with the intention of kissing you and such)

i can’t wait to have lazy sundays with my girlfriend/wife

Hey (with the intention of memorizing your coffee order so I can surprise you with it and see your smile)

when you see her... and your breath catches in your throat...and your heart skips... and your hands get warm... and the world fades and muffles into static... and your whole being suddenly is filled with shimmering starlight....

i don’t smoke but if I was famous i’d walk around with iced coffee and a cigarette to give the tumblr girls something to chew on

Cursed Hypothetical #137: what if Pendleton Ward had written Homestuck and Andrew Hussie had written Adventure Time

@charlesoberonn

Which one of the two am I supposed to be?

A true successor of Thomas Edison

surprise surprise

i’d like to share a night of credible sex with you.

just very believable sex. completely plausible.

I wish I had the confidence of Q Anon people making shit up.

whoop there it is

trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.

:/

this is so fucking funny

we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor

Who wants to date me and play chess PLEASE

You don’t even need to know chess lord knows my rating is trash.