FIGHT FOR YOURSELF

Seth really be changing my life sittin with me when I’m in immense pain and can’t move so he holds the heating pad up to my back, breathing w me when I’m splayed out on the sidewalk at 3am having a meltdown, listening to the few words I can say when I’m shut down and not punishing me for not being able to talk. I been tryin so hard for so long to not let anyone see these parts of me and he just tells me it’s ok, that he knows it’s scary but he also knows he’s safe and he will tell me if he doesn’t and he wants to be there for me. I feel like a part of me didn’t know I was allowed to ask for help like this.

Full offense shouting about mental health inequities on the internet has gotten me more help than quietly and complacently taking shitty health care ever has, please stop telling disabled people to calm down.

thinking about everyone around me seeing me being this depressed as at least partially a choice and wanting to fall deep into a black hole I can never return from

the way the only other dude at work who is on the spectrum saw me jump ONCE when he lightly touched my back and was like “hey are you on the spectrum?” Like damn guess I got a new bestie his name is Jeff and he is 38

being in the part of your life where you can finally go after whatever you want and then realizing that the thing you have wanted most for the majority of your life has been to not be alive is uhhhhh disappointing

all my ancestors hate me and I couldn’t be more thankful: a study in becoming what you were never supposed to be

I always psych myself out and think I’m ruining everything and then I take my Ritalin and do one homework assignment and actually check my grades and realize I’m a pretty good student so making a mistake isn’t going to ruin my entire life and then I have to sit in my sweaty pajamas and think about how much I let myself stress out over two late assignments.