self proclaimed poet

• 06/02/2019 •

That day was the day my life changed. 7 years ago was the last time I was ever drunk & high. 7 full years since I buried myself in substances. I spent the majority of my teens partying & trying my best to avoid my struggles, but 7 years ago I decided to try a different approach.

I’m going to be honest I never actually planned on stopping. When my mom forced me to go to my first meeting I thought I’ll just go, shut her up & get back to my old ways but hide it better. Then I walked through the doors, I sat in that chair & I heard my story. Not identical events, but the emotional journey felt the same. In that moment something clicked & I decided to stay, maybe see if this was a better option than what I was doing. I never expected it to stick, I never thought I would be alive much less clean 7 YEARS later.. but here I am.

I have faced nearly every single reservation I had, SOBER. I’ve faced struggles I never saw coming, not once did I consider using again. I won’t lie it wasn’t all sunshine & rainbows, I had my fair share of lows, some so deep I wasn’t sure I could dig myself out. But I did, and I STAYED CLEAN.

Thanks to recovery, I got my life back & was able to build the one I always dreamed of. Today I am doing things I didn’t even bother thinking about 7 years ago because I never planned to live this long. But now I can’t imagine not being here to enjoy everything that life has to offer. I’m just as grateful for the lows as I am the good times, because there’s lessons to be learned & love to be felt in both.

Before I end up writing a college dissertation, I want to cap this off with a formal apology to those that were around when I was at my worst. I know I put a lot of my closest friends in really uncomfortable situations & I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Looking back I’m so ashamed of the things I do remember & I’m terrified of the things I don’t. Thank you to those who stood by me & for giving me the opportunity to become a better person. For those who didn’t, I get it & I don’t blame you. That’s all 🖤🖤