Explain the science of taste buds to children, tell them it’s okay they don’t like certain tastes because it means their body is trying to keep them safe, and tell them they might want to retry foods throughout their life because they’ll taste different as they age. Every single time I’ve done this the child has been excited to retry foods as they grow

Also undiagnosed allergies and especially intolerances are a thing.

So there I was, able to eat cooked fruits and veggies, but raw fruits, veggies, and nuts caused me pain. And when you’re a parent who doesn’t know that that’s actually something that can happen, you think your kid is just picky. I constantly got yelled at as a kid, and forced to eat stuff that genuinely caused me pain and discomfort because my mom wouldn’t listen to me. It wasn’t until I was like 15 that I was informed that I had the disorder.

So to people who saw my addition and the next one to this post and realised they have the same thing, talk to a doctor and know there’s a name for this.

And to parents: please listen to your kids. Sure, some will be fussy eaters, but if they genuinely hate a food or tell you it makes them feel “bad” or “weird” or “sick” or if it “tastes bad” or whatever other words they may use to tell you, listen! Kids don’t have life experience: they can’t tell you “hey parental unit, ingesting raw apple induces vomiting in my digestive system, so maybe don’t feed that to me” or “my neurodivergence makes me particularly sensitive to certain sensory textures and this food makes me want to claw my tongue out of my mouth”. They’ll use whatever vocabulary is at their disposal, and sometimes that boils down to confusing words like “tastes bad” even if it makes them sick, because that’s a phrase they know.

You’re currently setting up your kid for their later life. Everything you do shapes them. If you don’t notice anything’s wrong when it is, or if you minimise their symptoms, they’ll grow up to be adults that think what they experience is normal, and they’ll never get the medical help they need.

Then a pandemic comes along that solidly half the population insists is “just the flu” and you think people are going to forget that you indoctrinated them to believe that if they were capable of being conscious (and sometimes not even then) they should be in school? (And later, in work - this is at least part of the point of this stuff, training you to work while sick).

How Black and White Thinking Hurts You

(and What You Can Do to Change It)

Black and white thinking is the tendency to think in extremes: I am a brilliant success, or I am an utter failure. My boyfriend is an angel, or He’s the devil incarnate. This thought pattern, which the American Psychological Association also calls dichotomous or polarized thinking, is considered a cognitive distortion because it keeps us from seeing the world as it often is: complex, nuanced, and full of all the shades in between.

An all-or-nothing mindset doesn’t allow us to find the middle ground. And let’s face it: There’s a reason most people don’t live on Everest or in the Mariana Trench. It’s hard to sustain life at those extremes. Most of us engage in dichotomous thinking from time to time. In fact, some experts think this pattern may have its origins in human survival — our fight or flight response. But if thinking in black and white becomes a habit, it can:

• hurt your physical and mental health

• sabotage your career

• cause disruption in your relationships

(Note: There is conversation in the sexual health and mental health fields about NOT referring to dichotomous or polarized thinking in terms of ‘black and white thinking’ as it could be interpreted as referring color and race. More often, professionals refer to it as extremes or polarizations.)

Here, we discuss:

• how to recognize polarized thoughts

• what they could be telling you about your health

• what you can do to develop a more balanced outlook

Certain words can alert you that your thoughts are becoming extreme.

• always

• never

• impossible

• disaster

• furious

• ruined

• perfect

Of course, these words aren’t bad in themselves. However, if you notice that they keep coming up in your thoughts and conversations, it could be a signal that you’ve adopted a black and white perspective on something.

Relationships happen between individuals, whether they see each other as family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or something else entirely. And because people have ups and downs (to phrase it dichotomously), plus quirks and inconsistencies, conflicts inevitably arise. If we approach normal conflicts with dichotomous thinking, we’ll probably draw the wrong conclusions about other people, and we’ll miss opportunities to negotiate and compromise. Worse still, black and white thinking can cause a person to make decisions without thinking about the impact of that decision on themselves and others involved. Examples include:

• suddenly moving people from the “good person” category to the “bad person” category

• quitting a job or firing people

• breaking up a relationship

• avoiding genuine resolution of the issues

• Dichotomous thinking often shifts between idealizing and devaluing others. Being in a relationship with someone who thinks in extremes can be really difficult because of the repeated cycles of emotional upheaval.

Black and white thinking can also cause people to:

• look at certain foods as good or bad

• look at their own bodies as either perfect or revolting

• eat in binge-purge, all-or-nothing cycles

Researchers have also found that dichotomous thinking can lead people to create rigid dietary restraints, which can make it hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food.

How can you change black and white thinking?

Black and white thinking can really make things difficult for you personally and professionally, and has been linked to mental health conditions that are treatable.

For these reasons, it’s important to talk to a psychotherapist or mental health professional if you notice that thinking in extremes is affecting your health, relationships, or mood.

You may want to work with someone who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapyTrusted Source, because it has been proven effective in dealing with dichotomous thinking.

You may also find it helpful to try some of these methods:

Try to separate what you do from who you are. When we equate our performance on a single metric with our overall worth, we’re going to become vulnerable to black and white thinking.

Try listing options. If black and white thinking has you locked into only two outcomes or possibilities, as an exercise, write down as many other options as you can imagine. If you’re having trouble getting started, try coming up with three alternatives at first.

Practice reality reminders. When you feel paralyzed by black and white thinking, say or write small factual statements, like There are several ways I can solve this problem, I’ll make a better decision if I take time to get more information, and Both of us may be partially right.

Find out what other people think. Black and white thinking can keep you from seeing things from someone else’s perspective. When you’re in conflict with someone, calmly ask clarifying questions so you can come to a clear understanding of their viewpoint.

The bottom line

I love her.

I appreciate her.