worm

we kill the bat man

we kill the bat man

Am walking through Manhattan, there's a woman who can't be more than 25 in a big fur coat, walking with a cane, angrily saying into her headpiece "I want them them destroyed," I feel like an extra in a movie

Ok so apparently the girls went out for tinis and bruschetta without me

Here's a map of settler colonial powers that hate resistance to settler colonialism

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

"theres gonna be a power outage tomorrow welp i better boil some water in advance!" "oh gee looks like its time to vacuum the carpet!" GET REAL?????? YOU SOUND INSANE

someday youre gonna be out of baking soda when it matters most and its gonna destroy you

you used to be able to get a job just by circling a listing in a newspaper in red pen

in my little pony universe youd go to a job interview and theyd be like so how does your cutiemark reflect your dedication to this position. And every time youd have to spew some bullshit about how your cutiemark of two tennis rackets actually means youre a team player and good at multitasking and view the market like a playing field. or whatever. and you wouldnt even get the job

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

yes, babe, you’re sick and twisted, will you come back to bed- what? yes, of course you’re evil and irredeemable. now can you please cuddle with me

I'm part of a elite team who is the government and we go around making sure all little objects and creatures are in line with gods creation becauuese you see a stone has to worship AS A STONE and not another thing like say a frog or a dark alien and it's our job to use special psycho guns that alter the auras of stuff with special bullets that are kind of like prayer wheels you know how they sprin through the air yeah it's kind of like that and all of us are bad people and I have an eye patch and the criminals want to shoot me in the head with normal guns