A Contradiction of Terms

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

Bruce: I don't know.

TV Show Host: Oh don't be coy--

Bruce: No, I seriously don't know. I GENUINELY don't. I was actually hoping for some advice? I can't seem to get rid of my money.

TV Show Host: '...Get rid of'?

Bruce: I've tried raising salaries, investing in infrastructure, forcing green initiatives, donating to charities, paying extra taxes--

TV Show Host: "........Extra" taxes??

Bruce: --doing giveaways, setting up trust funds, naming multiple inheritors--

TV Show Host: I'm sorry, can we back up a bit? I think I've lost the thread of this conversation...

Bruce: Listen, I made a bet with a reporter from the Daily Planet ten years ago that I could legally get my net worth down under one billion,

TV Show Host: That's... a very cute joke, Mr Wayne, I,

Bruce: --and the deadline is COMING UP in a few MONTHS,

TV Show Host: what

Bruce: --And not only am I not even CLOSE, I'm still in the GODDAMN TRILLION Range--

TV Show Host: oh dear god he's not joking.

Bruce: I keep shoveling money out the door and it keeps showing back up inside!

Bruce: I've updated EVERY public building in Gotham but THAT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE A DENT in my SALARY--

Bruce: I dumped money into R&D but my company ACCIDENTALLY INVENTED TECH THAT'S NOW TURNING A PROFIT--

Bruce, grabbing the mic: I WANTED TO BUY THE JUSTICE LEAGUE AN INTERSTELLAR BASE ON MARS BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET ME

[The tv crawl at the bottom of the screen reads: Wayne Enterprises stock rises 13%]

Bruce: WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO TO LOSE MONEY AROUND HERE

TV Show Host: Perhaps we could sit down,

Bruce: I'D SAY SOMEONE SHOULD TRY TO ROB MY ACCOUNT BUT I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT MY INSURANCE WOULD PROBABLY COVER IT BECAUSE LAST YEAR I TRIED TO PAY OFF THE JOKER TO TAKE A VACATION, AND THE NEXT TIME HE GOT ARRESTED, ARKHAM REFUNDED THE MONEY,

TV Show Host: Sir, please,

Bruce: --ACTUALLY, LET'S TRY IT! WHAT'VE I GOT TO LOSE, A COUPLE TRILLION?

Bruce: ALRIGHT GUYS LISTEN UP, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER IS 555-

[Screen goes blue] ["Apologies, we are experiencing technical difficulties; MoneyTalk will be back on air shortly"]

Lois, sitting at home watching the TV: ...So.

Lois: A bet with Bruce Wayne, huh?

i kinda believe that hal trusts his children more than that??? he knows that his daughters are not little girls but young brilliant women and he acts accordingly. i mean of course he would never put them directly in danger, of course he protects them, of course he wouldn't want them to be harmed in any way BUT

he very well knows that they are capable and smart. and they have each other, and they have elodie, and they have him and he has them, and they are not alone. he doesn't tell them everything but he's not actively hiding stuff or something. he gives them the opportunity to know things they get to know. he's honest when he says that everything's bad

he lets shadia use the paint and the blades even though he himself does not feel very confident about them

he lets hero be around and organize their little conspiracy teams

and yeah sure, he would potentially kill anybody who put his kids in danger (or is the source of the danger). but he's not as overprotective as people think about him and obviously not as overprotective as thjazi was towards him

Everyone knows that Hal was not involved.

But, of course, now Hal is involved. He stepped into the sewer, he's building a spy network, he's a Schemer now. But everyone he's involved with is still working off the muscle memory of "protect Hal" that they got from Thjazi-- even Bolaire, who really seems to hate Thjazi, was working from that framework. Protecting the kids to protect Hal is the natural extension of that. Hal is making choices that are putting himself in danger, and that doesn't mean that he wants his kids or Elodie to feel the consequences of that, but the people around him who have spent the last 20(-ish) years protecting him are still adjusting to this new version of Hal that now wants to be involved.

So we're stuck in the same pattern. A Fang is stepping away from the family he loves in order to do something righteous, and his family must be protected at all costs. Even if they are more than capable of taking care of themselves, even if they would take up their uncle's sword as quickly as their father had, even if keeping them away keeps them in the dark.

Each of the lyrics comes from an old-time hickory song for fiddles, and is a lyric from that corresponding song.

"Fire on the Mountain" --> "Fire on the Mountain, run boys run"

Fire On The Mountain - Fiddle Player POV

"The House of the Rising Sun" --> "The Devil's in the house of the rising sun"

House of the Rising Sun

"Ida Red" --> "Chicken in the bread pan peckin' out dough"

Ida Red - Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys

"Granny Will Your Dog Bite" --> "Granny does your dog bite? 'No child, no'."

FTC #149 Granny Will Your Dog Bite

And for your furthered education, The Mountain Whipporwill.

in a time before things like radios and record players, every time you heard music was because there was somebody in the room with you playing an instrument. and many, many, many social events involved dancing, which requires music. so, if you're planning any kind of gathering in the american south or appalachia, you need to find a fiddler. and the fiddler's job is to play music that everybody knows and likes and can dance to.

the mistake The Devil makes in his bet with Johnny is that he misinterprets the contest as being about technical ability, so he has this big flashy song. he plays fast and impressively with a band of demons playing unfamiliar instruments in unfamiliar rhythms. he's definitely more skilled at playing than Johnny, and thinks he has it in the bag.

Mini Ashley and Taliesins on the Weird Kids' Weirdsville map.

that said! i am fascinated by the way that murray seems a little blind to struggles that aren’t in line with her own until she’s directly and pretty aggressively confronted with them.

we get to see this first with occtis, and how she sees his name and knows his house and immediately assumes that he’s just like the rest of them. she doesn’t see the implication of a child of a sundered house having to resort to studying wizardry when he should have all manner of magic at his fingertips without a lick of effort by his birthright. she doesn’t see the truth of his situation, doesn’t look for it at all, until occtis is dead at her feet, murdered by his own family.

on the other hand, there’s demodus, who has the same struggle as her in her eyes, of not being taken seriously with the talent he’s studied to cultivate, and working for the funding and freedom to continue studying as murray has fought for continued funding and freedom for her school

and then there’s azune, who she’s taught same as demodus, and who has struggled on his own the same as demodus and she have. but his struggle ends with him aiming to be useful, it’s ended with him in a position of power (as much as being a magic cop under the thumb of a noble who has said azune should be afraid of him is holding some power), and murray doesn’t seem to see how hard that is for him, even when he says in no uncertain terms to her that he worries she hates him for his position in a corrupt system. it’s not until he’s devolving into a gasping panic in front of her begging for her help and saying he’s scared and can’t do this anymore that she sees that he’s truly, severely struggling with the burden he’s under.

and even then, she tells him he’s a boy scout, and one of the good ones, and that he has to keep going he has no choice. in the same breath that she’s telling him that demodus, who is only maybe 4 ot 5 years younger than him, is too young and innocent to risk, she’s telling azune that he is worth risking for the cause and he has to buck up and get over it. he has made his bed and must lie in it.

which is true, he has made this bed for himself, but only because he’s been living in this level of isolation where he only interacts with what passes for his support system when thjazi needs something from him, to the point where even thimble doesn’t know where he lives or if he has anything to go home to.

It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.

my mother, completely deadpan: well are they reviewing the theatrical release or director's cut.

me: