Bacon!!

If you try to rob a bank you won’t have any issues with rent/bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful

so everyone is aware, a lower score on this means a better score.

I got a 30!!!!!!!! Yes!

7, but i’m an art student so

2!!!!

I got 0!!

what if ducks threw bread back at you

you’d have to duck

this is one of those posts that makes you step back and re-examine your entire worldview

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

oh

bring out the rotating tiger

so youre telling me that some asshole can just throw together meaningless shit and get notes and attention yet when i put actual thought into the things i say nothing happens i am so fucking done with this bullshit god damn fuck

This is the money Charizard. Reblog and you will money tomorrow.

That first edition Base set Holo Charizard with shadowless border (meaning first print) is actually worth about $5k+ if in mint condition so hell fucking yeah I’ll reblog the Money Charizard.

Today I beat my personal record for most days lived

bungus

welcome to ‘no note bungus’. reblog and you will feel a sense of accomplishment and goodwill wash over you

As a Publishing Professional I can say that this is 10000% accurate, and I am a little concerned you’re just giving away all of our industry secrets on Tumblr.

I am a famousy awards-winning author of BOOKS and I endorse this post.