What a lot of people fail to realise about Histrionic Personality Disorder is that there's more than one look to it. Everyone is so used to the theatrical type when in many cases it presents entirely differently; an example of this being myself.
Today's ramble: Disingenuous HPD
This topic is one I present passionately, I love informing people on disorders (like HPD) with very little awareness, and of course because of such a lack of resources I will be linking all the websites I used to back up what I'm saying. Also an important thing to note: I am by no means a professional on this topic and I urge you to do your own research if you wish to better understand individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder (especially if this is the first time you've heard of it).
I plan to start this off by explaining Theodore Millon's personality theory regarding HPD, where he describes the disingenuous subtype and the behaviour patterns linked to it. The way it's depicted is as 'decietful' and 'contriving', quite similarly to ASPD in diagnostic criteria and anyone who were to go off this alone might assume it probably is just Antisocial Personality Disorder, however, that isn't the case at all.
Disingenuous HPD — for me — is more than just lies and masking, it's desperate need to feel seen while struggling to hold others on the same pedestal I expect them to hold me on. I struggle to form long-lasting relationships due to near-constant boredom and need for supply, so if somebody fails to meet the expectations I have of them it's very easy for me to discard them without a care. Only one relationship in my whole life has felt fully genuine because of this, and most come and go within less than a week.
With HPD a common experience is fleeting connections where you believe you are the closest person in their life, only to get dissapointed when you realise you overestimated how much they valued you, and for me this presents a little bit different but more or less the same! Fleeting connections are a thing for me and I do experience overestimating how much someone values me, but it feels more one-sided where I'm convinced I'm the only person in their life/ all that they care about whilst I have very little to no care for them. The dissapointment when realising they don't consider me as the closest person in their life usually leads to ghosting or lashing out at them.
Which leads on to the next point!
One of my biggest struggles is being overly argumentitive and starting unnecessary drama over small things. I got dubbed a drama queen many times for these tendencies, and it usually is the reason for my friendships burning to the ground.
While it's something major enough to ruin my life, it's one of the hardest habits to quit. This usually looks like poking at someones boundaries, or calling them a shit friend and listing a million reasons why they dissapoint me. Both usually get the supply I'm looking for, but at the other person's expense.
Another big thing for me is filler friends. I have so many people I consider to be like dolls on a shelf for me to take pity on and play with for a while, to give me supply and them the false idea that I reach out because I care and like spending time with them. My current filler friends are mostly IRL's as people online I connect much easier with and can consider more or less close.
I have so much more to say on this but I hate unmasking in spaces like tumblr with disgusting people lurking, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to post someone on r/cringe. If enough people are interested in what I have to say, I might make a continuation of this rant.
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
