Quarterlife Center

If you’re in your twenties or thirties and feeling uncertain or stuck in your life, you might be experiencing what’s often referred to as a quarterlife crisis. This term reflects a deep exploration of the life you’re building–an internal shift that invites growth, clarity, and more authentic alignment with who you truly are. It’s a moment when many of us are exploring important questions about identity, work, and relationships. It’s when many of us feel uncertain about which paths to take. The job that looks good on paper, but feels hollow. The relationship that checks the boxes, but doesn’t spark our soul. The life that seems perfectly fine, except for the quiet voice inside whispering, “Not this.”

In therapy, I often hear clients express a quiet but persistent feeling that something isn’t right. Life might look successful on the surface, yet internally, it feels unfulfilling. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should feel happy, but something feels off,” you are not alone. That voice is important. It is your truth trying to surface.

This period of questioning is not a failure — it’s an invitation. You are not broken or behind. You are waking up. It’s an opportunity to pause, reflect, and begin to design a life that feels meaningful and true to who you are — not just who you’ve been told to be.

As author Glennon Doyle writes in Untamed, “The truest, most beautiful life never promises to be an easy one. We must build it ourselves. We must imagine it. We must dream it up. Then we must have the courage to live it.” And that’s exactly what this moment is calling you to do. To imagine. To dream. Not to settle, not to conform, but to wake up and start creating a life that feels like yours from the inside out.

Let Go of the “Supposed To”

All of us have internalized messages about how we’re supposed to live, love, and work. We receive messages handed down by culture, family, education, and social media, and these don’t always leave space for our true needs. You don’t have to do what your parents did, or what your peers are doing, or what social media influencers are curating. You weren’t meant to live a cookie-cutter life. You were meant to live your truest life. And there is no one “right” way to build a life.

What genuinely matters to you? What rhythms feel right for your body and mind? What does fulfillment look like? It might look like moving to a new city. Or staying in your hometown and creating something radically new there. It could mean starting a business, quitting a job, going back to school, ending a relationship, or starting one that defies all expectations.

Whatever it is, the starting point is not out there. It’s in here — inside you.

Build from the Inside Out

True change begins with self-awareness. Begin by listening to that voice inside. That small, quiet inner knowing is often the most trustworthy guide we have. Allow space for your own imagination and creativity — not just to fix what feels wrong, but to envision what could feel right. Tune in to your inner knowing and let yourself ask:

• What lights me up?

• What makes me feel alive, present, joyful?

• What do I need more of?

• What do I need to let go of?

• Where does my curiosity pull me?

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to ask. You just need to give yourself permission to get curious and dream. What if you paused long enough to wonder, “What would the most beautiful, truest life look like for me?” Imagine it. Let your creativity take the lead. Don’t edit. Don’t shrink it down. Expand.

From Dreaming to Doing

Once you’ve caught a glimpse of that vision — hold onto it. It doesn’t have to be a five-year plan. It doesn’t have to be a perfect map. But it does have to be yours.

Start small. Take one brave step. Say yes to the thing that feels exciting. Say no to what feels like “Not this.” Maybe it’s a new boundary, a new conversation, or a new habit. It may also involve larger shifts over time — career transitions, relational changes, or rediscovering passions that have been on hold. Whatever your pace, remember that growth doesn’t require perfection.

The quarterlife crisis isn’t a detour; it’s an invitation. It’s your life asking you to wake up and start living with intention. As Glennon Doyle reminds us:

“We can do hard things. We can imagine something better — and then build it.”

And the life that’s waiting for you? The truest, most beautiful one? You have the power to create it. So go on. Throw out the rules. Dream with your eyes wide open. Then, build the life that only you can build.

One thing is certain–uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life. From global crises to personal dilemmas, uncertainty can lead to anxiety, stress, and even mental health challenges. We love predictability–it facilitates decision making and puts much less stress on our brain, which is wired for predictability. We struggle when faced with ambiguity and the unknown. Studies conducted by neuroscientists have shed light on why uncertainty can be so mentally exhausting, and they have provided insight into coping strategies that can help mitigate the impact of uncertainty.

The Neuroscience of Uncertainty

Our brains are designed to seek stability and security in an unstable and insecure world. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for decision-making and reasoning, and it tries to predict future events based on past experiences. As long as our present experience falls within reasonable norms consistent with past experiences or knowledge, our prefrontal cortex smooths out the bumps and keeps us stable. However, when our present experience deviates significantly from what is expected, the mechanism of the prefrontal cortex is disrupted, pushing our brains into a state of hypervigilance and increased cognitive load and stress. When that happens, alarms go off, and our amygdala gets kicked into overdrive. The amygdala is the region of the brain associated with processing fear and the fight or flight response. Interestingly, an expected negative outcome, even if scary and threatening to our wellbeing, activates the amygdala less than if faced with uncertainty. This suggests that our brains are more distressed with the unknown than with a guaranteed bad outcome.

Our bodies are very tuned in to stress and react very quickly to it. When you face stressors like uncertainty, your body makes automatic short-term physical and mental responses to adjust. The stress response can be positive, keeping us alert, motivated and able to avoid danger. But chronic, long-term stress can damage our bodies.

In response to stress, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis triggers the release of “stress hormones” like cortisol and adrenaline. Cortisol increases blood sugar and our brain’s ability to quickly use it, while adrenaline increases heart rate, breathing, alertness and reduces sensitivity to pain. That’s all very well if you are attacked by a bear. However, when our stress hormones are elevated for a prolonged period, we can start to experience mental and physical health problems.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and motivation, also plays a role in processing uncertainty. Studies indicate that unpredictable rewards increase dopamine activity, making uncertainty both stressful and, at times, even enticing. This dual nature of uncertainty explains behaviors like risk-taking in gambling or the excitement of novelty, but when it comes to prolonged uncertainty, such as political upheaval, job uncertainty, or financial instability, any benefit is far outweighed by the negative impact on our bodies.

The Psychological Impact of Chronic Uncertainty

When uncertainty becomes chronic, it can damage our mental health. Psychological effects include:

Hypervigilance – Prolonged uncertainty keeps the brain in a constant state of alertness, leading to excessive anxiety and difficulty concentrating.

Decision Paralysis – The inability to predict outcomes can lead to analysis paralysis, making even simple choices feel daunting.

Depression – Chronic stress from uncertainty can deplete neurotransmitters like serotonin, increasing the risk of depressive symptoms.

Physical Symptoms – Stress-related health issues, such as headaches, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances, are commonly linked to prolonged exposure to uncertainty.

Cognitive Exhaustion – The brain’s need to constantly assess potential threats in unpredictable situations can cause mental fatigue and reduced problem-solving skills.

Coping Strategies to Manage Uncertainty

As a result of recent economic and political turmoil, many people are facing very real uncertainty regarding matters of great significance. We can protect ourselves by understanding how the brain responds and using that knowledge to develop strategies to mitigate the negative effects. Try these techniques, backed by neuroscience, to protect yourself and get through this period of uncertainty:

Practice Mindfulness and Acceptance

Mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce amygdala activity and increase resilience to stress. Accepting uncertainty rather than fighting it can help reframe the experience as manageable rather than threatening.

Build Predictability in Small Ways

While we cannot control everything, establishing routines and small daily rituals provides a sense of stability, which can counteract the chaos of uncertainty.

Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise releases endorphins, reduces cortisol levels, and promotes neural plasticity, helping the brain adapt to stress more effectively.

Reframe Thoughts Through Psychotherapy

Therapy can help reframe catastrophic thinking patterns associated with uncertainty. Challenging irrational thoughts and focusing on realistic outcomes can reduce anxiety levels.

Strengthen Social Support

Oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” is released through social connections, reducing stress and promoting feelings of safety. Talking to friends, family, or therapists can help buffer the effects of uncertainty.

Limit Information Overload

Excessive exposure to news or social media can amplify feelings of uncertainty. Setting boundaries on information consumption can prevent cognitive overload and emotional exhaustion.

Focus on What You Can Control

Shifting focus from what is unknown to those things you can control will help you develop actionable steps, which will provide you a sense of empowerment and help you move down the road to a successful outcome.

Conclusion

The impact of uncertainty on mental health can be profound. Neuroscience reveals that our brains are hardwired to seek predictability, and prolonged uncertainty can lead to stress, anxiety, and cognitive exhaustion. However, by understanding how our brain reacts and implementing strategies to manage uncertainty, we can build resilience and maintain mental well-being. Embracing uncertainty with awareness and adaptive coping mechanisms allows us to navigate life’s unpredictability with greater confidence and emotional balance.

Introduction

As we step into a new year, it’s essential for young adults to consider their mental well-being (perhaps as part of their new year’s resolutions). Balancing the demands of life can be overwhelming, and prioritizing mental health can lead to a more fulfilling and resilient year. Here are three valuable tips for young adults to foster mental health in the coming months.

1. Establish Healthy Daily Routines.

Creating and sticking to a consistent daily routine can significantly impact mental health. Set aside time for self-care activities, such as exercise, adequate sleep, and nutritious meals. Consistency in these habits can provide a sense of stability and contribute to improved mood and overall well-being. Small, manageable improvements in routine can pave the way for lasting mental health benefits.

2. Connect and Communicate.

In the digital age, social connections are crucial for mental well-being. However, it’s not just about the quantity of connections but the quality. Nurture meaningful relationships with friends and family. Make an effort to communicate openly about your thoughts and feelings. Whether through face-to-face conversations or virtually, expressing yourself and actively listening to others can foster a supportive network that acts as a buffer against life’s challenges.

3. Embrace Mindfulness Practices.

Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, without judgment. Incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help reduce stress and anxiety. Mindfulness encourages self-awareness and can be a powerful tool in managing negative thoughts. Consider exploring mindfulness apps or attending classes (or a retreat!) to kickstart your journey into this transformative practice.

Conclusion

As we embark on a new year, it’s crucial for young adults to recognize the importance of mental health. By establishing healthy daily routines, nurturing meaningful connections, and embracing mindfulness practices, individuals can build a strong foundation for mental well-being. Remember, prioritizing mental health is not a one-time resolution but an ongoing commitment to yourself and your future.

In both my practice as a therapist and in my relationships with friends and family, I’ve noticed that women are increasingly sharing their feelings of anger. Perhaps we sense that we’re giving more than we’re getting in our partnerships, or maybe we’re paid less than our male counterparts at work, or we disagree with decisions made by those in positions of authority. Regardless of the cause of our rage, anger signals to us that something feels unfair, such as an imbalance in a relationship, a crossing of our boundaries, or an injustice built into our laws. Conventional wisdom holds that men tend to be angrier than women, but in fact studies have shown that women experience as much anger as men.  The difference is in how we express it.

Women are taught to fear and deny their anger from birth. Gender norms, conveyed through both overt and subtle messages from our families, schools, and society, dictate that women and girls are expected to be loving caretakers and peacemakers. “Good girls” are kind, self-sacrificing, and agreeable, and they assume responsibility for others’ feelings. Women are aware that when we express our anger outwardly, we are often dismissed as “irrational,” “hysterical,” or “bitter.” On the other hand, an angry man is typically considered strong, honorable, righteous, and passionate. Anger is closely aligned with cultural notions of masculinity, and when women express rage, we fear our femininity itself could be called into question.

So many women turn inward. We often repress our anger, pushing it down and avoiding it, and this can result in anxiety, depression, resentment, people-pleasing, and passive-aggressive behaviors. And if we do express rage in the moment, afterwards we may struggle with guilt, shame, and even negative consequences in our relationships. When we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge and then effectively channel our anger, our relationships, mental health, and sense of self all suffer.

All of our feelings hold important clues about our values, and anger is no exception. When we take a closer look at our anger, we may discover other, accompanying feelings. In Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, Soraya Chemaly outlines steps for cultivating what she calls “anger competence,” or developing a relationship with your anger wherein you own it, learn from it, and enact positive changes. One such step is developing self-awareness by talking about your anger with trusted others, or by writing about it. Upon deeper reflection, a person experiencing anger may discover they’re frustrated, fearful, hurt, or insecure. Identifying these other feelings can help clarify our values and guide our decisions about actions to take in response.

In order to fully cultivate self-awareness, we must identify the ways we “unwittingly perpetuate the old patterns from which our anger springs,” writes Harriet Lerner, PhD in The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. “The important issue is whether, over time, you can use your anger as an incentive to achieve greater self-clarity and discover new ways to navigate old relationships.”

So, get curious about your anger and consider what it’s trying to tell you — it presents an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves and make more informed decisions.

Over the last few years of this pandemic, we all had a lot of alone time  – time for isolation, for contemplation, for introspection. The slow-down allowed for folks to be alone with their thoughts without as many distractions. For some, there was also the added benefit of not being around societal pressures. This opened space for self-exploration to include authenticity to oneself and their experience without those social barriers. It is no surprise to me that in my clinical work I found that more people finally had space to consider and question their gender.

Now, I want to name a few important things before delving deeper:

Questioning your gender is not a shameful or bad thing.

Gender has a long history of including more than cisgender/binary narratives.

Questioning your gender does not automatically mean that you are not cisgender, rather it means you are intentionally exploring your authentic self.

Understanding your identities (professional, sexual, etc) is a lifelong process, and your gender identity is no different. It is okay to take as much time as you need in your exploration.

You can be gender-queer, non-binary, trans*, agender, or any other identity and want to physically transition – OR not want to. There is no requirement to take medical steps and be valid in your identity.

Some people really love labels, as it allows for connection to others and a place to feel grounded. Others might feel limited by labels and will never use them. All people are valid whether they use a certain label, change their label, or do not use any labels at all.

Okay, back to it – you’re questioning your gender, but how do you explore it?

This is a great question! Gender is expressed through how you walk, style your hair, dress, speak, and so much more. This truly depends on what you are hoping to shift in your life to allow for more integration between your identity and your body. Here are a few examples:

If you find that your pronouns do not fit you, you can experiment with trying other pronouns. This can begin by testing them out with those you trust.

If you realize that you do not see a genuine “you” in the mirror with your current wardrobe, you can begin to explore clothing that might feel more affirming.

If you recognize that there are parts of your body that you wish looked different, you can consider different affirming gear – such as chest binders, breast forms, packers, etc.

Beyond expression, you can also explore through connecting with gender expansive content. There are many resources that are accessible from books, e-books, creators, apps, and podcasts. Some gender-focused organizations also have amazing resources.

Having a therapist who is competent in trans* care is also critical. In therapy you can have more room to explore with someone who knows what it means to be affirming, understands how to hold space for dysphoria and euphoria, who can sit in the uncertainty with you, and – most importantly – will be able to name and challenge possible oppressive narratives that are often placed on those who are not cis-gender.

One last thing! There are many narratives that exist around the trans* experience, and I’ve noticed many people begin their exploration by looking at possible dysphoria (which is a feeling of discomfort that stems from a disconnect between one’s gender identity and their body). While it is important to recognize distress and discomfort in your experience, it is also important to take time to explore when you experience gender euphoria or times when you recognize that your gender is being affirmed. This euphoria allows for a deeper recognition in what your authentic and genuine self may be.

Mother’s Day is a special day to celebrate motherhood. Simple, right? Not exactly. For many people, this day can get a bit complicated, depending on many factors, like your relationship with your mother, and your feelings about being a mom yourself.  This is true especially for moms who have recently given birth and are experiencing post-partum depression and/or anxiety on Mother’s Day.  As the friend or relative of a new mom who is struggling in the post-partum stages, you may be unsure how to support and celebrate this special mom on Mother’s Day. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

DON’T buy anything for the home or for the kids and family.

DO buy her a gift that she can use ONLY for herself, like a spa treatment, massage, comfy PJs or other clothing she’d enjoy.

______

DON’T plan an event or activity that will require energy and motivation on her part. For someone who is depressed and sleep deprived with a newborn, exerting energy on extra things can be challenging.

DO encourage self-care.  Order a meal in, rent a movie, hire someone to do the laundry, or set up childcare for her.

______

DON’T assume she wants to spend the day with her family and children.  These assumptions can lead mothers to feel judged.

DO offer her a break from her mom-duties. Offer to watch the kids while she naps or takes a bubble bath.  Give her the gift of time to relax and rejuvenate.

______

DON’T expect her to have “fun,” as that might put pressure on her and make her feel bad for not rising to the occasion.

DO think of Mother’s Day as an opportunity to remind her just how special and loved she truly is!

Many women experience post-partum depression and/or post-partum anxiety after the birth of their baby.  Symptoms include anxiety and panic attacks, feeling worthless, fear of not being a good mother, fear of being left alone with the baby, excessive irritability, mood swings, sadness, crying uncontrollably for long periods of time, disinterest in the baby and in things that you used to enjoy.  If you are experiencing this, then “celebrating” Mother’s Day may seem nearly impossible.  Here are 4 reminders to help you can get through Mother’s Day this year.

1. You are not alone.

At least 1 in 7 women experience post-partum depression and anxiety and it is NOT your fault.  Remember that not too long ago you went through the stress of pregnancy and giving birth to a human being.  You are still recovering, physically, mentally, and hormonally.  And sleep-deprivation is no joke—it wreaks havoc on mood, motivation, and energy.

2. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

Adjusting to life with a new baby can be very stressful on many fronts.  Be sure to prioritize your self-care, in order to manage the stress.  Give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack, and ask for help.

3. Be honest about how you want to spend Mother’s Day.

Let your loved ones know how you want to be supported on this day. Give your family some guidance on your do’s and don’ts. There are no “shoulds” or “right” ways to celebrate. Perhaps the conventional celebration of a meal with your family isn’t what you want or need at all.  Maybe you’d prefer to spend the day on your own, getting a massage, hiring someone to do the laundry and clean the house, taking a nap, or watching a movie. Whatever your preference is, it’s ok! Don’t judge yourself.  This is YOUR day; so spend it however you would like, in a way that is healing and relaxing.  Go for it.

4. There is hope, and you CAN feel better, with time and support.

When you’re in the midst of it, post-partum depression and anxiety, is all-consuming and miserable, but it won’t last forever.  If you haven’t already, you may want to consider joining a group where you can meet and get support from other women with newborns.  Additionally, seeking treatment in the form of therapy and/or medication can be beneficial.

If you’re a recent grad seeking a job, there are a few ways you can prepare for this transition. It’s not easy being a young adult, but just a few tips and tricks in your toolkit can make you feel even more confident as you walk this path. Here’s what you should focus on in the coming months, if not everything is set in stone (and trust us — no one has it all figured out!).

1. Create a strong resume

Every time you walk into a career center, enter a job fair, or take a coffee meeting with someone, they’ll likely ask you about your resume. Your resume is the most important document you can have during your job search. It’s a clear, concise, formal document that provides an overview of your professional qualifications.

Unfortunately, most job seekers falter when it comes to creating their resumes. Employers only look at resumes for roughly 6 to 7 seconds. Yes! You read that correctly. If you don’t write your resume correctly, then you’re less likely to receive positive feedback. Here are some quick pointers that can make all the difference.

Keep your resume short and direct

Use a professional resume template, but don’t copy it exactly (you don’t want to look like everyone else!)

Highlight your most relevant skills and experiences for the job you’re applying

Demonstrate results with numbers and metrics to make your actions tangible (i.e., How did you personally achieve results?)

2. Network to your advantage

You may think you’ll find your perfect position by browsing job postings, but this just isn’t the case. Some estimates suggest that up to 70 percent of all jobs aren’t published on publicly available job search websites. So, where are you going to find your dream position?

Networking. Research has shown that anywhere from half to upwards of 80 percent of jobs are filled through someone the candidate knows. If you’re able to leverage this skill set, you’re putting yourself ahead of your peers.

Most universities don’t teach a class on networking, however, which means graduates feel woefully unprepared for how to navigate this element of the search. Consider using these guidelines:

Schedule face-to-face time with contacts over lunch or coffee

Prepare questions and discussions beforehand to fight anxiety

Remember it takes time to cultivate worthwhile relationships

Try not to exclusively sell yourself — set your sights on building a relationship instead

Use social networks and other online relationships to search for new connections (Maybe those connections come from neighbors or family friends!)

Follow up with contacts and thank them for their time

3. Clean up your online presence

You’ve likely been told for the last 10 years that hiring managers will be looking at your social media…so keep it clean! But now that you’re searching for a job, what does this mean?

According to research, 45 percent of hiring managers use social media to learn more about potential candidates. In fact, they use it just like a resume or cover letter. If you’re not sure exactly what exists on your profiles, now is the time to spruce it up. Here are the steps we recommend taking.

Google yourself It takes less than 3 seconds to Google yourself and find your “digital dirt.” Once you know what’s out there, you can begin the cleanup process.

Remove incriminating photos Remove distasteful, inappropriate, or offensive pictures from your profile. These don’t align with your personal brand, and your potential employer shouldn’t see them. (For example, you probably don’t need a photo of you at your college frat!)

Change your privacy settings Keep your private life private. A simple change in your privacy settings can help eliminate the possibility of not getting hired.

Final Thoughts

Oftentimes, your mindset is just as important as all the above listed items. Check out our blog on Postgraduation Mindset. Do you want to talk about your career options? Or get help with your resume? Get more direction with Career Coaching from the Quarterlife Center. We offer 15-minute complimentary career sessions — see if it’s a good fit for you!

Life transitions that occur in your twenties and thirties can be exciting for couples, but they are also stressful. Building a life together is a wonderful thing, but it also can create significant tension and anxiety. As couples consider taking their relationships to the next level, whether it’s moving in together, planning for marriage or having a baby, they often experience increased conflict and miscommunication, decreased sexual intimacy, and even doubts about their compatibility.

At QLC, we understand how these transitions affect couples, and we are here to help you work together as a couple to navigate these challenging times.

These are some of the areas our couples counselors can help you with:

Communication skills

Empathy and understanding

Effective conflict resolution

Anger and Resentment

Decision-making as a couple

Emotional Connection

Sexual Intimacy

Infidelity

Trust

Conflict about Finances

Are you a parent, grandparent, friend, or loved one of an adult quarterlifer? Quarterlifers are individuals who are in their twenties or thirties. They’re the millennials or Gen Zers in your life who you may notice are struggling right now. Whether they’re back home living with you, suffering from unemployment, generally lacking motivation, sleeping a lot, socially isolating themselves, or just not opening up to you about it, then you may wonder…

What can I do to help?

If you think someone you know is having a quarterlife crisis, you can help. Here’s what we suggest.

What should I do if I think my loved one is having a quarterlife crisis?

If you know a quarterlifer who is struggling, you’re not alone. We often hear from family members or other loved ones who believe that their child or friend is suffering. This is what you can do.

1. Recognize the symptoms

Symptoms of a quarterlife crisis include:

Lack of motivation

Irritability

Tearfulness

Anxiety about the future

Difficulty making decisions

Changes in appetite or sleep habits

Substance abuse

If you begin to notice these symptoms (or have noticed them over the past several months), then you may wonder about the next steps. How can you help your loved one and express the concern that you’re feeling?

2. Avoid confrontation

You may be feeling a mix of concern, frustration, or confusion. And especially if your child isn’t talking to you, then you have no idea what’s going through their head either. This combination of emotions often prompts people to lead with something like, “So, how’s the job/apartment search going?” or “What’s your plan for your life? You don’t seem to be making any progress, but you sure watch a lot of TV.” Inevitably, this doesn’t help the conversation progress very far. It just puts everyone on the defensive.

Try using a supportive approach where you express how you’re feeling. “I’m worried about you because you don’t seem like yourself lately. What’s been on your mind?” Remember, while you’re not asking about a job or apartment, you’ll likely get to the root of the issue much faster, and you’ll be able to offer them the assistance they need to get to those end goals.

3. Listen intently

Regardless of how the conversation goes, the best thing you can do as a supportive person in their life is listen. Hear where they are, refrain from overly positive statements that may minimize their experiences, and remind them that they don’t have to go through this alone. If it seems appropriate, suggest that they speak to a counselor. A counselor is often a great resource because they’re an external party who can offer nonjudgmental support. They’re not a parent, family member, or close friend who may be difficult to talk things through with.

4. Be sure to follow-up

Within a few weeks of that initial conversation, make sure you follow up with your quarterlifer. This is a step that many people miss because they’re afraid of seeming pushy, but it’s critical because it allows you to keep communication open. You can ask something general, like “I wanted to follow up with you from our chat a couple of weeks ago and see how you’re feeling. I just want you to know I’m here for you if you want to talk.” This gives them the opportunity to open up more or communicate anything that may have been forgotten. It also reassures them that they don’t need to struggle alone.

Final thoughts

The steps in this blog may seem simple in theory, but it can be hard to watch someone you love struggle. Have more questions about navigating this stage of life? Don’t hesitate to reach out to the Quarterlife Center for more information.

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Have you been considering grief counseling? While the symptoms of grief are part of a normal recovery process, it can be difficult to go through the process of mourning over days, weeks, months, or years. Grieving the loss of a loved one is particularly hard on quarterlife young adults for several reasons. In this post, we’ll discuss the symptoms that accompany grief and the stages, and associated tasks, of the grieving process.

What are the symptoms of grief?

These are some common symptoms of grief. Following a loss, you will need time to heal.

Guilt

Fear

Irritability

Headaches

Changes in appetite or sleep

Fatigue

Sadness

Numbness

Denial

Anger

Stage 1: Accepting the reality of the loss

The first stage of mourning involves both an intellectual and emotional acceptance of the loss. Grappling with the thought that our loved one has died is hard to handle, and you may find yourself reaching for your phone to text them or expecting to see them in the next room. It takes time for reality to set in. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

Stage 2: Experiencing the pain of grief

An important part of the grieving process is to let yourself experience the emotions that come with grief. These are often felt as guilt, anger, isolation, and sadness. While these are part of a normal grieving process, it can be difficult to deal with them alone. If you’re struggling to handle your grief, don’t be afraid to reach out to a counselor. They can provide you with strategies to address your grief. You can find additional resources about grief here.

Stage 3: Adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing

This stage involves various types of adjustment that will take place as your life continues without the deceased.

External adjustments: How the death affects your daily functioning

Internal adjustments: How the death affects your sense of self

Spiritual adjustments: How the death affects your beliefs, values, and assumptions about the world

Stage 4: Feeling emotionally connected to the deceased and moving on with life

In this final stage, you memorialize the deceased in your psychological life in a way that leaves room for others and your relationships with them. It is possible to create an emotional space for your deceased love one while maintaining a place for new relationships and moving forward. Take time to memorialize your loved one and create traditions to honor them.

Final thoughts

Are you seeking help for a recent loss? Grief counseling can help provide relief and help you feel less alone. At QLC, we provide both 1:1 and group counseling services with our therapists. Visit here for more information.

Citations

Worden, J.W., Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition, Spring Publishing Co., NY, 2008.

Are you thinking about starting therapy? Not sure how to choose the right therapist? You may have questions about what it’s all about. People often want to know what therapy is really like and what to expect.

In this post, we share 12 common questions that we receive at QLC. The following information will simplify the process of finding the right therapist for you. If you have additional questions, please contact us at QLC.

1. Why go to therapy when I can just get advice from friends and family?

Leaning on friends and family certainly can be helpful. That said, therapists are professionally trained to help you explore and discuss your difficulties and develop solutions to your particular problems. They have expertise in helping you express and evaluate your feelings, focusing entirely on you without bringing their own needs into the mix.

Psychotherapy is a treatment process that is often very useful in helping people cope with their problems. Meeting with a therapist provides you an opportunity to receive feedback from a licensed professional who is skilled at listening and providing guidance.

2. How do I choose the right therapist?

Here is what you need to know when selecting a therapist:

It’s important to feel that there is a good fit between your personality and your therapist’s personality. There are many skilled therapists out there, which means there is not only one therapist who is “right” for you. Like all people, therapists have different personalities, styles, office setting, and approaches. Find one you are comfortable with, one you can trust, and one who helps you grow. We generally recommend meeting with a therapist for 2-3 sessions before deciding to continue or discontinue sessions with that therapist.

3. What should I talk about in counseling?

You should feel free to talk about anything that you’d like to share with your therapist. Not sure what to talk about in counseling? Here are a few ideas to get started.

4. How long are counseling sessions?

This depends on the therapist, but typically sessions range between 45-60 minutes. At QLC, individual sessions are 45 minutes and couples sessions are 50 minutes.

5. How often will I meet with my therapist?

While the success of psychotherapy depends on various factors, one of the most important is continuity of sessions. To be most useful at the beginning, sessions with your therapist usually take place at least on a weekly basis. With time, sessions may take place every couple of weeks, depending on your needs and your therapist’s approach.

6. Will my therapist ask me a lot of questions in therapy?

This depends on the style and training of your therapist. Some therapists will conduct an “intake,” also known as a biopsychosocial assessment, in the first session. During the intake process, you will be asked questions about topics like family background, mental health history, physical health, education, career, and substance use history. Other therapists will wait for you to begin talking or they’ll begin the session with a simple question like, “So what brings you in today?” There isn’t a right or wrong approach. You want to find a therapist whose style fits with your personality.

7. What if I don’t want to talk about certain topics?

That’s not a problem! If your therapist asks you a question that you don’t want to answer, just tell them that you’re not ready to discuss it. Perhaps, you can circle back to that topic down the road when you’re ready.

8. What if I feel like my therapist is judging me?

Therapists have a great deal of training on developing a nonjudgmental stance. Your therapist should provide a safe, accepting space in which you feel free to explore all types of thoughts and feelings.

Throughout their training, coursework, clinical supervision, and their own therapy, psychotherapists become experienced at keeping their opinions and feelings in check as they work with clients. They are trained to thoughtfully and carefully listen with an open mind.

Of course, therapists are human beings with their own opinions and beliefs. Keep in mind that some therapists provide religion-based therapy, and usually they state that on their website. For example, they might identify as a “Christian counselor.”

The Quarterlife Center is not affiliated with any religion and is open to working with all lifestyles.

9. What should I do if my therapist upsets me?

If your therapist upsets you, you should bring it to their attention. Even if you wait until a later session to bring it up, it’s better than ignoring it. If you feel that you’re being judged or criticized, let your therapist know. For example, you could say something like, “In our session last week, I felt like you were judging me when I told you that I smoke marijuana. Can we talk about that?”

A well-trained therapist will be able to respond empathically to you and will be open to exploring your feelings about the interactions between the two of you. A well-trained therapist will also be able to own their part in the interaction. Often, an open and honest conversation about your interaction can enhance your work together long-term.

10. What education and licensing do your therapists have?

All QLC therapists are licensed mental health professionals with at least one graduate degree in social work or psychology. They also have post-graduate training in various topics, including trauma, grief and loss, post-partum counseling, psychodynamic counseling, and mind-body integrative medicine.

11. What are your strengths as a therapist?

One of the biggest strengths of QLC therapists is that they are experienced at working with quarterlifers and they really enjoy working with quarterlifers. They have a great deal of clinical experience working with issues common to the quarterlife phase of life and emerging adulthood.

12. Some therapists are more comfortable addressing the immediate problem, while others want to focus on the deeper issue. Which are you?

At QLC, we tailor the counseling experience to fit the needs of the client. Our therapists will help you address the immediate problem, while also addressing the deeper underlying issues that contribute to the immediate problem. Therapy at QLC integrates various techniques to help clients resolve their problems so that the problems do not continue to resurface over time.

What if I have additional questions about counseling?

You can reach our team at the Quarterlife Center for additional information.

Are you thinking about taking your relationship to the next level? Have you started talking to each other about marriage? Are you already engaged and planning your wedding?

As you prepare for your future together, our QLC counselors are here to support and guide you toward a successful, satisfying marriage.

Our premarital counseling typically is 3-6 sessions, depending on the needs of the couple. While there are common topics that we address in premarital counseling, the sessions will be tailored to your specific needs and goals.

These are some of the areas that we’ll help you explore in premarital counseling:

Emotional intimacy and connection

Communication

Love languages

Conflict resolution

Sexuality

Finances

Building Trust

Childrearing

Religion/Spirituality

Relationships with In-laws

Relationships with Friends

Career and work-life Balance

Grief has many causes and many faces. Losing a loved one, and then feeling alone in your grief can feel devastating. Grieving is never easy, but the grieving process for young adults (quarterlifers) is particularly rough. With a few exceptions, a young adult doesn’t expect to face the death of a loved one. Because grieving a death is non-normative during this phase of life, a grieving quarterlifer is apt to feel like peers don’t understand. Additionally, it can be challenging to find resources and help for grieving young adults. As a 25 year-old grieving client expressed, “my friends don’t know how to handle my sadness. I feel so alone . . . like everyone is tiptoeing around me.”

The following poem captures this feeling and illuminates the most important way in which you can help a young adult who is grieving:

“Elephant in the Room” by Terry Kettering

“There’s an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with, “How are you?” and “I’m fine,” and a thousand other

forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work.

We talk about everything else, except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.

We all know it’s there. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds. For, you see, it is a very large elephant.

It has hurt us all.

But we don’t talk about the elephant.

Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

For if I cannot, then you are leaving me . . .

Alone . . .

in a room . . .

with an elephant.”

As a result of feeling alone, your grieving friend may start to distance herself. Likewise out of fear of upsetting your grieving friend or saying the wrong thing, you may begin to distance yourself. Although it is a natural reaction, it is the opposite of what your friend needs.

So how can you help your grieving friend?

Help her know that you see the elephant in the room and that you know that she hurts. Provide opportunities for your friend to talk about her grief, but don’t force the conversation.

Remember that starting this kind of conversation requires courage. It may lead you to face your own fears and beliefs about death, and to feel emotional. You have chosen to open up communication because you care about your friend.

In summary, to help a grieving friend:

1. Be present. 2. Have courage to address it. 3. See the elephant. 4. Be available to listen when she is ready to talk.

Helpful Tips:

1. Address your friend’s loss directly, saying something like, “I’m sorry that your mother died. I’m here for you, and I really want to hear about how you’re feeling, if you are up for talking about it.” 2. Understand that this is not a problem for you to “fix,” and that it is not helpful to try and make your friend “feel better.” 3. Prompt your friend to share memories of the deceased, her feelings of loss, her fears about death and mortality. Be prepared to share your own thoughts if asked—back-and-forth exchanges can be therapeutic. 4. Even if she does not want to talk about it when you initially offer, check back in with her again down the road.

If you’re a parent of a quarterlifer, you may be looking at your son or daughter in distress. These 20- or 30-something Millennials and Gen Z-ers are at a pivotal point in their lives, and along with everything else going on, the last couple of years haven’t been easy on them. Yet, as much as you want to help, sometimes your actions may be making the situation worse (doesn’t every parent love to hear that!). In this blog, we’ll discuss the top 3 mistakes that parents of quarterlifers make and how you can redirect your energy and actions to actually improve their situation.

1. You offer too much help

We all know these types of parents — and you might be one of them. Those that are overbearing and micromanaging. Of course, they mean well and want to help their child. It’s difficult to see your child struggling, and as a parent, you want to do anything you can to help them.

However, now that your children are emerging adults, they’re developing independence and autonomy. This is the time to let them take the reins and help them find the resources to do things on their own. Let your kids fall down, skin their knees, and figure it out themselves. It may not be easy for them (or you!), but it’ll be better for everyone in the long run.

2. You don’t let them help themselves

No one wants to be an enabler, but this is often what parents of quarterlifers are. They do things for their children that they should really be doing for themselves. If your quarterlife child is living with you or you’re financially supporting them, make sure you set boundaries and talk about expectations. You can be helpful to your child and support them without doing everything.

For example, if they are living with you, discuss how they should help around the house and demonstrate responsibility for taking care of the home. What chores should be completed on a weekly basis? How will they work towards their goals while living with you? The best way to support them is by ensuring they are continuing to grow themselves!

3. You wait too long to open up communication

If you see your quarterlifer is struggling, then you may think it’s best to leave them be. Unfortunately, this is a common mistake that parents make. They take too long to open up communication and offer their support. Having a quarterlife crisis is very real, and it is often accompanied by depression and anxiety that must be treated with therapy, medication, or both. Reach out to them and let them know that you’re here, concerned, and ready to support them in a way that works for both of you.

Final thoughts

Do you have a quarterlife child that you’re trying to help? Early adulthood is a common time that low levels of anxiety and depression can become more acute. Your child isn’t alone!

Visit the Quarterlife Center for more resources. Contact us here.

If you’re new to therapy, you probably have some questions about how it works. One of the most common questions we get at QLC is “what should I talk about in therapy?” Here are 5 helpful ideas to get you started.

1. Talk about how you decided to begin therapy.

Did something happen recently that led you to seek counseling? What have you been struggling with? Have you been thinking about doing this for a long time? Did a friend or family member encourage you to begin therapy?)

2. Share your feelings about beginning therapy.

Are you excited, nervous, ambivalent, angry, distracted? How does your body feel? Are you thirsty, hungry, tense?

3. Share how you feel now that you’ve arrived to your counseling session.

Were you stressed out trying to find the office? Did you arrive on time? Where you rushed? Is the appointment how you thought it would be? Are you feeling more nervous or less nervous now that you’re there? Are you physically comfortable in the office? Do you feel nervous, relieved, curious?

4. Talk about your goals for therapy.

Tell your therapist what you’d like to work on. What changes do you want to make in your life? What problems do you want to resolve?

5. Talk about whatever comes to your mind.

Talk about anything that crosses your mind. Sigmund Freud called this “free association,” which is the process of sharing whatever pops into your head in the moment.

Nervous that you haven’t figured out what to do with your life? Worried that you’re getting left behind as your peers move on? Lacking motivation or direction? Trying to find your passion? Thinking about starting graduate school? Struggling in a relationship? Feeling pressure to get married and settle down? Relying on your family for financial support more than you’d like? Feeling overwhelmed by all of the options available to you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, meeting with a therapist can help you figure these things out. Our therapists are compassionate and dedicated to supporting you as you make some of the most important decisions of your life. They are skilled at listening and providing feedback about challenges you’re facing and ways to resolve them.

It’s common to feel nervous when beginning the therapy process. Our professional and caring counselors will work with you to help you feel comfortable opening up about yourself and your relationships. We tailor counseling sessions to your particular needs and goals, and we will meet with you in person or remotely, whichever you prefer!

Here’s how individual counseling can help:

Discover your core principles and purpose

Make tough choices

Work toward lasting and rewarding relationships

Set and achieve career goals

Explore family relationships

Decrease anxiety and panic attacks

Decrease Depression

Improve motivation and focus

Feel less lonely

Improve life satisfaction

Increase Confidence

Explore sexual issues

Address financial & budgeting stress