Purple-peepz

urethra would be a lovely name for a person if it didn't literally mean "piss tube"

lorde really wrote an album about being the kid that stayed home when people went out and had to keep a reputation of being nice and modest and polite but secretly wanting to go crazy and dance wildly and go running and bounding and sobbing but feeling as though your whole life hinges on other people giving you the opportunity to do it and so you feel as though you’re wasting your youth

marriage is fucked up

Evil Spirit: FUCK, THERE’S 8 WOMEN ALL WEARING THE SAME COLORED DRESS AND ONE IN WHITE, FUCKING WHICH ONE IS THE DAMN BRIDE?! DAMN IT, FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT OF HERE

actually originally the bride and all the bridesmaids wore the exact same dress and veiled their faces heavily. Which one was exactly the bride wasn’t revealed until the very last minute.

I love this so much Groom’s bff: bro id die for u and ur wife Bride’s bff: lets confuse the fuck out of these spirits

“If anyone should have any reason why these two should not be wed they must first defeat the Best Man in single combat.”

May you en guarde now or lower your blade forever.

called out

@purple-peepz

Awfully bold of you to claim that you or any other human being can even begin to understand what’s going on in Tommy wiseaus head

you know what, thats fair

THOU’M’STN’T’VE

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE

Rossussy is my new favorite thing

If I had to suffer so do y'all

Me too

we should domesticate seals

u ring someone’s doorbell and instead of hearing a dog’s bark u hear a super deep terrifying seal bark and u hear a loud wet flopping noise

that’s the world i want to live in

I’m gonna apply for a job at Gordon Ramsay new restaurant and I’m gonna get it

I submitted my application and resume

I GOT THE FUCKING INTERVIEW

My interview is in a few hours. I got this but wish me luck

I GOT THE FUCKING JOB

reblog for good luck

space jam’s birthday is in 3 days and it’s gonna be 17

@orangeanubis

welp

SHE DID THAT !

IF YOURE NOT GOING THIS HARD FOR BLACK WOMEN YOU ARE NOT AN ALLY

Jeeze man. Imagine if the whole world thought this way.

I mean, I know the community is real stingy these days passing out plates to the cookout for Caucasian mediocrity, but bitch she did THAT 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾