PuffinMuffin

Samus Aran amiibos can open the ticket barriers of Moscow Vyacheslav train station, without needing a ticket.

This is due to an oddly specific RFID in the amiibo that just syncs up correctly enough to the train station’s own reader.  But what I like to say the real reason for this is

Samus don’t need no fucking authorisation so FUCK YOU ADAM

FUCK YOU AND YOUR DEAD MILITARY ASS BITCH I DON’T NEED NO AUTHORISATION

I’M FUCKING SAMUS

It was spring 2014, early in the week.  Pretty sure it was a Tuesday, but it’s been awhile.  It was so dead in our store, I hadn’t seen anyone in over 40 minutes.  Eventually, in comes this mom and we start chatting.  She said she was here to buy her son a game he wanted, Grand Theft Auto 5, and could I help her find it?

Now, I’m sure many of you are aware how awful Grand Theft Auto 5 is in terms of violence, gore, and sexism.  But in case you don’t, the Grand Theft Auto series has always been one of the most violent series that you can buy in stores.  The very first GTA was banned in Brazil and condemned in several countries, GTA 5 has a graphic torture scene that is player initiated.  GTA: San Andreas had the Hot Coffee scandal which happened in 2004 when modders found unused code in the game for a sex minigame that was player controlled.  And that’s only the beginning of the controversies surrounding the GTA series (click here to read more! X X X X X X X )

Anyways, back to me and the Mom.  Who will now be referred to as Mom because she is that awesome.  Since I was behind the counter I pulled a copy of GTA 5 from backstock and started ringing her up while making polite chitchat, the usual cashier stuff.  But everything changed when I asked for her ID because of the M rating.  At first Mom replied, “Oh sure thing let me grab it.”  And started digging in her purse.  But then what I said registered with her and she paused and looked at me.

“M rating?  What does that mean?”

“Oh GTA 5 is rated M for violence, gore, bad language, and other stuff”.  I won’t bore you with the whole spiel I go into when I’m asked about the M rating but basically I just explain why the game is rated M, what the M rating means, and that they can go on ESRB.org to see why it got that rating. 

So I tell Mom about the website and she whips out her cell phone and gets on the site and starts reading.  And she got MAD.  She starts telling me about how her son knows she doesn’t like this sort of game and how he is going to be in so much trouble because he knows better than to ask for this sort of thing as she doesn’t tolerate this in her house.  And he is so grounded for thinking he could get away with this.  Then, Mom looked me in the eye and asked me to look up several other games for her to see if he’d done this with any other games.

“Yea sure thing, which games would you like me to look up?”

“Bioshock 2.”

“I can already tell you without looking that Bioshock 2 is rated M.”

“MY CHILD IS SO GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.  What about the first Bioshock?”

“Yep, that’s also rated M.”

“OH MY GOSH, what about Gears of War?”

“That entire series is rated M.”

To spare y’all from another 10 rounds of that, basically take every popular M rated title from the last 5 years and insert them in the above dialogue. 

Eventually, Mom says “Oh my gosh, you must think me a horrible parent.  I can’t believe I let him have those games.”

“Ma’am, I don’t think that at all.  The fact that you’re concerned about this tells me that you are a good parent.  And just so you know instead of throwing out those games you’re more than welcome to trade them in here and get some store credit or cash back for them.”

“Really?  I’ll have to do that, I don’t want him playing those games anymore.”

“Yea, we also take gaming consoles, iphones, and tablets too!”

“Oh that’s wonderful!  Thank you for being so patient with me and telling me all about this. I’m going home and to go through his gaming collection right now!”

And off she went, leaving me bored till I finally got to leave for the night. 

BUT THAT’S NOT THE END.  THIS IS WHEN SHIT GETS AWESOME.

The next day I’m working again, bored out of my goddamn mind.  There’s only so many times you can alphabetize the store before going insane.  As I’m looking out the window I see a car pull up and Mom hops out and then pulls out two huge duffel bags and walks in.

“Hey welcome back to Gamestop!  What can I help you with!”

“Oh I’m so glad you’re here!  So last night I went through my son’s game collection and most of them are rated M!  So I decided to teach him a lesson about why you don’t lie to your mother.  Seeing as I bought him these consoles and most of the games were bought with my money, his game consoles and games actually belong to me.  Therefore, I would like to trade in all this.“  And proceeds to pull out his XBox 360, PS3, and every game he had for both consoles (over 50!) as well all the extra controllers and headsets he had. 

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.“  I will never forget her smile when she said this nor the look in her eye.  This is not a woman to be crossed.

So I traded everything in and she got back over $300 in store credit for everything.  And with it she bought a Wii, a couple extra controllers, and a couple games rated E.  Then she looked me in the eye and asked if we had any extra boxes laying around for the XBox One and if so could she have one?

“Are you going to put the Wii in it and give it to him?“ 

“Yes.  Along with a note saying that this is what happens when you abuse the trust of your mother.  I’m going to make sure this never happens again.“  It is at this point that Mom ascended to God Tier status with all Gamestop employees falling to their knees for a chance to bask in her glory. 

I got her an XBox One box and sent her on her way after asking her to take the survey on the receipt. 

“Oh of course dear, you’ve been such a big help.  Let me write down your name so I don’t forget it.”

“Of course!  I’m Lexi, but if your son asks my name is Deegan.“  (Deegan was my store’s manager at the time. 

Heads Up

For more video game moments, click here! And if you have a gaming moment, submit it here! If the source is incorrect, email [email protected] and it will be corrected ASAP.

An abandoned doll factory

Wow. We’re top post on Reddit again. These gifs are magic.

Women in video games! I had tried to finish this for International Women’s Day, but here it is now. :D

Aries: plays loud weird music at inappropriate times

Taurus: almost always home, no one knows what they’re doing though

Gemini: Never lets anyone else watch what they want on TV

Cancer: Rearranges the furniture when they can’t sleep

Leo: Constantly gets new clothes and makes everyone stop what they’re doing to ask their opinion on them

Virgo: Gives that talk a lot about how we all need to pitch in and do the dishes

Libra: On the phone a lot, constantly leaving to do something “important” mysteriously

Scorpio: wears a blanket everywhere and tells wild stories to everyone constantly

Sagittarius: Leaves their makeup out on the bathroom counter, shows everyone funny videos they find on youtube / vine

Capricorn: Goes shopping for the house, the one who loves to run out and get soap, food and paper towels

Aquarius: Leaves books everywhere, sits on their computer on the kitchen floor at 3am

Sunday Loot REMIX! Boosting Welcoming Women-Led Geek Spaces for All

It’s that time again! We’re bringing you an entirely revamped Sunday Loot series, so brew that cup of coffee you’ve been thinking about and settle in for the read. If you’re new to the changes we’ve been stirring up around here, I’d suggest checking in with our post from last week. In summary! Rather than continue providing a platform for the awful industry goings-on (that everyone knows about), we decided to shift our focus to something we see too little of these days (that less people know about). Boosting more positive gaming spaces for you to visit!

Every weekend, we’re going to serve up a list of gamers and their gaming communities hot off the FemHype press! These are the creators we dearly hope to hear and see more from, whether their domain is mainly based on Twitch, YouTube, Wordpress, or beyond. I’m really excited about this series, friends! Browse the links below for content that catches your eye. The goal here is to introduce you to as many new voices as possible in the hope of connecting you with a positive, inclusive community of gamers and geeks.

This week, we’re focusing on a few inspiring ladies on the internet working hard to provide safe spaces for all! 💕🎉 Have a community you want to share with us? Check out our policy after the jump!

Listen up turd turrets, I WANTED to just play video games, I WANTED to just have fun, I NEVER wanted my gaming to be political or a struggle, I just wanted to play.

But you wouldn’t fucking let me, you brought up my gender, you judged me based on it, YOU made it political.

So now I WILL wreck everything with my fucking feminism, I am the feminist nightmare you fucking created.