feel like I'm stumbling into every wall

I Am Not Your Asian American Doll: a comic for AAPI Heritage Month 2023

I usually spend a lot of time editing and fine-tuning my comics so that they come across as polite and inoffensive. But honestly, I’m really tired of the way Asian cultures and countries are treated / talked about while Asian people themselves are excluded, and thought it was about time I really let my rage out lol.

My main inspiration was the work of feminist artist Barbara Kruger, who you may know from “your gaze hits the side of my face” and “you construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men.” I wanted to pair really shocking, striking words with high-contrast monochrome images as she did.

I chose eyes (and lack thereof) as a central motif. In conversations about art and media history, the “gaze” of the audience is a way to exert power. Who is made into the passive subject, and who gets to be the all-seeing viewer? Who is the subject being portrayed for? Hiding the Asian figures’ eyes demonstrates their lack of agency and establishes them as the subject rather than the viewer.

The skyline on page 5 includes Namsan Tower, as some readers pointed out. (You may have also been clued in from the page’s respective alt text, which describes this as the Seoul skyline.) Though numerous Asian countries have been victims of imperialism several times over, Korea was specifically in mind here. It was Western powers who Korea was split into the North and South, and their colonization and exploitation has led to extreme poverty even today, despite the country’s glamorous facade and rising international stardom.

As many guessed, pink was chosen for its association with sexualization and femininity, although of course fetishization of Asian cultures affects all genders. I also wanted to pick a dark, shocking pink that reminded the viewer of blood; in fact, it is used to color blood here on page 6. I was really happy that the color palette was limited but still legible. (But drawing the large food spread on page 4 with only three shades of pink was definitely a huge challenge.)

Here are some thumbnail sketches I made when planning the comic. You can probably recognize some of the final pages — and see how others evolved!

I want to thank everyone for their overwhelming support for this comic. I never could have dreamed of such an amazing response. To my Asian siblings across the world, you made me feel less alone. To non-Asian allies who lent me their ear, thank you so much for standing with us and listening to our struggles.

Usually I’m extremely careful to write my comics in a palatable tone, but for this piece I decided to not restrain my anger. I understood that by making this decision I would be sacrificing readership, and that many people would be much less willing to listen to me because of my tone. Nevertheless, I truly believe that any and all of the harassment I received was a small price to pay for such an honest piece to be seen.

Thank you all, again! Please consider supporting my most recent fundraising project, an Inumaki Toge themed fundraiser for aid in Gaza.