no rest for the wicked.

entered prom with blue at his side

drank a bit

danced with darby

drank a little more

danced with hannah

drank some more

snacked at the snack table for a hot minute

texted darby and had some cute vibes

found blue and danced with him

told him he loved him

danced some more 

told blue he’d be home in a bit as everyone was leaving

keiran had gone a bit overboard with the drinking, even he could admit that, but he made a few attempts to sober up before it was all over. he knew he had a meeting with a certain blonde broad after the fact, and he didn’t necessarily want to show up blubbering drunk. so, downing a second bottle of water and nibbling on a cracker, keiran pulled out his phone, making sure the rattling pill bottle was still in his coat pocket.

new message to: cassandra: hey, found some, meet me by the street after everyone’s gone.

with that, keiran finished off the bottle and made his way through the dwindling crowd, waiting for the last few stragglers to make their way home so he could get this over with. he promised blue he’d be home within the hour, so his deadline was coming up short.

Reaching up with one hand, Blue ran his fingers through Kieran’s hair. He didn’t pull away until the kiss had gone on way to long for one held in public. Not that Blue cared to much but he also didn’t want to get kicked out of prom for jumping Kieran’s bones right then and there. As much as these people might not mess with him, literal sex on the dance floor was probably pushing it. 

So, he pulled back enough just to look at Kieran. Just to smile up at him and touch his dumb, amazing, face. “Wanna get old with you. Lose my fuckin’ head with you. Break a hip in bed with you.” Blue grinned. He couldn’t help it. Nothing and no one was going to ruin this for him. He needed this so badly and Kieran had just given it to him. “You are, literally, the love of my life.” Blue admitted easily now. The flood gates that he had been holding closed now blown open. He wanted to run around and tell people. Gush to them about how amazing Kieran was. God, this was so stupid. Like some sort of fucked up teenage love story but he felt it. In every part of him. 

Instead of running off, however, Blue leaned forwards and stole another kiss from those lips before falling back against Kieran easily. “Does this mean we’re officially, actually, boyfriends? Seems weird to label it but-” Blue pulled back, his teeth pulling at his lip a bit. “-I kinda wanna be. If you want to.”

the fleeting breath in his lungs was no match for the love, the want, the need keiran felt for blue right now. his lips stayed connected to his for as long as he could muster, his rough hands making rounds in blue’s mop of hair. but he didn’t care. nothing could ruin this moment.

blue pulls away and every instinct inside him tells him to chase the kiss, to hold onto it for just another second longer. but he needs to breathe and so does blue, so the blinding, ear-touching grin on his lips would have to do in partial replacement. 

he could feel the fire beneath his skin growing by the second, but it was no longer fueled by nerves and terrible anxiety. no, this fire, this raging blaze, was fueled by one thing and one thing only. 

l o v e .

as his question, keiran can’t contain his laughter as it tumbles from his lips in bountiful waves. “ of course. we’re official, babe, as official as we’ll ever be until i put a wedding band on that ring finger. “ he grins, stealing another kiss from him before he’s lifting him in a swirling hug.

It was sort of funny wasn’t it? The two boys who had been through so much where both so afraid of three words. Not the cops, not the over doses, or pains of withdrawals, but three words. How could words be so scary? They had weight. Weight that could ground people so well they never had to worry again and weight that could crush you. Destroy what you once cared for so deeply. Thats why Blue had never said it. He was scared. Kieran just never struck him as the sort too fall in love. And with him?

Why in gods name would it be with him?

Kieran could have anyone he wanted. He was smart, handsome, funny, protective, passionate, and the most loyal man Blue had ever meet. So why on earth would he settle for the bottom of the barrel. It was an impossible thought. That Kieran more than cared for him was impossible. It had to be. Nothing else made sense. 

So, Blue’s grip tightened on the front of his shirt as he spoke. His hands shaking just a bit now too. This was it. Kieran was moving on from him. They were done. He didn’t breath for a second and then Kieran did the impossible. He did what they were both too afraid to do. He said the words. He said them twice. Which was good because Blue felt like he was going to black out the first time.

For a second he just stood there, looking at Kieran and taking in his words before he moved. Blue threw himself at Kieran and wrapped his arms around the others neck hugging him tight. “I know.” He mumbled in Kieran’s ear. “Fuck, I love you too, Kieran. Goddamn it.” Blue felt tears welling in his eyes now, a large smile on his face. “I love you too. I’d marry you, you know? Have your fuckin’ babies if it was possible. I fucking love you too.” He rambled on before pulling back just enough to get a good, hard, kiss on to Kieran’s lips.

those three little words held the power to end them, to send them sinking into the earth’s core only to be melted down to nothing. it held the power to destroy everything they’ve worked for these last few years, every hook up turned sleepover, every bad dose and every amazing high. it had the power to take it all down.

but it also had the power to make them the happiest boys in the world, to give them everything they ever wanted in one sole person. 

keiran didn’t know which one would ravish him, if he’d be left in the dirt or tackled in love. but as soon as the other jolted forward, he knew the latter to be true. 

a wide, blinding smile grew on his lips as a small tear of joy fell from his lashes, painting his cheeks red and clear all the same. his arms wrapped tighter around the boy, soft whispers thanking whatever god had decided to give him a good day. 

“ fuck--- fuck, oh my god ! babe, i--- “ he couldn’t form the joy into words, instead letting the other’s lips crash against his in a harmony so synced he couldn’t believe it. 

darby: bUH DUH BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHH :D

darby: awwwww yes she is and so are you !!!

darby:

darby: only thing i'd shoot you with is my LUV n AFFECTION

darby: and maybe a pretzel if ur being a meanie zambeenie

keiran: so cute. ur a cutie.

keiran: we both got the good hair going on and shit

keiran: nah, she loves it when i got others riding with me. BUT she wants to see u on her by yourself, doll

darby: OOH I DID A LIL BOOTIE POPP JUST FOR YA DID YA SEE!

darby: ☺️☺️ very

darby: oooooooooo vroom vroom !! im sooo excited to see yoooou keekee palmer. but mostly that bike ;)

darby: yea?? do it!!! i snuggle wayyyy better anyway 💁

keiran: YES I DID IM MCLOVIN IT

keiran: wowza

keiran: i'm,,,,, keke palmer now ok. at least she's cute

keiran: the bike missed u too

When Blue thought back on his life it was like Kieran had always been there only he hadn’t. Yet he fit so well into memories. As if an empty slot had always been open and waiting for him since Blue was young. That empty space where Kieran should have been sometimes containing someone else who didn’t fit quite right or nothing at all. He wished so badly that this shit town had brought them together sooner but at least, at least, it managed to get them together after a while. Blue was convinced that it them being apart of each others lives was New Ham’s crowning achievement and no one was going to convince him otherwise. 

“I am a hoot.” Blue grinned at Kieran but felt his hands shake slightly. Pulling back just a bit, his head tipped to the side as he looked at the other boy. One hand coming up to cup his cheek so that he could relax a little bit more. Blue’s thumb rolled over his cheek bone and felt that silk skin move across his own. Those pretty words that came from Kieran wrapping around him like a warm blanket. Holding him in comfort. Protecting him from the outside world and anyone who wanted to do them harm. 

Swallowing, Blue’s chest caught at the last word to come out of Kieran’s lips. But? But? But what? But I’ve moved on? But I am losing interest? But I want someone new? But I am just plan done with you? Blue’s hand slipped down to the front of Kieran’s shirt and held on tight, he was scared to let go now. “Kieran, please.” Blue whined, his mind spiralling straight down towards a place of pure disperser. “Please…” He couldn’t lose Kieran too. What was he supposed to do without him?

keiran could barely keep himself together, the nerves in his body declaring war against him. a fire burned beneath his skin, battered, shaking bones giving it the foundation it needed to break him. the scars were inevitable, but the after math ? unknown. 

what if he didn’t feel the same way ? what if he never said it because he doesn’t feel it ? what if this is just a constant booty call situation with way too many strings attached ? what if he was about to ruin everything ? his mind ran rampant with curiosities and terrors, and the change in blue’s mood only had him more worried. 

the hand on his cheek allowed keiran to have a breath he had been resisting before, the air in his lungs thinning to the point of suffocation. but he had to get it out, he had to say it. it was going to kill him if he didn’t. 

“ but, “ he continued, heaving a soft sigh as his dark brown eyes moved to gaze into deep, wavering oceans. “ i’ve been holding back these last two years, too afraid of my own feelings to say what i truly feel. “ his eyes squeeze shut just for one moment, giving himself time to back out, but he cut it short, air hitching in his lungs. 

“ i love you, blue. i fucking love you. “

darby: shhhhhh you're a five-course meal with two desserts cuz u are what ya eat and that's SWEETS, hun !!

darby: weeweooo weeewoooo sound the alarms, boy, i'm a real creeper!

darby: say it louder for the poor ears in the back?? 💕

darby: i know you probly got plans w blue after this but how bout tomorrow? you n me n that jumbo bag of pretzels? found out elody mae got one of those slipknot tours ON DVD !!!

keiran: you're too good to me, i swear. but DAMN MAMA TURN AROUND LEMME LOOK AT THAT BOOTY AGAIN

keiran: the true jeepers creepers

keiran: I MISS YOU TOO damn u happy?

keiran: tomorrow sounds good ! i can ride my bike over and we can get u in some practice before we go munchin

“i love to watch you do things i want to do,” hannah said haughtily with a flip of her ponytail over her shoulder. “do you really think i ever forget that?” she grinned, unbidden. she loved seeing her face in his all the time. it was an extra special bond they shared that no one could understand.

once her feet were back on the ground, she pulled away and fixed his suit. “i’m always right. now. where’s blue?”

“ you just like seeing if you’ll look good first. “ he looks at her with a smirk, because he knows he’s right. hell, this girl has given him a wig and an outfit to try on just to see if it was worthy. he complained for hours, but damn did he look good in her jeans. “ it’s kinda hard to forget when you look at me with that--- my face. “ he groaned, but he couldn’t hide his smile. 

he let her stand on two feet once more, a gleaming smile on his lips. at the mention of blue, he perks up. “ uh--- i saw him earlier. don’t know where he is now. “

darby: howdy hey there, mister snack by the snack tables

darby: i seeeeeee you

darby: lookin like a real sly rebel

darby: i miss yooooou 💋

keiran: oh i'm a snack now ? well at least i got a meal right over by the dj shack

keiran: creep alert ! creep alert !

keiran: always missin me, sweets

“no, you can’t just watch! party pooper! you’re the one who insisted we dance in the first place!” she let go of him once he’d gotten started and clapped excitedly. “yay, look at you go! you make such a good chicken.”

but she couldn’t help herself. she ducked under his swinging arms and wrapped her brother in another hug. “shush. you love me.”

“ you love to watch me suffer. “ keiran’s eyes fell into a teasing roll, but his arms raised higher and his back arched, walking in circles with his sister. “ you’re lookin’ in a mirror, han. “ he chuckled. 

at the hug, keiran froze for a moment, the movement unexpected. but soon his arms were wrapping her in a tight hug, lifting her off her toes as he laughed. “ you’re lucky you’re right. “

she stepped away so he could get the full effect of her terrible dancing—to be fair, she was doing it on purpose. that grin was the best thing she’d ever seen. “you have to move, too!”

when he groaned she laughed like crazy, grabbing his hands again so she could force him into the same movements. “you’re not getting out of this, kee!”

“ oh god, can’t i just watch ? “ the boy whined, but soon, his limbs were beginning to move, slightly mimicing the other’s atrocious movements. but he couldn’t deny, he was having the time of his life. 

“ you’re the worst. “ his words were harsh, but his tone was soft and teasing, laughter following them.

Even through his drunken haze, Blue could tell something was up with Kieran. He figured it was that they were both tired and strung out from parting all night, all day and then tonight again. A full twenty-four hours of nonstop go, go, go could do even the most seasoned drug users in. And they were seasoned. He reminded himself that between them, always well and happily kept himself close to the other once they reached the dance floor. 

Falling into Kieran’s arms, his grip, he wrapped his own limbs around Kieran’s neck and smiled at him. It was a dazed sort of smile. The world melting away leaving just the two of them and music. Soft and warm. Safe and happy. Blue leaned his head on Kieran’s shoulder and nodded slowly with his words. He figured they had been fighting. 

“Yeah, I assumed.” Blue mumbled as he moved one hand to grip Kieran’s shirt as the other pushed up into the others hair at the base of his neck. Fingers playing with the so strands of hair that he found there. “Thinking? Kieran that’s horribly dangerous.” He teased the other softly as they stayed close together, there little privet moment in a sea of people. 

the hours on hours of partying had worn him down, he had to admit, but nothing was weighing on his soul more than those three little words--- the ones he’d been dying to say for the last year or two. so, his hands shook, worse than they usually do. he steadied them around the boy’s torso, hugging him softly to his chest as he thought of what he was trying to say. 

his nerves were bad, no drug would help the fire sparking against each cell in his body, the strands of dna going up in smoke with each passing moment. keiran doesn’t get nervous, that was a word for pussies, an emotion that he had even thought of experiencing unless he was coming home with an F. but these, it was something other worldly. 

“ ha ha, very funny. “ he teased back, and it helped relax him, if even for a moment. but he had to do this, he had to get it out before it ate him alive. “ i just... you’ve been my best friend for the longest time, you know ? and when hannah introduced us... i knew we were gonna be something great. “ he could feel his lips curling into a soft smile at the memory. “ and all those years... you’ve seen the worst of me, the best of me, and you’re still here. we uh... we learned to take care of each other, learned the signs of trouble, the signs of withdrawals, i just... you know me so well. but... “

As soon as Kieran said his name, Blue spun around and left whoever he’d been talking to hanging. He didn’t even know the other dudes name and honestly he didn’t care. Not that it mattered. The guy could have been his brother and he still would have left him, without thinking, to give Kieran his full focus. His full attention. 

Throwing his arms around Kieran’s neck, Blue hugged himself close. He nuzzled his face up under Kieran’s chin and smiled brightly. “Kieran! My sweetie, my favourite!” He cooed and then almost fell over but kept up on his feet only because he was basically hanging off the other. “Hi babe. I missed you so much.” Blue told him as he picked himself back up and looked at those pretty, dark, eyes of kierans. Truth be told it might have been half an hour since they last saw each other but he was too drunk to notice. 

“Do you even have to ask?” Blue asked taking Kieran’s hand as he started towards the dance floor. “I’ve never said no to a dance with you and I never will.” He promised as he they walked. 

keiran couldn’t help the warm smile that sprung to his face as the other boy turned to look at him. those deep ocean eyes held everything good inside him, everything he was and wanted to be. but the nerves under his skin wouldn’t let him relaxed, so his smile almost looked forced. almost. 

“ ruka. “ he said softly, hands reaching to cup his face as he moved closer and his arms snagged around his shoulder. he could tell blue was drunk, but it didn’t matter. he knew he would remember what he had to say--- he had to. “ i missed you too, babe. “ every second spent apart was agonizing, for the both of them.

next thing, keiran’s grabbing his hand and leading him to the floor as a slow song echoes against the walls. for a moment, it’s just them. it takes keiran a second to gain his composure, wrapping his arms around the boys waist and pulling him close. 

his voice is like a whisper, only audible to blue. “ so, you know i had that fight with hannah, and it was... probably worse than any other we’ve ever had. well, uh.... it got me thinking. “

she yelped every time he kicked one of her feet, doing a hot-potato dance to try and escape his barrage. “stop! you’re so difficult!” she said with wide-eyed laughter, exasperated. “okayyyyy, i’m dancing! see?”

she shuffled her feet, bent her arms, pecked her head in a terrible, awful, embarrassing chicken dance. it was a sight he would never forget. and hannah was frankly glad she was doing it instead of watching it.

he laughed, continuing to move his feet just to get her to move. his chin tipped back and his mouth opened wide in a bout of bubbles. he was happy. “ finally ! she moves ! “ he exclaims, hands clapping.

she was so glad to have him back, all the way back. it had been the two of them against the world since the very moment their dad walked back through the door, and as much as she did love him and knew he meant well, he’d been hard as hell to deal with. but keiran had gotten her through it. he still did, every day.

“ew, no!” she whined, but it did the trick. “i’ll stop, i’ll stop. i’m making a smart decision now.”

he laughed, kicking her toes as he moved, finally stopping his incessant teasing. a wide smile stayed plastered on his lips, and he was sure it would stay there the whole night. there was nothing that could ruin this.

“ good, you’ve learned. now dance. “ he demanded, though his tone was more pestering.

keiran had never been so full of nerves, usually the coke did the trick and subsided those pesky little things, giving him a wave of bliss. but no drug could cure the spark in his veins and the itch on his skin--- not from this.

in all the years keiran had known blue, they never defined what they were. no boyfriend, or partner. they used the vague terms; babe, honey, lover. anything to cover up what they actually wanted to say--- what keiran really wanted to say.

so he planned the night around it. or, at least, part of the night. the rest would be a drunken mess, he was sure, but this moment was their’s and their’s alone.