"I am Beyoncé, always."

“MOISTURIZE ME MICHELLE“

Me: Doctor, why is that syringe filled with glitter? Doctor: Anaesthetic.

this gave me daydreams

Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn’t know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they’re just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph’s or Food 4 Less and while he’s cooking those the white mom comes out and says “okay kids, here’s some pizza!” And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a “fun pizza” and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she’s a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hate her but they don’t care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and the only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten “fun pizza” and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn’t and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her “fun pizza”

your work/customer service voice is just vocal bottoming‬

how to delete other people’s posts

those who fear the truth are to be destroyed by it

anarchist queen

Taurus

and her name was anne tifa 

after a long week of sküle, george glass kicks back with a tropical smüthie from dennys

One day you’ll have to answer to the Lord.

Honestly, the Android vs. iPhone debate is so stupid like so what, let people have their phones. It’s so pointless and dumb like yeah one has emojis and one looks like a Fisher Price My First Smartphone for Kids but like, can’t we all just get along and take a selfie together with the iPhone’s superior camera? 

when i was a young boy *tips fedora* m'father