if you took a scorpion to a rave

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

people aren't even exaggerating indeed is literally like that. walmart attendant $13 an hour, target attendant $13 an hour, AI dick sucker $40 an hour, home depot attendant $13 an hour, guy who designs bullets that can only kill children $160k a year plus benefits, gas station manager $18 an hour

you people aren't CASTING

I'd rather not post irl graphic content here, so no photo for yall, but one of the blood puddles from today's accident is still out there. The other one has however been washed already 😔#mybloodpuddles

The person who tweeted “y’all can’t even boycott Chick-fil-A” was right then and continues to be proven right now

entry-level job with a 23k salary asking me to write a minimum 2,500-word essay where i extravagantly praise The Company and express dewy-eyed admiration for their Glorious Mission Statement. i hope king arthur returns and slices every hiring manager to ribbons with his big sword

To be fair imagine you just arrived in 2018 from Victorian England and discovered Take On Me, what are you supposed to do, not blast it loud enough for your family to hear it all the way back in 1876?

this is an example of a symbiotic relationship

This addition is so important.

let's reintroduce "rude" to the lexicon no that person is not evil or morally bankrupt or even your enemy they're just being rude

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard