prplhed

Both dull most days,

but still constantly there,

emanates and has its own heartbeat,

that’s the thing with age,

you simply grow around it,

it can be a minor comfort,

nostalgia of the present,

it’s all i’ve known,

i wouldn’t be me without it,

if i heal myself and get healthy,

where would my mind go constantly,

would that extinguish my desire,

i’d probably have to find a new worry,

combined with a yearning,

i wish they were separate,

i wish milk thistle could heal both,

i wish letting go would shrink both,

i hope she’s content,

i hope i’m not damaged past the point of reversal,

i don’t know which i’d choose if i could only choose one,

For the longest time I’ve felt victim,

how could I be abandoned?

but I no longer resent being left,

lying in a pool of my own sweat,

I’d exhausted everyone’s patience,

Damage to dozens that can’t be amended,

I lost so many years.

I had deserved the solitude,

I wasn’t able to be the person anyone needed me to be,

For anyone,

not like how I am now.

If only I could meet everyone again for the first time,

And just as dreams go, it seemed like I was onto something maybe I shouldn’t realize, so the dream fought me. My friend drove the car off the side of the road into the water. I was able to get out of the water without a problem but had to forcefully push the car window down to get my friend out to safety. He ended up saying he did that because the car was a piece of junk anyway, and that the band would get another vehicle as soon as possible.

The whole ordeal was a great distraction to the simple fact that I just recognized a location from a previous dream. While it was simple, my brain felt like it was something I wasn’t allowed to explore any further and promptly extinguished. Or maybe it’s my brain acting out what I’m conditioned to.