Meh

*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*

Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.

Tim: *tapping at his phone*

Jason: Tim, what's your handle?

Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.

Dick: what are you doing?

Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.

Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?

Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.

Alfred:

Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?

Dick, without blinking: yup.

Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.

Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?

Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.

Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.

Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?

Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.

Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!

*keyboard tapping*

Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.

Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*

Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,

Alfred: *starting to get concerned*

Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?

Dick: *crying*

Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.

Jason, clapping: YES,

Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'

Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,

Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,

Alfred: tea, anybody?

Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.

Alfred:

[DC] oh no…I turned timkon into a miraculous ladybug lovesquare 🤒

Anyways this will barely make sense but Conner -> Tim / Robin -> Superboy is sort of supposed to be like the early timkon dynamic in the comics where they’d sometimes butt heads, but then the Tim -> Conner/Superboy-> Robin is supposed to be like later timkon where there’s more obvious admiration lololol

Undercover Angel AU Part 9

<- Part 8 |

-> Beginning <-

Pa, holding the baby: So this is our great-grandson?

Clark: No, Pa, not-

Pa, glaring at Clark: This is our great-grandson, Clark. Our great-grandboy.

Clark: He has Conner's DNA and Tim's, he's like Conner was, not really-

Pa, adamantly: I'm a farmer, Clark. I know all about DNA and genes and I got to say, he's got my nose. Like you did.

Clark: Sure, pop.

Ma, holding her great-grandson: You remind me so much of your grandpa. But you won't chew on my vacuum cleaner, won't you? No, you won't, because your mommy is so clever, isn't he? Tim, dear, have another cookie.

Tim, full to bursting: Mrs Kent-

Ma: You know full well that it's Ma. And you need your strength. Now, once you're done your cookies, you go have a lie down, you hear?

Lois, eyeing Clark pushing a pram: Did you fuck Bruce Wayne again?

Stephanie: We have bad news Tim. You should sit down.

Tim: Oh shit did someone actually die?? Who was it this time?

Dick: Remember that civilian that we catch trailing after us every so often? The one who was involved in the Penguin incident awhile ago?

Tim: Oh. Clarissa O’Neal? What about her?

Damian: She was taken hostage by one of Black Masks henchmen. We didn’t make it in time to save her.

Tim: ? And that’s why you guys are so upset? C’mon guys lighten up, it’s movie night

Jason, getting visibly pissed: What the Fuck dude. A civilian we were close to fucking died because we didn’t make it in time

Dick: I know you didn’t like her much but show a bit of empathy Timmy. You usually take these situations seriously

Tim: I’ve been trying to kill her off for ages. Why would I be upset??

Steph: Tim you have 10 seconds to fix your attitude before i fix it for you

Jason: Since when do you take people’s lives so lightly? Dude you need to leave before I do something i regret.

Tim: I didn’t know you guys were so attached to her. I could revive her if you want, but honestly it’s more effort than it’s worth. And she was getting unwanted attention from the rogues so she had to go.

Damian: Revive?? Timothy what are you on about? And why are you saying that like you personally set up her demise?

Tim: Because I did? The planning for it took forever but I have to admit everything went a lot better than I was expecting.

Dick: TIM WHAT—

Jason: WHAT THE HELL—

Damian: MURDER? You?!

Steph, screaming over everyone else: WAIT SHUT UP

Steph: TIM NO YOU DID NOT

Steph: TIM DON’T TELL ME YOU DID IT AGAIN

Dick: Again?!? What are you talking about?!

Steph, laughing: Guys calm down. HE was Clarissa

Tim: You guys didn’t know??

Jason: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE HISPANIC LOOKING WOMEN IN HER MID TWENTIES AND A CRIME ALLEY ACCENT WAS YOU

Dick: Tim i am THIS CLOSE to burning down your disguise room.

Damian: Timothy explain yourself

Tim: I had an undercover op that I needed a female field agent for a couple years ago to infiltrate penguins operations. Over time She became a bit too important and Black mask was threatening her. So I decided to kill her off. I got the info I needed already and it was becoming a bit of a drag keeping up appearances

Steph: You need to stop getting us emotionally invested in your aliases and then killing them off. This is the fourth time you did this to me. I’ll never forgive you for Alvin Draper, I still grieve him even though i know you’re alive!

Tim: YOU guys need to start recognizing me in disguise. Worlds greatest detectives MY ASS

Jason: DUDE YOU GAVE YOURSELF DOUBLE D’s WHY WOULD WE ASSUME THAT WAS YOU

Damian: My training in this area has been neglected. Timothy show me your disguise lair

Tim: Sure, after movie night. Let’s go

Dick: This is gonna bite us in the ass. Damian is already so good at impressions. We will never know if someone we are talking to is him or not

Tim: LMAO When i’m done with him? Yea everyone’s fucked

Steph: It’s gonna give Roger from American dad

Bruce from the corner: *Breathes a sigh of relief*

Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now

Damian: What are you arguing about?

Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.

Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again

Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.

Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.

Cas: Leader

Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?

Tim: No i called dibs on Jason

Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?

Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.

Jason: …

Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P

Dick: I don’t wanna!

Tim: What, do you wanna switch?

Dick: Well, no—

Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.

Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.

Tim: Okay. Be Batman.

Dick: …

Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.

Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?

Cass: Dibs

Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair

SINGLE

Imagine that, because of the wording, when Alastor steps into the circle his kill counter says 0? Like Charlie's.

Because the specific words used are kills not made in self defense. But it also means the defense of others? And all the kills Alastor made in life were from him defending himself, him making himself the perfect victim for these monsters to attack first, or confronting them on their sins so they'd attack him (technically making it self defense)? And the same goes for permanent killing in Hell, Alastor only has a bright 1 above his head. And that's his father's.

Charlie looking at that and questioning how he's a serial killer if he has no kills. But Alastor corrects her and says that he purposely hunted serial killers and pretended to be their type of victim. All his victims came at him with the intent to kill him, or grievously injure him, or worse. He has never killed someone who didn't try to kill him, or others, first -off the battlefield.

"Charlie, have you ever wondered why I'm a deer with sharp teeth? There has always been myths of creatures that look like deer, but aren't, among human kind. I purposely look like prey to lure in those with the worst intentions. They think I'm too weak to do anything. Soft and delicate. Something to sink their teeth into. And when they try, I take my pound of flesh. Now that I'm in Hell? That is taken literally."

Ooohhh. Okay, for this I would name this the number of MURDERS AU, not kills. Kills that aren't just not in defense of self or other, or during a war, or by honest accident - but are deliberate acts of violence against someone who can't defend themselves from it.

(In which case, while Cherri and Niffty and Husk's numbers are the same - Angel actually gets some less, because a bunch of his numbers were from gang fights where they were trying to kill him as hard as he was trying to kill them.)

(Also, don't know if anyone noticed this or not but - it also, in the canon Number of Kills AU, only counts Niffty's kills made BEFORE her lobotomy, same as it doesn't count Alastor's smothering of the boy in the hospital after months of starvation and sensory deprivation and forced cannibalism and isolation, its just that Niffty isn't the type to remember her numbers like Alastor)

And just like Alastor took offense to his father and the boy not being counted in NoK, here he's shocked at seeing that zero and protests he was a serial killer, you did the spell wrong! And then it shows his murders and why when Lucifer shows his memories, and they realise why it's counting as zero.

Every single person he killed was an abuser, a rapist, a predator, a racist member of the KKK - half of them tried to rape him and the other half tried to kill him, and he was actively saving both his own life and others by taking them out.

And funnily enough...that's not a sin. If Pentious had gone 'Jack is too rich and powerful I can't tell the police...but I can kill him MYSELF to save more women!' and done so, he'd have gone to heaven.

Alastor...should have gone to heaven.

Lucifer realises this, and is in denial, and demands to know why he's in hell then, what did he DO, if it wasn't the kills was it something else, was it rape, theft, adultery, what?

And it shows Alastor doing dark magic and summoning a demon to make a deal with. (but not the deal itself cause i want that hidden from them/Vox.) Possibly it even shows its Rosie he made that deal with.

Actually, slight spoiler here, but Rosie is gonna pop up and her owning Alastor's soul will be revealed in the next part, because she showed up when he was dealing with his father to help him with his new powers/being in hell/the noise. So they find out about that either way - BUT they don't find out the exact details of the deal.

Charlie: no killing buddies!

Vaggie going, "Holy shit, I just realized you have Exorcist markings in your hair!"

Imagine Charlie having a realization and saying aloud that Alastor keeps saying he's a bad person. Just as he said he was here to watch the hotel flop, but then cleaned the place, got employees, and became the manager and chef, all while protecting the Hotel. And if he has actually as selfish as he claimed, he wouldn't have nearly gotten himself killed trying to keep Adam from hurting her. And he would have tried to ask for her Soul in order to receive help not, a "little favour" as he had said.

Charlie also realizing that she has to break the soul contracts of Sinners to save them. That even a redeemed, good person can't go to Heaven if their Soul is owned. Or if they own Souls. Which leads to her saying that she can probably break his deal. And, if not at least because she's under a deal with him herself (even without a Soul being involved), her Dad could break the deal.

Lucifer getting a look of pure terror he didn't even see when torturing Alastor is going to throw him for a loop.

"I can't. I still have work to do. I belong down here."

Imagine Alastor being happy his deals with Husk and Nifty keep him in Hell?

Imagine Rosie's and Vox's deals are broken, Charlie's fulfilled. But he's fighting as a Demon untill he's in front of the gun with Charlie and Emily. He realizes that he has no choice left. He lets go of Husk and Nifty.

He face plants into the ground.

They panic and scream about their deals being broken. Vox is *shocked Pikachu*. Val going, "There! He's dead! Old fucker had a heart attack and dipped. And I am done with your shit!"

Alastor becomes an Angel before everyone's eyes and wakes up to Valentino ripping Vox's head off.

A sketch gifted to a follower who gave me a big tip! They requested ghost dick/jason/tim/damian art!

Just for context of my ghost!jason AU:

- ghost!jason exists cuz “Robin is magic” (there’s more to it but I’m gonna gatekeep)

- current Robin mantle holders can interact with ghost!jason and ghost!damian, hence dick never knew of their existence

Damian:

Damian: where

Tim: *dramatically rips aside curtains and reveals the manor grounds, shrouded in dusk*

Damian: *leans into window* . . . holy shit you’re right

Tim: I WASNT JOKING OK—

Jason: *peeks head in room* unfortunately I have to tell ya, that’s just a groundskeeper with a weird-ass cloak riding one of those fancy mowers

Steph: *from the couch, where she’s eating chips* any change yet??

Jason: *slightly horrified* no. Not one.

Dick: what . . . are you doing?

Steph: three days ago we switched out Tim’s coffee with decaf

Jason: we thought he might get some sleep for once

Steph: but it’s like he ain’t even noticed.

Jason: *throwing hands up in frsutration* it’s two fucking am and he’s still studying in the kitchen. He doesn’t even LIKE studying

Dick:

Dick: I hate to say it, but—

Jason: *horrified* no

Steph: absolutely not

Dick: —have you considered that it was . . . never the caffeine?

Jason: *stares blankly at camera, which shows Tim finishing a stack of paperwork, calmly taking a sip of coffee, and grabbing another stack* are we sure he’s not a meta. Did we have him tested. How confident are we

Dick: