Queer Fables

NOEL

Have you spoken to the band?

[Brightly] I haven't, no. I spoke to Marcus [Oasis's manager]. Everybody's on good form, apparently.

Have you read the gig reviews?

[Laughs] I have, yeah. It's ironic. We never got a good review for the first six months of the tour, and as soon as I leave it's like the greatest rock 'n' roll band ever!

Why do you reckon that is?

I have to assume people just don't like me! I mean, the five guys in the group are all brilliant musicians and they're playing brilliant songs, so why wouldn't it be good?

When I was reviewing the new album I did feel the easiest way to write it would be to slag it off...

[Nods] Mmm.

These days if you say it's actually quite good, you're laying yourself open. But I reckon 'Gas Panic' is one of the best songs you've written.

Well, yeah. I think people expect a bit much. I don't think people think it's a bad album, it's just not this earth-shattering experience. But is any band that important after five albums? What I find... not upsetting, but annoying is, like, we've got a single out yesterday. Now, on Monday morning people'll start writing about how it failed to get to Number One, or the top five. But nobody writes how Travis have failed to get to Number One. ['Sunday Morning Call' enters the charts at number four.]

I suppose people expect Oasis to be a big-selling band.

I know, but there has to be a dramatic fucking 'Bumph! It's gonna change now!' There can't be just a gradual change over six months. Someone's gotta stand up and say 'Fuck, I'm not doin' it any more.'

But when Blur came out with the 'Blur' album after 'The Great Escape', there was a bit of 'Ooh, it's not doing well'. Then everyone was like 'Who cares?'

I fuckin' envy them in a way, because we couldn't go off and make a lo-fi, indie-jungle record. Blur can do that. And Primal Scream can constantly reinvent themselves and The Beta Band can, because they're not considered seminal fuckin' artists. Y'know, we've gotta be constantly in the top five and records have gotta sell millions and tours have gotta be bigger than the last... And I don't wanna make fuckin' avant-garde records. I like playing the guitar. I like being a rock 'n' roll band. But people accuse you of not progressing. Then if you did change they'd say 'What are you doing making Krautrock records?'

Does it freak you out reading these good gig reviews?

[Genuinely] No, fuck, no.

How are you in your head?

[Hesitant] I'm really... I'm never happy touring at the best of times. Y'know, with me being the spokesman, I get up at ten and before the soundcheck at 5pm I'll have done seven interviews, generally with an interpreter, answering the same questions. The hour and a half on stage is brilliant, but it's just all the bullshit that surrounds it.

Can't you tour on your own terms?

Yeah, but you've gotta have the other five people in the band on the same wavelength. I can't be bothered with the fuckin' rock 'n' rollness of it all. That's not me any more. Whereas everyone else is having the time of their lives.

Liam thinks you expected them to follow you home.

[Surprised] No, not at all. Did I fuck.

Because it was all right in Japan and America...

It was brilliant, but y'know, he's made a big deal about this hypothetical fuckin' solo career that I'm supposed to be starting. Which is all bollocks. [I only meant] one album of maybe like acousticy, folky stuff in between Oasis records, as a side-project. Now I'm not even sure I can be arsed. It's like, if it's gonna cause that much fuckin' trouble, then I can't be bothered.

If you were a punter, how would you feel seeing Oasis without you?

Well in my defence if anybody wanted their money back they could've seen the promoter. As far as I'm aware, everybody turned up. I mean, Oasis was always about Liam Gallagher singing my songs. I think everybody else is totally interchangeable, but out of respect for the British fans I've decided I'm gonna do these gigs and then I'm gonna very, very long holiday. And then I'm gonna decide what I wanna do.

Have you had it up to here with Liam?

Oh, I've been up to there with Liam since...

I met him for the first time last week. He was pretty much what I expected. Intense, well-meaning, but...

[Vehemently] The bottom line is, if Liam's fuckin' sober he's great. But once he's pissed he likes nothing better than to sit in a room and argue. Y'know: 'I can drink more than you can drink.', 'My Dad's bigger than your Dad.' I mean there's something about me that makes him unhappy, and if I make him that unhappy then I'll y'know...

But he looks up to you, he adores you.

[Passionate] Yeah, I adore him as well. But not to the point where I'll sit and be insulted all night, in front of a load of people. I'm not having that off anyone.

Leaving him to it could be the best thing for Oasis. Problem is, he needs to understand your reasons.

Well, I'm quite proud of the fact that he's carried on. Y'see, Liam desperately wants to be in charge, and as far as I'm concerned now he is in charge. He needs to prove summat to himself, that he can be the man. But I'm sick of being the endless guest on 'The Jerry Springer Show', y'know, 'And our next two guests are two brothers from Manchester...' It's like, 'Aww fuck off, man, I can't be arsed.' But you know, Liam's still in his twenties and he's still living the life of a rock star.

But you've got five years on him.

Yeah. But I still don't understand him or the reasons why he's always going off at me. Two or three years ago I'd sit down and try and get inside his head. Now I can't be fuckin' bothered. Until I can see a change in him, what's the fuckin' point? Because ultimately the music suffers. You wanna try being in a recording studio with him...

He doesn't really understand where you're coming from. He said he tried to apologise.

Yeah, but he's been apologising for six years. And it's not just things about me, he's said some things that are out of order. Things that you shouldn't even think, let alone say in front of people who are basically total strangers. It's easy to say you're sorry and it's a different thing meaning it. So he's apologised, big fuckin' deal. Until the next time. But this time there isn't gonna be a next time, because I've just about had enough of him. And y'know, you're in a hotel room in Paris and you think: Well, I've got six weeks left in Europe with this twat, or I've got a house in Ibiza with its own beach. Hmm. This is not a difficult decision to make.

Is there a chance there might not be a next album?

Well, I've written two songs - that doesn't even constitute a single. And they were songs I'd written maybe 18 months ago. So I've gone 18 months without writing anything. And every time I pick up me guitar or try and write some words, it's just not doing it for me. As I get older I feel like I need a lot more time. Now you try and speak to Liam, it's always, 'Right, when are we going in the studio?' And I'm like, 'Well, I haven't written any songs.' 'Well, when are you gonna write some songs? I'm not fuckin' having another year off.' And I'm like, 'You can't force these things. If it takes me five years to write an album, then you're gonna have to sit on your arse for five years. Unless *you* go and write a bunch of fuckin' songs.'

I reckon he feels awkward around you.

Yeah, well, we'd be sat on a tour bus and we'd put on a tape and summat'll come on and he'll go 'Who's this?' and you go 'Oh, it's Superstar'. And he'll go [aggressively] 'Fuck, it's shit'. [Calmly] 'Fair enough.' [Aggressively] 'Who the fuck are they? So you're into these, are ya?' It's like 'Well, hang on a minute, it's only a fuckin' song. I *like* the song. Leave it, man.' Before you know it there's a full-scale argument...

But he values your opinion.

Yeah, but why does he have to do that? I don't know. [Sighs] I was speaking to me Mam about it... It's like he can't accept the fact that maybe the band is not the most important thing in my life any more. When I had two years off, I came back and it was like, 'I'm married, I've got a kid now.' And watching my little girl grow up and go to school is more important than watching the band develop. He's gotta get his head round that before we can go any further.

Plus it sounds like he's got shit going on with Patsy.

Well that again, y'know. Everybody in the band has personal problems, but you should never bring them into the studio or on tour.

C'mon, though: if your marriage was breaking up, it'd be hard for it not to affect you.

I'm sure. [Pauses] I'm sure. But it's nobody else's fault. I mean, I haven't got the answers to his problems. Not at all. But Liam seems to think that because we're not as big as we were five or six years ago, somebody has to have the answers. Y'know: 'What are the reasons we don't sell ten million albums any more?' I really don't know. If I knew I'd put it right.

Liam thinks you carry the burden of the band and he's saying he could take more off you.

[Deep breath] Er, it's not that it's a burden, it's just that it's always been like this for me. Liam started doing 50 per cent more interviews on this tour, but it still hasn't taken any workload off me. When we started this tour it was like, we haven't put a record out or played for three years, half the band had gone, there was new members, we were fuckin' on the way to Japan and someone's decided C4 are gonna do an on-the-road documentary, we've got all the journalists in the same hotel. And this is the first *day*. You couldn't go to the bar without [mimes putting a dictaphone out] 'Can I have a word about this?' And then of course bright spark has to go and say he's gonna break Robbie Williams's nose before we even get on the plane.

That Robbie - Liam thing was a bit silly.

It was just pathetic. I was sat watching CNN in a hotel in Japan and they had a report from the BRITS and none of it was about who'd won. And then you see fucking Robbie Williams challenging Liam to a fight. And I'm sat there eating my breakfast going 'This is not real, this is not happening'. But then you pass Liam in the foyer and he's going 'Yeah, I'm gonna break his fuckin' legs when I see him'. It's like 'Will you shut the fuck up, man?'

Beckham and Posh have kind of taken over from you and Liam as the tabloids' most wanted. Do you have any sympathy for them?

Er, I've got sympathy for him, 'cause he just seems to be going along with it. I mean, if she wasn't married to him, who's she? Just one of the Spice Girls who can't sing. Whereas he's the best fucking footballer we've got in the country. I mean, you know that documentary they did and she was interviewing him? How can you interview you husband on TV? It's sick. I feel sorry for him, but... [laughs] Fuck him, he's a dirty red anyway!

How do you think things will be with Liam in Dublin?

The manager phoned me last week and said him and Alan [White, drummer] was saying 'Look, we want a meeting before you do these gigs' and I was going 'Well fine, all right'. And of course, who didn't turn up? So that shows how much it means to him. They think it's gonna be weird, but it's not gonna be weird for me, I don't hate anyone, I haven't fallen out with anyone. It's just I didn't wanna be on the fucking road with him.

Why don't you just play big gigs in capitals where you don't necessarily have to stay in the same hotel, don't have to do any press... ? It's almost like you take on too much.

Well, that's what I'm saying. We have to sit down at the end of this tour and I've gotta have a big fuckin' think about where we're going and how we're gonna get there. I couldn't just sit down now and go 'If we do this, if we do that'. But I know what I'm not gonna do is just fuckin' give up making music, just fuckin' sit at home and become a dad. I want my kids to grow up and see me in action, not watch me on some archive footage from fuckin' Knebworth.

Do you think there's a possibility that you're just not gonna bother with Oasis?

Of course, yeah. But we'll see what happens.

You're more pissed off with it than I thought.

I'm not thinking too much about anything at the moment, just about getting these gigs done and hopefully them being received really well. Then after that... See, I've always felt your management or your label never give you enough time. When I was younger I could sit in a room and knock off three songs a day, like 'Some Might Say' and 'Whatever' and a bunch of B-sides. But y'know, I'm not 26 any more. People think: Aw, give him two weeks and he'll write another album. It's not like that.

Is it pressure?

No, it's just that when I was 26 the most important thing in my entire life was the group and writing songs. But now it's not. I've devoted enough of my time to Oasis. I've given enough, so now I wanna take a bit back. But I never said I was gonna do a solo album and leave the fuckin' band. I just wanna do little things that make it interesting for me. But I've no intention of leaving the band.

Is Liam's drinking the big...

[Quickly] For me it is, yeah.

He said: 'I just drink till I fall asleep.'

Well that's fine, but it's the bit before he falls asleep which is a fuckin'... Everybody else finds it really funny, but when you're sat on the end of it. He gets *that far away* from your face, y'know, just going like [incoherently] 'Well fuckin', where the fuckin' cunt this'. It makes me tired. It gets me down, But he knows that, and the more it gets me down, the more he does it.

It'd be good if you two could sort it out.

Listen. Every time we fall out it's always this big fuckin' dramatic thing. To me it's just another argument, man. It'll sort itself out. It's not as if we're never gonna see each other again. Let's put it this way: if I wasn't related to him, I'd have sacked him fuckin' four years ago. But it's not.. [Quietly] It's deeper than all that.

Perhaps Wembley will be the turning point. That little bit of friction could be the thing that makes it...

Y'know, the last gig I did with the band was in Madrid and it was one of the best gigs I've done for years. What I'm really looking forward to is getting onstage at Reading. Because we've gotta follow Primal Scream. And if you can't summon up enough enthusiasm to say, 'Right, well, we've gotta be better than them.' Y'know, I'm looking forward to going on after them. Then we'll see how good we are.

July 5

Despite Noel's revelation otherwise, NME claim they've heard three new tracks.

July 6

Liam insists a new Oasis album is written, to be released in January.

July 7

With Liam in Dublin, Patsy Kensit leaves her and Liam's Primrose Hill house. In broad daylight. In front of reporters. Wearing a lovely dress. 'I'm actually quite relieved,' she tells 'London Tonight'.

July 8

'Patsy Legsit' screams the Daily Star, with the Mirror's cover carrying news of Patsy's new fella. Meanwhile, I'm off to Dublin to see Noel and Liam's reunion gig. The route to the 40,000 sell-out Lansdowne Road show is littered with leery, beery men singing and pissing. Naturally, when Liam, the Patron Saint of Laddism, skulks onstage, the crowd go barmy. And although, annoyingly, most of the sound blows into the gusty Dublin night, it's clear Oasis still rock - even if the old stuff does rock most. Liam's voice is as snarlingly majestic as ever, his swagger as cocky. And Noel seems genuinely touched by the spine-tingling crowd reaction to 'Don't Look Back In Anger'. 'We ain't splitting up,' growls Liam before the brotherly 'Aquiesce', with its chorus of 'Because we need each other', after which the brothers shake hands. Later, as they say goodnight to the Dublin masses, Noel tells them, 'We'll see you next time.' A truce, it seems, has been called.

July 9

The Irish Sunday People's front page reveals 'Liam's Dublin booze binge'. Apparently, he knocked back 15 pints of Guinness in his hotel. Meanwhile, Noel, we're told, arrived on a different flight and stayed in a different hotel. A truce then, but not a full-on peace accord.

July 10

'Rock chick to wreck chick' says the Sun, splashing pictures of Pasty and her new man over two pages. Thankfully, Liam is keeping 'a dignified silence'.

And there you have it. Twelve days in the weird, wonderful, ever-changing, tabloid scrutinised lives of Noel and Liam Gallagher. If Liam can keep his gob shut, they're well poised to reclaim some of their former glories. And if he doesn't, Noel seems likely to walk away. But whatever happens, you can be sure the world will be watching. No wonder they called their label Big Brother.