noah puckerman

Oh you didn’t know? Chicks hang out in the darndest places here in Farnswoth. Last I heard it was customary for single men to just line the street with a sign anncouncing their number and relationship status. Good luck!

Wait, for real? Cause I wanna get myself as out there as possible. The more chicks that have my number the better. Do I need to attach a picture of myself to the poster? 

You are too kind! 

Well would it ever be bad to have a little chance of pace from time to time? You are very charming, I am sure just adding a little friendly conversation could introduce some new lovely people in your life. Well we are both beautiful that is very true. She makes me so very happy! 

Sure. That. 

Frankie: Or a sugar momma 😏

Frankie: Wednesday's perfect.

Frankie: You're terrible, you know that? Though seriously, I do need to work on the legs so you're in luck.

Puck: Are you offering? 😏

Puck: Wanna do it again this week? Make it a weekly thing?

Women are usually right about most things, Puck. I think there’s a few you haven’t, but if you buy someone a cupcake or something they might actually sleep with you again. A sex shark, huh? 

I’m just gonna assume you’re being disgusting and leave it at that.

It would serve you right if “anything” involved emerging communicative therapy techniques for sensory hyperstimulated, non-verbal pre-adolescents with ASD. And you’ve never even been on my list, babe. 

Don’t hate the player, hate the game. But I wont push. I know when to quit. 

Quinnie will come around eventually…maybe. If not you have at least one Fabray that likes you rather than tolerates you.

You call her Quinnie? That’s gold. Cant wait to greet her next with that. And she hasn’t come around since Beths birth, so I dont hold out for her. Shes like, genetically got a stick up her ass. And thanks, its nice to know not every Fabray hates me. I got someone in my court. 

She’s a lot better than Jennifer Aniston. I’m past being a ladies man. Nearing 40 does that to a guy.

You don’t get past being a ladies man, ladies always exist bro. I need a name, or a pic so I can see if this chick is even worth thinking about being not single. 

Omg Puck! You’re absolutely terrible!

Of all the times I’ve been to the beach I’ve never seen the lifeguards run like that and it really bums me out! Do you think it has to be on a California beach or one of those tropical ones? We need to catch up when you’re free!

By that you mean terribly hot, right? I can mind read. 

I see it all the time in my dreams- and once in Miami. It was hella hot, and I swear that chick was doing it on purpose. Maybe you should try looking out for it in Miami. 

Exactly zero percent of handling me involves anyone’s bedroom, Puckerman. 

If your idea of “company” involves trying to get in my pants – pass. Popular opinion says I’m a frigid bitch, your attention is better focused elsewhere.

How come? Are you more of a park kinda girl? Cause I’m totally down for that ride. 

Well we got you back, that is the most important thing! I did make up some great dances! I have all my videos loaded up to share with you! 

You will find such gems there, ones that are so worth getting to know. That is actually part of the news I have to share with you, I am officially off the market! i have a lovely and amazing girlfriend now. 

Can’t wait to watch them. I’m sure you look hot in them. 

Frankie: Not much. You? Sure. How about Wednesday? Does that work for you?

Puck: Nothing either. I need to find a job or something.

Puck: Yeah, it does. I can make time for you whenever.

It’s certainly possible. It’s relaxing to me and I come up with lesson plans there.

Let me buy you a coffee in a way to welcome you back.

Wow, you’re spoiling me babe. This is really making me feel welcome here. Its a shame you’re the Fabray nice to me and not my baby momma. 

I don’t see the harm in a beer. I’ll be your wingman, but I’m not sure I need any help with picking up chicks. I’ve got my sights set on one woman.

Bro, you’ve got to be kidding. If this one woman isn’t Jennifer Aniston, you’re picking up chicks. Bros don’t do this one chick bullshit. 

Oh honey, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me.

Not even then. I’m a big girl, I buy my own drinks and everything.

I’m a good learner, maybe you should teach me? Private lessons in your bedroom? 

Anyone ever tell you, you’re embarrassing? If you’re going to see my little chicken though tell her I bought her something dope, and that her aunt is cooler than her dad. Cool? Thanks! 

No way, I’m not embarrasing. All Puckermans are cool, and I’m the coolest. Its the rules, because I’m the oldest. 

Coffee shops are where the best girls are at. When I’m not at school or home that’s where I’m staying. I’d start there.

I should. At the risk of Quinn killing me- do you think I’ll run into you there? 

I’ve heard bars are where to go but it’s not really my scene. Welcome back, Puck.

So I can’t drag you out to the bar for a beer or two? I could totally use a wingman, and I could even teach you my skills for picking up chicks.