Yo

you know what really gets my goat?

el chupacabra

tag yourself I’m dark blue

It’s strange to think that the ceiling and the floor are the same amount of space like when you look at the ceiling it doesn’t look like all the furniture could fit up there

if i don’t end up running down a palace hallway in a flowing couture dress at least once in my life then whats the point

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

how to become my friend

People without glasses are really out here seeing for free

Oh my god I really do have to pay to see what the fuck

Trombones are the worst. Wanna travel from A to C? On a saxophone you lift one finger. On a trombone you YANK YOUR ARM THE DISTANCE FROM WISCONSIN TO ARIZONA OH MY GOSH 

No woman wearing a dress with pockets will fail to mention that it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress.

Beef jerky is like a cow raisin.

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

Fun fact: the Fahrenheit scale is used in temperature according to how it feels to a human. So looking at in percents actually is what you should do

Now can I get a cheat sheet for Celsius

Ask water how hot it feels.