viva la whiskey

Question 10: How do I set goals, and what goals should I set? First, I’d like to point out that I loathe ‘setting goals’ because of all the negative feelings that come along with not meeting them. So, right off the bat, I’m not loving this question because the ‘g’ word makes me ill to my stomach. For the rest of the post I’ll be referring to that word as ‘beezlebob’ instead. Setting beezlebobs is an…

Question 9: What is the Meaning of Life? What is my Purpose? I’ve thought a lot about his, and I don’t believe that I have only a single purpose. I think that I was put on this earth, or manifested here, or whatever to create art in all its forms. My purpose is art, but it’s also to spread love, bring joy to others, and to be of service to those that need it. I don’t claim to know everything about…

I just want to have some real talk for a second. I’ve very obviously been secluding myself from the outside world for the past couple of weeks. For a number of reasons. It’s no secret that I suffer from both anxiety and depression, and they get agitated when the seasons change. This is typical for a lot of people, I think. Anyways, I felt myself pulling away from the world, going back into that…

Abyss Deep: What's My Fear

Question 8: What Am I Afraid Of? How Can I Work On These Fears?

Anxiety makes it so easy to have so many fears. Potentially anything can be turned into a threat by a mind focussed on finding threats when there absolutely are none. Some of my more serious fears, the more rational ones, are easy to pinpoint.

Spiders. Let start it off simple. There’s no way in hell that I’ll be exposing…

Abyss Deep: Tell Someone You Love Them

What Am I Grateful For Right Now? This is something I think about a lot, I am grateful for so much. I’m grateful for my brothers, my long-distance friends, my godchild that is on the way (and who will hopefully be here soon), my parents’ health, good books, good music, good and bad art, my motivation to create and be creative, the moon, the stars, love, kindness in the world, my beating heart, my…

Abyss Deep: Spread Your Light

Question 6: What Do You Want to Add, and What Do You Want to Release?

In my life, I want to add more self-acceptance, more confidence, more vulnerability, and more straightforwardness. I would like to adopt a healthier sleeping and waking pattern, allowing myself to get a sane amount of Zs, while also rising with the sun. Insomnia is lonely, and I often wonder if other parts of my life would…

Abyss Deep: Minds Can't Always Be Positive (And That's Okay)

Question 5: What Mindsets Are You Pursuing? Lately, my mind feels like a foggy mirror, so if I could imagine a destination for my mental state it would be much clearer and much less crowded.

What positive thoughts about myself can I focus on? I’m only going to talk about one because the following questions are specific to my answer to this one, and I don’t want to have to dive deep into every…

Abyss Deep: Do I Have to?

Today’s question (question 4 of 40 questions that’s supposed to help me get to know myself better) is all about one of my least favorite things! CHANGE. This question doesn’t have any subquestions, so it won’t be too long of a read.

Question 4: Are You Embracing and Accepting Changes or Life Transitions? Just reading this question makes my stomach turn. I’ve never been the best at accepting…

Continuing with the journal prompts, here’s question 3 of 40 questions that is supposed to help me get to know myself better:

Question 3: Have You Cared and Nourished Yourself? I’m generally very aware of my emotions and how I’m caring for them, so I’d say that yes, I care for myself when I need to do so. Though, I’m sure that I falter, like everyone. I could be kinder to my emotions.

How…

Day 2 of answering a journal prompt from an article of 40 questions (plus that question’s subset of deeper questions) that is supposed to help me get to know myself better. I’ll dive right in.

Question 2: What Are You Holding Onto That Is Limiting You? What comes to mind when I read this particular question is a list of potentially toxic behaviors that I could benefit from getting rid of:…

Abyss Deep: The Smudge

I, like many young adults, find myself spending way too much time on social media. For me, Pinterest is a huge one. I’m able to search for art that I like, I can find easy recipes for last minute meals when I haven’t gone grocery shopping, and more importantly, today, it brought me to an article about self exploration through journaling.

I love all that ‘deep’ crap. If you know me at all,…

Dear James,

I haven’t written you in a while, and I promise not to make myself feel too guilty about it. Despite being a chaotic mess every second of every day, a lot of really wonderful things are happening in my world even though you’re gone. I won’t make myself feel guilty about that, either.

Kirsten is having a baby. Very soon. She’s coming up on 35 weeks! I’ve been chosen as the…

9:50 PM and I’m a Wilted Flower

When I admitted to feeling like a boring human being, the ‘sweet’ one in a crowd full of risk takers and interesting people, you said, “I think you tend to hold space really well for other people, which might make YOU feel like you’re boring…” I read that on the small screen pressed against my face, and the first thought I had afterwards was: Holding space is the same thing as keeping quiet, and…

What I Didn’t Say

There are very few people in my life that I could spend hours and hours talking to without getting tired or pressured to fill an unavoidable silence. It is a common occurrence that when I am comfortable and enjoying someone’s company, there is so much that I would like to say that never makes it out of my mouth. There may be nervousness on my part, or our time gets cut shorter than I anticipated,…

It’s 4:47am, the thunder is rumbling outside my bedroom window, and I’m afraid of dying. I’ve had a lot of experience with death in my young life. I’ve seen it, I’ve spent months thinking about it, and I’ve outlived it. Though it has become so familiar and mundane in my conscious mind, sometimes the fear manages to creep its way back into the parts of my brain that keep me up at night. That’s why…

Today, I can cry.

For the past few months, I’ve been putting 85% of my energy towards writing a book. This piece of work developed from the worst, most devastating experiences of my life, and I’ve written just shy of 50,000 words, which would amount to about 160 pages. I’m paragraphs away from polishing a shareable chapter amidst the unorganized mess, but today is the anniversary of my brother’s death.

The most…

Super Depressed and Feelin’ It

James, Oregon winter is coming. I feel it when I sit too close to my bedroom window at night, in the constricted blood vessels living in my fingertips, and even more in my tired lungs. 

(Okay, to be real with you, I’ve been going through some pretty intense stuff, and I’m going to whine about it for a bit because if not I might explode, so you’ve been warned.)

I firmly believe in the Law of…