things my girlfriend has said that made me bust my ass laughing:
“protein, bitch”
“shut the fuck up about my alarms” *goes back to sleep within seconds*
“you look like a pint of guinness”
“haha! thumbless freak” (to their mam’s cat)
“yaaa!!!” (referring to crackhead kid)
“he’s balding”
*sends reel of old granny playing an accordion with a dog dancing in the background*
“your the dog” quickly followed by
“in hindsight that might have been a wild thing to say, i meant it as a compliment”





















