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p.s. I am also running for Tumblr Sexyman 2026 but that's a Whole Other Thing

femboy-shaped solution

Please tell me you guys see the vision

Look away followers 🖐. I don't want to hurt you.

Paws crossed chapter 1: Awkward Encounter

when spiders put their little pedipalps together

*Whimpers*

It's cruel and unfair. How my mind and body scream for things they make so difficult to obtain. Love, sex, violence... How they taunt in the periphery of my mind. Because I don't want them without one another. I couldn't love someone without violence. I couldn't let them see me naked without aching for the visceral vulnerability of submitting to their most repressed desires. It's sickening, how the need for these things sits heavy in the back of my throat like moist air and perfume and heady sweat. The desire to be pinned to a wall and torn apart for the eyes of one person alone. To be sent to the edge of the world and be accepted in all of my nakedness by one person. I couldn't find happiness without it. Not truly. Every day is an ache for a collar nobody puts on my neck. There's no forgiveness in my sleep, as comforting images of soft hands and warm beds are torn away from me come morning. There's nobody whose lips leave adoring marks along my skin. There's no beautiful person who would touch me in my waking life. Because nobody in my life can love me that way. Not anyone I've met. Because all my prosperous life means nothing if I have no respite from the hounds I endlessly keep at bay, hurriedly procuring the next slab of meat for greedy outside maws to take without so much as a grateful look my way. I am Tantalus, so close to his goal, but the edge never nearing. I am Sisyphus, trying with every part of my strength to surmount the impossible world. I am Arachne, bold and beautiful, outpacing a god in the desperation of my hubris, because unknowingly if my work is perfect, my punishment still comes. I would face every task of Hercules if it gave me the one balm I chase. I would burn worlds in the face of love. Devotion, pure as moonlight, so perfectly inscrutable that the eyes cannot see it, it is my most desired drug. It is the high that one can't synthesize or grow in labs. It is the immortal fifth dimension, surpassing time, space, gravity. All is nothing in the face of its wrath. I can reach out and feel it crackle at the edge of my fingertips so close yet far away that it burns me to know it's not mine. Because my greed is insufferable. It is single-minded and suffocating, only one gem worthy of the dragon's hoard, one delicious little morsel that I cannot seem to eat. It's Prometheus's fire, so desperately taken, I will sacrifice my everything to keep the burning for the cretins in my minds eye that the gods do not trust with sacred coals of flame. When will the cycle end? When does my aching body make its pounds of flesh in repentance? Are my cries of need not enough? Must I give my soul too? To lighten my load do I divest myself of human proof? Revert into an animal for a sole soul to see? Is that what it takes to relax? To be loved, must I give away all that I have?

Kitties

Girl who hasn't relaxed once in the last decade plays Wanderstop

I will grow stronger from this trial.

Once I finish this mandatory relaxation and recovery period I can get back to what really matters: calculable forward progress