she/her 20yo Brazilian

But now he was distant, drawing himself further within dark places he did not want me to go. I knocked once on the door before sliding in without a response. There was my gorgeous mate standing next to the close to overflowing bath, staring at his scarred hands with empty eyes. 

I knew immediately what was wrong. I switched off the nozzle for the tub and made my way in front of him, my form not doing much to block the large mirror behind me. 

“Azriel?” I asked keeping my voice low so as to not startle him, I hadn’t seen him like this in ages and worry ate at my gut. I pressed a gentle touch to his hand, testing the waters and he flinched. 

So it was just as bad as I thought. 

I worked on removing his working clothes and various weapons gently caressing my fingers over his body so he didn’t feel suffocated. He obviously washed off before arriving and the clothes were old, small stains of blood smeared on his skin.  “Did you know the neighbor’s cat has been hanging around here? It happened the last few weeks you were gone. I think he likes Kia. They’ve been playing underneath the porch.”

I left him in just his sweatpants not so subtly searching his bare torso for wounds in case he was too far gone to realize he’d been hurt and after realizing he was ok I reached for the pearlescent comb set in the cabinets, grabbing a small stool to make it easier to brush away all the knots in his hair. “You need a haircut.” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek before continuing. “Anyways I really hope he doesn’t get her pregnant. Although kitten’s running around her would be so cute, I don't know anything about them. Nyx would absolutely adore them though.”

I stepped down from the stool and tested the bath waters to make sure it was hot enough, adding a few good smelling oils and lighting the new candles. “Speaking of Nyx, he's only gotten more rambunctious lately. Mother help us when he actually starts flying. I swear he’ll crack his head. He obviously gets it from Rhys.” I helped him take off his sweatpants and softly guided him to the bath, stripping my own clothes and joining him. 

I washed his hair, then his wings then did my best to wash his body. All the while talking about everything and nothing just so I could bring my mate back to me, hoping he would start listening to my voice instead of the awful voice in his head. The bond slowly starting opening from his end and I knew it was working.

When I turned around and reaching for the comb on the nearby counter just for good measure his smooth voice shakes slightly. “Why are you doing this?” He whispered staring at his hands again. 

I faced him once again, comb forgotten. “What do you mean my love?” I asked scooting closer to him. He kept staring at his scarred hands and I grabbed them in my hands. Knowing what he meant but wanting to hear him say it. He flinched at my touch and tried pulling away but I held tighter.

Sometimes people needed space and sometimes they needed to be pushed, Azriel was the type to go far into his inner demons; it took a little extra shoving to push them away. His voice cracked as he said my name as I swirled soothing patterns over the scars. “These hands….these hand’s shouldn’t-” His voice broke again and his usually stoic face grimaced in pain. 

“I do not deserve your reverence. Or your love. I’m a monster, these- these hands have done things your mind would shatter underneath the weight of. They have hurt so many people-” 

“Oh Azriel…” I whispered, my heart breaking at his words. I brought our joined hands to my lips and peppered kisses over each scar. “You are not monstrous, you are not a vile demon.”

He protested with my name  but I cut him off. “No, let me finish. These hands protect this court, these hands protect our family. They hurt villains and monsters. These hands aren’t just capable of destruction. They are capable of nurturing. They make me breakfast every morning and cradle Nyx.”

I moved on from kissing his scars to kissing his palms, his fingertips. The bond softening at each touch. “These hands move the pages on my favorite books as you read to me. These hands braid my hair, these hands make me feel loved, safe and cared for.”

I slowly dragged his hands over my body. “These hands bring me so much pleasure.”  the touch grounding him and a flash of desire passed over his once haunted eyes as I positioned his palm to cup my sensitive parts underneath the water. But I brought them back up to my waist, knowing that’s not what he needed right now. I made sure his eyes were back on mine before speaking again

“These hands cherish me, our family, they make me fires when I'm cold and hold me when I'm scared. I love you Azriel. You won’t break me, or hurt me. I love you baby and you deserve it.” I meant every word and he tugged me close to his chest before I could see the silver lining his eyes, positioning me so I sat in his lip, my head tucking into his neck and he rubbed soothing motions up and down my arm. I breathed in his familiar scent letting it ground me and the bond was wide open now. 

“I love you so much.” He murmured reverently, pressing a slow kiss to my lips. 

The newfound power was thrumming under his skin with a raging vengeance. He felt hot all over as if lava itself had been melded to his very soul. It itched to lash out at any person who brushed against his shoulder as he walked. It begged to be free from the confines of the cage he was struggling to keep intact. 

Everything inside of him was burning and it was overwhelming. His ears rang and he could taste his own blood in the back of his throat. 

It wanted freedom, it wanted to taste the air and dance throughout the forests. It wanted to consume just as much as it wanted to leave and Eris wondered if he would survive it. Black dots dancing in his vision at the restraint it took. 

He briefly thought if this is what drove his father insane and shoved the terrifying notion to the darkest parts of his mind. He would not lose everything he worked for because he could not keep it together as if he was a youngling. He mastered the flame long ago and he would again if that’s what it took.

Eris let out an exhale through clenched teeth, smoke leaving his lips and curling with the very air before hiding in the pollution of the nearby houses all stacked together. He-

Someone ran into him, his distracted state of mind had him stumbling into a cobbled wall. Rage burst along his skin and that newfound beast surged forward with a promise of destruction. Blue sparks of flame dancing in clenched fists. 

He snarled and when he turned to face his attacker the first thing he saw were your hands, hovering over his body as if you reached out to help him but stopped yourself, he trailed the rest of your body until finally landing on those unique eyes and the world shifted on it’s axis for the second time that day. The mating bond snapped in his chest and he swore he heard the ground rumble in response. The universe itself changing the atoms around them to pause time just for that brief moment.

“I am- Holy shit I am so sorry. Are you alright?” You rushed out, studying him carefully, hands still splayed out in the space in front of him. A cautious look in your gaze and Eris was sure he looked like a rabid beast, his clothes rumpled and a vicious stare, smoke curling from under his skin as he burned hotter than he thought possible. 

It was then he realized the hellfire scorching his soul had calmed, instead of urging for freedom it peeked over his shoulder in curiosity. A feeling of calm settling all the way to his bones for the first time in days no-centuries. Hell, maybe for the first time at all. 

Someone called your name from the crowd and he savored the feel of it rolling around his mind. His heart. You cursed under your breath and reached into your cloak, pulling out a few shiny rocks each of them varying in colors. “Sorry this is all I have on me.” You gently dropped them into his hand and he shuddered underneath the brief touch. 

You looked at him expectantly and he realized he hadn’t spoken a single word. When he opened his mouth to try all he could taste was ash. Fuck he needed to say something. Someone called your name again, in a clipped tone and you glanced behind you. “Sorry, again for running into you!” 

And just like that you were gone, whisking yourself away in the haze of people and taking the only peace he had with you. 

That fire reared its ugly head again only this time it had a different purpose a new primal instinct only adding fuel to his newfound power. 

He shook it off and did his best to bury it. Heading back into the streets. Confusion settling over him more than anything else. He would find you. 

No not for courtship. Eris was too determined for love. It wasn’t meant for sadistic monster’s like him. His breathing evened as he settled into his goal-oriented mind. A strategy alreading forming. 

No no, he would find you for the sweet relief you had brought him for he had never felt his fire quiet. Never felt that anxious power be lulled to sleep even before this old power.

He crossed the room in a few strides before standing directly behind you as you sat at your vanity. You didn’t even have a chance to respond before he pulled the scarf away from your neck gently and pinned your hair up with the jeweled metal hairpin he had gotten you last year as a birthday present, perfectly showing off the hickies.

“Azriel!” You exclaimed, turning in your seat to face him and his eyes gleamed at the yellowing dots decorating your bare skin. “I can not show up to your family’s house like this!” 

His brows furrowed slightly, the only sign of confusion you’d read off the usually stoic male. “But you look so pretty like this my love.” He murmured, reaching down and brushed his fingertips against the tender skin, his breath tickling your ear as he pressed another biting kiss to the juncture of your throat. 

Everyone told you once a mating bond snapped the males got unusually possessive, of course you believed them but Azriel was something on a whole different level. When you first met him he explained Illyrians were more territorial, all the instincts heightened. You couldn’t remember the exact sciences on it why but it made you feel so safe, loved and incredibly turned on. 

You gave him an exasperated look through the mirror, one he promptly ignored. His hands curling tighter around your shoulders. This had been going on for years. Every attempt at an introduction was thwarted by Azriel’s skilled persuasive abilities and intoxicating touch.

You did your best to stay strong this time, trying to ignore the way your entire being electrified at his close proximity, sparks running along every expanse of skin he touched. Your toes curled and you let out a soft breathy moan. One that Azriel had still heard and a victorious smile graced his lips. He hid his face in your neck so you didn’t see it. 

But you still did and it was enough to -barely- break you out of his spell. You stood up out of your chair and he rose to full height with you, towering over you slightly. “Azriel!” You reprimanded. “We are going to be late.”  

“We’re already late, what’s an extra five minutes?” He smirked, his shadows swirling around his shoulders as if in agreement. You scoffed, letting out a few curses under your breath. He had been pulling this all morning. 

You didn’t have to be a Spymaster to know Azriel was dragging his feet, first holding you tighter in bed so he could keep using your stomach as a pillow, spilling coffee on the outfit you’d picked out so you’d have to spend another 15 minutes trying to create a new one and now this hickey situation.  

You knew the High Lord or Lady was yelling at him too if any of the occasional winces and rubbing his temples were anything to go by. 

“I’m going to be making such a bad impression already!” You protested, holding your palm out for your clothing back. “Now give me my scarf so we can go please.” 

Azriel just looked at the light brown fabric still wrapped in his hands as if it committed a grievous act against him. “You’re so obsessed with this scarf.” 

You groaned, this time you were the one soothing your head with your fingertips. You knew he struggled when you were gone for long periods of time, both of your work schedules making it endlessly hard to actually have time to be husband and wife, mates, and life partners it drove you crazy too but you’d have to find a compromise because there was no way you were showing up to the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court’s estate covered in hickies. 

You told him as much and he paused, finally noticing your nerves of the event. Years after missed dates and scheduling conflicts and getting distracted by Azriel’s sly touch was all coming to an end, you were finally meeting his family, it loomed over your head and nerves pumped violently through your bloodstream.

It was a bittersweet feeling and you just wanted everything to go well, Azriel wouldn’t stop talking about how amazing his family was. His love for them ran deep and if they somehow didn’t like you….

Azriel begrudgingly passed the scarf over, your comfortability and safety would always come first and he tamped down those raging instincts telling him to whisk you and mark you more thoroughly and reclaim you over and over again especially after your long time apart. He instead pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead.

“Don’t worry love, we are completely mild compared to the crazy shit I’ve seen or heard my brother’s get into with their mates.” He shuddered and you laughed a little bit, pressing yourself closer to him so you could give him a quick hug and a soft peck to his lips, hearing a mumbled “Gods you’re killing me.”  Before sitting back down at your vanity. He sent a wave of reassurance through the bond and you returned it. You've dined with High Lord’s before this would be fine, you were fine. It had to be fine. 

“He’s not coming.” Mor said with finality. Looking over at the golden watch on Amren’s wrist. “I mean they were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.” The ancient female pulled her hand away from the blonde sharply, giving her an even harsher look of disdain.

Cassian eyed the clock nervously and shot Mor a warning glare. It was incredibly important to him that this went well, you were a major part in his brother’s life and he wanted to not only make a good impression but also make sure you were good enough for Azriel, he recognized it as a silly thought you’d been mated for many years (unbeknownst to him) -and he’d definitely be having some words with Azriel about not being there for his mating ceremony later- but he wanted to make sure Azriel felt loved and cherished, taken care of with all the shit he’d already been through in his lifetime. 

Rhysand just let out a soft sigh, swirling the orange juice in his glass, desperately wishing it was something stronger. He’d assumed his dear brother would be late based on his previous patterns and the little reunion they’d witnessed last night but not this late and he was giving the Spymaster five more minutes before he winnowed the entire family, and their dining table to his living room torches all ablaze and pitchforks raised.

Although he couldn’t help but let out a soft smile at the thought of the usual strict and punctual Shadowsinger was willing to abandon his rigid routine for someone. 

“He’ll be here.” Feyre assured on her mate’s behalf, although her own confidence in him was waning, he did have a habit of simply not showing up when an introduction was planned. 

“You’re sure the female you saw wasn’t an illusion or a paid actress or-?” Mor started but suddenly the lighting in the room dimmed, shadows moving briefly across the edges of the floorboards before the sunlight streamed through the windows once again. An unfamiliar female’s voice rang throughout the large house as she laughed and Cassian’s heart flooded with relief at the sound, anxiety simultaneously  pumping in his chest, he wanted everything to go perfectly.

 “-are absolutely ridiculous.” “Yeah, yeah.” The shadowsinger muttered, the leftover pieces of conversation barely reaching the Inner Circle’s ears. 

Two sets of footsteps echoed across the floorboards, getting closer and closer to the dining room.

 Mor whispered a shocked. “No way.” Another step. “No way.” Another step. “No way.” 

She whispered it after every movement made until finally the couple came into view, standing in the open doorway and she couldn’t even make a sound, her mouth dropping at the sight of you. 

There was a few stunned moments of silence. 

The Inner Circle was staring at you as if you were a foreign creature and you shifted a little bit under their gaze, your mate had prepared you for an endless stream of questions but not the wide eyes and open mouths although you guess it was to be expected and Azriel tightened his hold on your shoulders protectively. 

“Surely you have better manners than this?” He bit out a little harsher than originally meant after a few more uncomfortable moments of stillness. 

You gave them a bright smile and a timid wave, breaking them out of their trance and all of a sudden they erupted with movement pulling you in for hugs and shaking your hands. Not so subtly inspecting you all the while bombarding you with questions.

This was going to be quite the breakfast.