waiting ( for you ) .

tess was looking for a blanket for allie when she saw darby. she knew that darby and keiran had been friends but she hadn’t realized how close they were. it broke tess’s heart to see her friend standing there like that knowing how much darby had already lost. she moved to hug her but heard her say stop and froze. it took darby saying i never said you could take them too for her to realize she wasn’t talking to her. she continued over to her, stopping next to her and wrapping her arms around her. 

she didn’t know what to say. all she knew was what not to say, anything along the lines of it’s going to be okay. she was very aware that those words never helped and definitely wouldn’t if it wasn’t true. they didn’t know if they were ever leaving this place. so instead she kept her arms around darby and whispered, “i’m here for you, always.”

darby winds her hands ‘round tess’s shoulders and pulls her friend even closer. her breathing becomes a little less shaky, but her body still trembles from the shock of it all. she blinks her eyes closed and keeps ‘em that way, resting her chin against the blonde’s shoulder.

“ a-always, ”  she echoes, not trusting herself to link together an entire phrase. this town’s so connected. it’s so connected and it’s hurtin’, and... it’s all ‘cause of her. guilt stings her eyes and churns against her ribs. can tess feel it, too ?

“ m’sorry, ”  she whispers, and holds tighter. like tess knows. like she knows. “ m’so... m’so s-sorry. ”

As soon as Darby stands up and hugs him, Blue feels it. A wave of numbness that hasn’t touched him yet tonight. He feels like he wants to cry. To sob like she is. To lose it all over again but he’d spent hours laying next to Kieran’s body and he didn’t have any tears left to cry. His whole body hurt and when Darby hugged him, he couldn’t hug her back. His one hand simply reached up and grabbed the back of her shirt in a tight fist. 

He felt her shake with the loss of her friend and cry at the idea that this town had taken everything from them. Family, friends, lovers, everything. Blue ducked his head down into her shoulder and for a long few minutes he didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. He just stood and felt nothing. Nothing but a deep, gaping, hole that darker than anything he’d ever faced before. 

Jesus christ. 

Rehab had nothing on this. 

This was hell.

Hell felt like nothing. 

“Darby.” Blue mumbled after about five minutes of just standing there. “Darby I need you to take me home and then to Hannah’s house. I need you to give me sleeping pills. A lot of them.” He told her in a string of emotionless words. “Did you drive here?”

darby clings to blue like if she lets go the floor will scoop him up and swallow him whole. all of them. no one’s safe now and it’s ‘cause of her. ‘cause of her selfish, selfish attempt to bring back her ma from the blaze, and her dad from his own self-damnation. she sniffles and swallows her sobs. it’s not fair. it’s not FAIR.

she doesn’t want them BACK any more.

blue speaks and she pulls back, tries to follow. but her ears are ringin’ and her mind’s stuffy from the hours spent without food, without water, just standin’ and watchin’ and tryin’ to understand.

keiran’s GONE.

“ wh–– ”  did she drive here ?  darby bites her lip and shakes her head. she balls clark’s sweatshirt sleeve up in her fist and unwinds from blue. she wipes away her tears and blinks up at him like he’s speaking another language.

“ i don’t, i–– ”  darby pauses and shakes her head again, more confident now. “ i d-don’t know how t’drive. ” 

blue asks for sleeping pills, and she can’t be any help with that neither. all she’s got is the last baggie of pills keiran slipped to her tonight before prom, stowed away in her purse. at clark’s.

“ clark d-drove us. ”  she blinks up at blue, unable to connect the dots. “ what’re you... what’re y’gonna do with sleeping pills ? ”

clark was passed out in his bed, arms around his girlfriend when all this shit went down. darby woke up first, pulled him out of bed with something said about keiran and cassandra and the hospital.

he didn’t really get it at the time.

now… even he was having trouble.

his mind was spinning feebly, wondering what they were doing together, wondering who hit them, wondering why. some of the answers came easy. some he knew he wouldn’t put together in a million years. who? anybody drinking. why? drinking.

he was sure it was an accident. of course, it was an accident. nobody would just run somebody down on purpose. and what for? they obviously had enemies, that was easy to see. but who would kill somebody just because they didn’t like them?

darby murmurs something next to him and he snaps out of his reverie. his arms slips around her shoulders and he hugs her close, nose in her hair. he knew anything he said right now would be stupid and unhelpful. so he said nothing.

just held her.

their little town doesn’t feel safe any more. emily died in the woods–– a snake bite. now, the snake’s here, it’s one of them, and... it’s her fault.

guilt wraps ‘round her ribs and crushes. if she hadn’t been so selfish, if she hadn’t been so childish, to think gettin’ her parents back wouldn’t come without consequence... she doesn’t even want them now, not any more, not if it means losing the people she’s come to call home. darby thinks back to the last conversations she had with keiran, the last texts they shared.

always missin’ me.

he had no idea.

darby shudders and it’s like clark has a sixth sense: he’s there, pressin’ close, and god above and satan below, this universe cannot take him too. darby’s arms uncross and she turns to bury herself against clark’s chest, breathe him in.

if you take him too, i’ll kill you, she thinks, like it can possibly make a difference. if you’re so mad i asked, just take me instead.

she balls clarks shirt in her hands and screws her eyes shut as more tears run hot down her cheeks. she’s not the only one sufferin’; she’s got to stay strong. for clark. for cassandra. for keiran.

“ d-don’t you go disappearin’ on me, too, ”  she barely whispers, and holds tighter. she presses her cheek against his chest and listens to the steady budum-budum of his heart. “ okay ? ”

Standing outside of Kieran’s room, Blue just stared at the ground. He couldn’t feel much of anything at the moment. His body numb, emotions completely spent. What was left to do? To say? Nothing to be done matter. Kieran was dead. He wasn’t coming back. This wasn’t a nightmare. It wasn’t horrible day dream. This was the cruel truth and it was pressing down on him. Pressing, pressing, crushing him. Pushing him into a paste that wasn’t human anymore. 

He didn’t realize he was walking until he was moving down the hallway. People he didn’t know, who didn’t care about him or Kieran saying sorry. Trying to talk to him about someone they didn’t know anything about. Someone they had pushed to the edge of society and Blue couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t talk to them. Look at them. Care what they had to say. They didn’t care. They didn’t even know him. 

Fuck, he couldn’t breath. 

Blue’s chest tightened and he took a few steps through the crowd and towards the front door. He felt like he was going to pass out and then Darby. She was sitting there, crying. Now she cared. She cared. She knew Kieran. Knew him better than any of these other people. His throat loosened and he breathed in once again. 

“Dard.” Blue mumbled her name as he stood in front of her. “Fuck.” Blue mumbled and looked at her as his eyes filled with tears once more. “What the fuck is going on Dardy?” He asked feeling more lost than he ever had.

this isn’t how it was supposed to go. she’d–– she’d prayed to the devil get her parents back but she never okayed this. darby’s fingers dig harder against her elbows and she bites her lip, like if she presses with enough force, maybe she can spin back the clock. stay behind ‘n clean up. ‘cause maybe then it would’ve been her instead of him.

they’d just seen one another two hours ago.

“ blue. ”

that’s all it takes. without a word, darby collapses forward and pulls him in, tight, tight, so tight to her chest. her slight shoulders shake. she buries her face in the crook of the taller boy’s neck and cries. her fingers twist the fabric of his shirt. they both shake with the force of her sobs.

in this hospital foyer, darby belle has never felt so small. she crosses her arms, nails digging into her elbows as she tries and tries and tries to understand.

there won’t be any slipknot. there won’t be any cuddles, or pretzel throws, or bike rides down quiet streets. there won’t be any more cheeky grins and hey, doll’s tossed her way. no more laughs so hard their ribs ache. for keiran, tomorrow isn’t coming no more.

darby sniffles. her nose is red and her cheeks are flushed from tears as she stands in the center of white linoleum tile, dressed in one of clark’s big sweatshirts and her own fluffy socks. after that call came through, she didn’t even bother stoppin’ for shoes.

she can’t bring herself to go into that room. see that bed. so as townsfolk filter in ‘n out ‘n all around, she’s just stood here, eyes stingin’, chest heavin’, starin’ at the floor.

first she lost elody mae. then emily. now her james dean.

“ stop, ”  she barely hisses, eyes screwin’ shut, willing her words up to the sky. into the floor. wherever the power’s that doin’ this calls home. she just wanted her parents back. 

“ i never said you could take them, too. ” 

the tears still slide free. her collar bones curve in ‘n air burns her throat. this is all her fault. he’s gone because of her.

keiran: so cute. ur a cutie.

keiran: we both got the good hair going on and shit

keiran: nah, she loves it when i got others riding with me. BUT she wants to see u on her by yourself, doll

keiran: SHOOT ME ALL U WANT

darby: well you're cutier so HA

darby: y'all really do! luscious locks

darby: ohp !! by myself? that's darn scary, i dunno.. i think she likes it better when she knows you're on there, so you won't get freaked and crash her!!

darby: PEW PEW PEW

darby: MY LOVE FOR YEW

clark: thgank youu gi love youuuj

clark: dotn' EAT ME !⁄⁄!!

clark: no waait i dont' eant touy to faltll

clark: darbt y get rdonw its not asafee

darby: i love yooooouuuuu infinity and threeee

darby: ur even more sweeterrr than a gr crml crnch on a mondayy morn

darby: shhhhhhh i alerday fell

darby: fr YOU

keiran: YES I DID IM MCLOVIN IT

keiran: wowza

keiran: i'm,,,,, keke palmer now ok. at least she's cute

keiran: the bike missed u too

keiran: if someone sneaks into ur house tonight dont shoot its me coming for slipknot and cuddles

darby: bUH DUH BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHH :D

darby: awwwww yes she is and so are you !!!

darby:

darby: only thing i'd shoot you with is my LUV n AFFECTION

clark: i'mn ot pretty hi'm handsoem!!!!1

clark: mwa mw :3:f, :f

clark: how d ou make theskissing temoji i frgoet

clark: i'manr t stairst where are youg ??

darby: ur pretty aNd HANDAOME !!

darby: ohmyGDOD i wanna gobble you up you goooon 😘😘😘

darby: waiht maybe i can see yu if i go on a table

darby: can u see me??? im wavin a lil space earth !!

keiran: you're too good to me, i swear. but DAMN MAMA TURN AROUND LEMME LOOK AT THAT BOOTY AGAIN

keiran: the true jeepers creepers

keiran: I MISS YOU TOO damn u happy?

keiran: tomorrow sounds good ! i can ride my bike over and we can get u in some practice before we go munchin

keiran: wait REALLY i might... might ditch blue in the middle of the night just to come watch that

darby: OOH I DID A LIL BOOTIE POPP JUST FOR YA DID YA SEE!

darby: ☺️☺️ very

darby: oooooooooo vroom vroom !! im sooo excited to see yoooou keekee palmer. but mostly that bike ;)

clark: baaabe wehre did gu go???l//

clark: afir alrnght for yout

clark: allnight i me ant

clark: BABABAABE

darby: why hellooooooooooooooo pretty boy :)))

darby: im with elle !!!! she says hiya

darby: but i say hi moreeee bc I LOVE YOuU

keiran: oh i'm a snack now ? well at least i got a meal right over by the dj shack

keiran: creep alert ! creep alert !

keiran: always missin me, sweets

keiran: *whispers* i miss you tooooo

darby: shhhhhh you're a five-course meal with two desserts cuz u are what ya eat and that's SWEETS, hun !!

darby: weeweooo weeewoooo sound the alarms, boy, i'm a real creeper!

darby: say it louder for the poor ears in the back?? 💕

darby: howdy hey there, mister snack by the snack tables

darby: i seeeeeee you

darby: lookin like a real sly rebel

clark has his big hands around darby’s tiny waist, their chests pressed up together as close as they can get for now. he can see how much she loves him in her eyes, in her smile. he can feel it in the hold her hands have on his suit, in their matching rhythm, and her kiss. it feels like they’ve been this way forever. nothing before her really matters, if he’s honest. everything seems clearer with darby around.

she kisses his nose and calls him beautiful and he feels a grin break onto his face unbidden, but not unwanted. “that’s a new one, fruit loop,” he said happily. slipping another little peck in between his thoughts, he added, “i like it. beautiful boy. you’re beautiful.”

elody mae’s always been the princess of the family –– growin’ up, the elder montpellier gal spared no glam nor glory. but tonight, darby’s feelin’ as royal as they come. here, safe in clark’s hold, she feels the most safe she’ll ever be. it makes her fond smile grow, thinkin’ about the silly after-school pickup game she crashed her first week here: the start of it all. clark beecher marked a new beginning, and darby belle launched headlong into leaving her old self behind. and mark her truest words, she’s never even thought to glance back.

“ only you’d manage to spin that one back on me, huh ? ”  she coos, nudging her nose against his. even now, even years down the line, he says those sweet words and her cheeks flush like they’re the first she’s ever heard. darby nabs a follow-up kiss, and it’s all she can do to not shower him in oodles more, right there on the dance floor. light hands trail up to trace gentle patterns along clark’s shoulders, his neck. painted a deep night blue, her fingers mingle at the base of his wild curls. “ my beautiful boy, ”  she repeats, just ‘cause she can. just so he can hear. “ i like you. ”

darby dips her head to rest in the crook of his neck and smiles. “ hey beecher, ” her words trace against his skin, murmured nice ‘n low. “ guess what. ”