Little Letters

I'm getting worse

The feelings, the situation and even the daily chores

I'm drowning

I'm gasping

I can't breathe

It's suffocating

It's frustrating

I'm really falling towards the abyss

Every day, no rest

Either it's physically or emotionally

What's worse? Draining mentally

Can I get a breather? A second or two?

A little bit more and I'm really falling apart

My sanity is only holding a thread thin line

An act of mishandling is going to cut out

Then I'll be done...............

And if I ever discover a thing that can help me recover.....

I hope it's not too late ...

A little bit

"Silence means yes"

That visible sparkle in your eyes

The wrinkles under it and the light that everyone can see

You're an amazing person and you prove that everyday

You are calm in every situation

You get mad at some

You're grandchildren is your comfort zone

And their laughter is the cure to your entire day that was so tiresome

The best man I ever know

The first man I ever love

The best dad I ever have

To someone who hide you to the rest

Someone who's like ashame to be with you in an ocean of people.

And you're always thinking,if you really deserve such thing,

But you choose it that way

You became the secret that he keep

A plant in an indoor that never sees the sun shining everyday

Although he showered you with attention your brain won't stop overthinking about the way he is when you're with him in public

You're so conscious

You're too scared

You're like walking in an eggshells

And afraid to make mistakes

You are tied in that way and you continue it anyway

So you deserve it since you tolerated it

But I want you to remember that when you wake up in that trance you called love, get up and confront him and bid him goodbye

You deserve a partner who is proud to be with you

You deserve someone who can accept all your flaws

You deserve someone who's patience don't break at petty and silly mistakes

You deserve a love that won't keep you in the dark and hid you there all alone.......

I hope the next time you'll fall in love will be to the person who already pass the phase of their traumatic past. Do not rush. Nor thinking of making your pace fast. Enjoy where you are, love yourself the way you wanted to be loved.

Does it cost you a broken heart in an iron ribs? Or a pale of tears from your soulful eyes?

How much?

But let me ask you this first,

When was the last time you make your self be on top of your priority list?

You don't remember right?

For you are afraid to be called selfish

You are afraid to be called inappropriate names from people you valued but can't do the same to you.

It's not selfishness when at times you think of yourself first,

It's not selfishness when you felt suffocated being in a crowd of people who only see you as an object to be use,

Sometimes, we need to be on our own to heal all the wound.

Sometimes, we need to figure it out by ourselves in able to balance our decision without any interruptions,

And

We have to do what is right even if it feels so wrong.

You think you can't overcome it, you think wrong.

You won't overcome if you stay in that spot for so long, if you won't move your feet to move forward then you will remain in the place where you hurt yourself.

You think it will last long, no it won't.

Traumatic Memories are often unstoppable especially if something trigger it to play in your head, but it doesn't mean that you will forever hold that bad memories with you, I suggest you create new, but first thing you should do is to savour all the pain in that past memories that hurt you until it hurt no more and you learn MORE!

You control the steering wheel in your journey, don't let others drive it for you.

Don't even pass the speed and go too fast, just enjoy the scenery,

Fast or slow , whatever Pace you go....

You will still reach your destination with a lot of lesson that you'll carry.

The moon is alone and everything seems gloom

And just like how it's solidarity give me peace

I started to realize a lot of things,

Inside my head is bulk of burden I never knew will exist,

I blink slower than normal and everytime I close my eyes, realizations hit home.

I feel no regrets, for it won't change anything,

Not even wishing time to go back and fix my mistake even if there's a big reward at stake.

I got addicted to loneliness,

I found peace in solitude,

I found my self when I lost those people I thought who genuinely care about me.

I pick up the broken pieces of myself and build it more firmly than before,

I accepted and embrace my flaws,

I converted my weakness into strength where no one can use it against me.

Because above all the things that I realized,

At the end of the day,

"IT'S ME WHO GOT A SAY"