AppleRadio AU where Lucifer hides the fact he can't harm sinners in plain sight.
He doesn't isolate himself, but instead allows sinners to challenge him in a one on one duel. If they win, he'll grant them one favor.
The caveat?
He won't actually fight back.
Since he's so much more powerful than everyone else, it obviously wouldn't be a fair match if he fought back, so instead the real goal of the duel is for the sinner to land a hit on the Devil.
He's been doing this for centuries, if not longer, and no one has beaten him yet.
With all his powers, it's easy to dodge and deflect any attacks.
This works on so many levels.
One, it makes it seem like he's choosing not to hurt sinners instead of literally being unable to.
Two, it turns the duels into a spectacle for everyone to join in on and watch.
Three, Lucifer gets to have fun as a showman putting on a big performance, and getting the crowd revved up, and feeding his ego as the Sin of Pride.
Something else that would be fun to explore with this AU is the idea that Lucifer can still use his powers on sinners, he just can't hurt them. He can redirect their attacks back on them, and can even heal them if he feels like it. Which he does for the sole purpose of dragging out the duel even longer.
Just imagine the sinner getting worn down and beaten up without the Devil laying a finger on them, thinking the battle is already over, only for Lucifer to completely heal them, forcing them to keep the 'show' going.
As the Sin of Pride, Lucifer loves the attention these duels bring.
And as the Devil, he gets to punish the sinners in the only ways he really can: by humiliating them with a brutal and very public defeat.
Over time, these duels have become the biggest source of entertainment in Hell.
People placing bets on who they think might win.
Training arenas crop up to try and make a sinner strong enough to land a hit on the Devil.
And one day Rosie makes a deal with a human that she plans to use to win that one favor from the Devil.
She knows she has no hope of beating Lucifer, so she plans to use someone else in her place. And since she owns his soul, any rewards Alastor gets for being Lucifer would automatically be transferred to her.
So, when Alastor finally arrives in Hell, Rosie wastes no time in catching him up to speed. Taking him to each duel so they can study Lucifer's strategies and mannerisms. Looking for any weaknesses to exploit.
It goes beyond the duels as well.
They go over any public appearances the King has made over the last few centuries, pouring over every news article written about him, and attending any speech Lucifer gives to the public. All for the purpose of gaining whatever advantage they can get.
Throughout it all, Alastor started to develop a theory about their King, one that he doesn't really have any evidence to support. Just a hunch.
What he suspects is that Lucifer can't actually harm any sinners.
The only real evidence he has for this theory is the fact that Lucifer is never shown hurting any sinner ever. Even outside of th arena.
Alastor would have thought that The Devil would be out there torturing sinners in the streets, but that's never the case. All the records and media coverage he was able to found never depicted Lucifer as the Tormentor of the Wicked as you'd expect from him.
It wasn't a lot to go off of, but the more Alastor thought about it, the more it began to make sense.
If Lucifer wasn't able to harm sinners as some kind of cosmic punishment, then it effectively makes him a sitting duck (pun intended) in a sea of self righteous sinners who would love nothing more then to exploit the Devil's weakness.
If Alastor was in that situation, he'd probably do the same thing as Lucifer. Hide this weakness in plain sight as a misdirect. Convince the public that you're not restricted at all, and are simply choosing to be 'merciful'.
With that theory in place, Alastor tells Rosie he's ready to face the Devil.
It's a gamble, but it's all he's got right now.
The duel between them quickly becomes the talk of the whole realm. The Radio Demon, most powerful Overlord that's ever existed, has challenged the Devil. It's all anyone could talk about for weeks.
In the arena, Alastor is struggling to keep up with Lucifer, but he keeps pressing on, trying to get close to him for one particular reason: he wants to make a Deal with the Devil. One that is completely separate from his deal with Rosie.
The very idea that he'd have to go through all this trouble to beat Lucifer, only to have to hand over the winnings to his owner sickens him.
He's not about to let Rosie use him like that.
So when he's close enough to Lucifer that no one else will over hear them, he reveals he knows Lucifer's secret. He even threatens to reveal it to the entire realm, which is a credible threat given he runs the radio industry. He's even been broadcasting this fight this whole time, and has only now muted his microphone to have this little chat.
If Lucifer doesn't play along, then all of Hell will know their King is powerless against sinners.
But it's not just about playing along.
Alastor doesn't want to use his winnings just to free his soul. That would be a waste. Part of this deal would involve Lucifer freeing his soul from Rosie's grasp first, and then granting whatever favor Alastor asks for afterwards.
The threat works.
As much as Lucifer hates having to lose to a sinner, he also can't afford to let his secret out.
After the duel, Lucifer keeps up appearances, acting the part of the graceful looser as he congratulates Alastor on doing what no one else has done before.
Then Lucifer relocates them to a private location where there are guards waiting to execute Alastor.
Under other circumstances, Lucifer would have been willing to make good on his promise to give the victorious sinner what they want, but because Alastor knows his secrets he can't risk anything.
Alastor is quick to offer himself up as Lucifer's Executioner before he could be taken away.
It's enough to get Lucifer to hear him out.
What Alastor has to offer is to act in Lucifer's stead to punish the wicked where the King can't, and in exchange all he asks is for the freedom to travel all of Hell. To be the one sinner allowed to leave Pride Ring.
Lucifer doesn't even need to give it much thought.
Sinners have been getting far too comfortable in Hell, and Lucifer has already started seeing signs of a rebellion. If nothing is done about it soon, he could have a real mess on his hands.
He accepts Alastor's offer on one condition: He cannot use his new found powers and rank against him or his family.
Alastor sees nothing wrong with that. It's bad manners to bite the hand that feeds you, after all.
Lucifer already has a mission in mind for Alastor: to keep tabs on the Overlords, and report back on any of them who might be inclined to start a rebellion. From there they'll devise a plan on how to handle it.
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Summary: After Tim hears his pup’s heartbeat for the first time, he becomes more cautious during patrol.
An Unexpected Pleasure // Baby Announcement // Family Heirlooms // [Heartbeats] //
His family had asked Tim how he felt for his first ultrasound that morning. He couldn’t answer them. Tim was certainly excited when he first booked the appointment with his obstetrician. However, as the day approached, nerves and uncertainty overshadowed the enthusiasm that he originally had. What if he had an ectopic pregnancy? There could be complications if his body wasn’t strong enough to carry a Kryptonian hybrid. His worst fear was that the doctor wouldn’t be able to see his pup.
Growing up as a vigilante in Gotham, he knew how tragedy could be sudden and all consuming. The first trimester was the most volatile with a higher chance of a miscarriage. Tim laid back against the raised bed and tried to calm his frayed nerves. Stress would only hurt his pup. It frustrated Tim that all of his training couldn’t help him fully control his own emotions as he waited for the appointment to start.
Then, he turned to Kon sitting in the chair next to him and his anxiety quieted for a moment. The hospital bed was too small for him to lay with him. Kon had to settle for leaning forward awkwardly to be able to rest his head on Tim’s lap. In turn, Tim idly ran his fingers through his black hair and braided a few strands. It helped to keep his hands busy and distracted rather than desperately holding it to his abdomen to feel his pup as he had for the past few days.
“I can’t wait until I’m able to feel our pup kick. It’s still too early for that. I think I’ll still feel that way even when Peanut keeps me awake by kicking me in the middle of the night. Between your energy and my night patrol, our pup will definitely be a night bat. I’m already accustomed to staying up at night so you’re the main one who Peanut will be torturing.”
“Our pup’s heartbeat is strong.” He said and Tim let out a breath of relief. He couldn’t be more grateful to have Kon as his mate. Through all of his nervous rambling, he was able to find the core of his words and what he needed: the reassurance that their pup was healthy and growing. Tim didn’t know what he would do if the doctor told them that he had a miscarriage or phantom pregnancy.
The door opened and Dr. Baccarin entered the room. They asked Lois for her advice and any referrals that she could give them. Much to Kelex’s disappointment, she recommended the retired doctor over him. She had helped Lois in the early stage of her pregnancy and worked with the Justice League. They would be able to speak to her without worrying about revealing their secret identity.
“Before we start, the blood test from your visit last week came back and your BMP is at healthy levels. Have you experienced any changes of note since our previous appointment?” Dr. Baccarin greeted them with a professional smile and then took her seat in front of the monitor. They had already discussed the process of the ultrasound during their previous appointment.
“Aside from the regular morning sickness and bloating, I can’t complain.” She nodded but Tim didn’t see the response. His focus was on the screen that was still a dark haze. “Based on my last heat, I should be nine weeks along. Will we be able to hear a heartbeat? Conner can hear it so the ultrasound might be able to pick it up too.”
“The heart is forming at this stage so the sound will be faint. Even if we can’t hear it, I will show you on the monitor.”
Tim had never been jealous of Kon’s superpowers before now. His body was changing yet he wouldn’t be able to feel his pup until they were further along in his pregnancy. He thought of the movies and books where the omega could sense their pup immediately even in the first trimester. Reality wasn’t as simple. His pup was too small to feel at the moment. While he had the symptoms of an early pregnancy, they could also be caused by something else.
His main concern was how he would be able to protect his pup when he couldn’t feel them inside him yet. If he was able to feel them kick, that would tell him that they were active and growing. Once his stomach was larger, he could cradle and shield his pup more confidently. Until then, he needed to trust his body and Peanut growing inside him.
He watched the monitor for any changes in the grey streaks that could be his pup. Finally, a dark patch came into view and settled. His heart jumped in excitement even as his relief flooded his body and made his shoulders drop. Tim all but leapt off the bed so he could see the image closer. Dr. Baccarin had to gently ease him back with a light hand on his arm.
“Your pup has made a nice room for themselves here so we don’t need to worry about your pregnancy being ectopic. They look to be eight and a half weeks. I can give you an exact date once they stay still long enough for me to take their measurements. Do you want to try to hear their heartbeat while I do that?” She asked. He barely heard her question over his own rapid heartbeat but he managed to nod.
The image of his pup on the screen was smaller than he expected. Tim could make out the rough shape of their round head and body. That was more than enough for Tim. A wave of joy and protectiveness seized him. The weeks of uncertainty that had been squeezing his chest vanished now that he could finally see his pup. He tried to make out details of the static like a stubby hand. Then, Tim imagined himself cradling his child and holding that small hand.
On the ultrasound, the peanut shape twirled as though it was looking towards them. A relieved laugh escaped Tim. “That’s our pup, Conner! Peanut is so energetic that I’m surprised that I haven’t felt a kick yet. Our pup is definitely going to keep me up at night. Oh, get my phone so I can record Peanut’s heartbeat. I want to listen to it at any time like you do.”
Tim didn’t want to look away from the screen so he blindly waved his hand for his phone. He was taken by surprise when Kon suddenly wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into the crook of his neck. Something warm and wet fell onto his collar. Kon’s voice came out as a stunned gasp. “We’re going to have a family. Thank you, Tim. I love you so much. I love both of you. I won’t let anything happen to you two, my wonders.”
Between each sentence, Kon pressed a hard kiss to wherever his lips could reach from his neck to his temple. He only stopped when Tim cupped his face and held him still in front of him. Tenderly, Tim kissed the corner of his eyes and tasted the tear there. He pulled him back into a warm hug and simply held him. They didn’t need to say anything further for the other to understand.
Kon could still remember a time when he thought he would be trapped by his identity as a clone. He would never be able to age like his friends and his family would only see him as a shadow of Clark. His younger self might disbelieve him if he told him that he was going to be a father with his best friend. There was still a part of Kon that feared he would wake up and find everything was a dream. Then, he saw their pups and it became easier for him to picture that future for himself.
He tightened his arms around Tim. “I hope Marina has your eyes.”
During a lull in their patrol, Tim showed Jason the sonogram from his ultrasound. They sat on a fire escape with Tim holding the picture between them. He had originally planned to wait until the debrief at the batcave so everyone could see it at once. His excitement got the better of him and he couldn’t help but take out the sonogram the first chance he had.
“Your kid is definitely part alien. Lil’ thing looks like a slug.” Jason joked. In response, he lightly jabbed his elbow into his side. The halfhearted attack barely hurt but he wrapped his arm around Tim’s neck in a light headlock. The motion became a hug as he stole the photo from his brother’s hand. He was careful not to be too rough with Tim since he became pregnant. “Are you two planning to find out the gender from the doctor or having one of those parties? Bruce is hoping for a grandson.”
“I’m happy with either a boy or girl. Though, Conner is hoping for a daughter. He didn’t say it directly but he called our pup ‘Marina’ after hearing the heartbeat.” Tim and Conner both loved their pup unconditionally. They knew the struggle of heavy expectations so they would never put that on a child. The only thing they hoped was that their pup would be happy.
“Conner is going to spoil this little princess. He has been spamming your sonogram to the group chat since this afternoon. I’m surprised that he doesn’t say anything about your patrolling while pregnant.” Family was important to Kon and Tim understood why. He looked down at the picture and the wisp of a heartbeat echoed in his ears. He would do everything he could to protect his pup.
“We have an agreement. I can go out as Red Robin as long as I stay away from gunfire. Oracle knows and she has been mainly assigning me to help Gordan with detective work. I’ll take a break once I’m in my second trimester. Also, I’m certain Conner is listening in case I need rescue. He claims he’s staying up because the Legion asked him to help with space research. I know it’s to protect us.”
“If you’re listening, Conner, did Tim ever tell you that he used to lick evidence off the ground?” Jason called aimlessly into the sky knowing that it would reach every Super within three cities.
“Jason’s joking!”
“We’re supposed to be Robins but here I find you two gossiping like magpies.” Damian dropped onto the staircase behind them. He placed his hands on his hips and joined them on the steps. His face softened when he saw the photo in Tim’s hand.
“Do you want to hear my recording of my pup’s heartbeat?” Tim offered.
Damian rolled his eyes at the obvious ploy to evade a lecture from him. “We are on patrol, Drake. It’s a quiet night but we can’t let our guard down. This is a dangerous job. You two are asking for trouble by yelling into the night.”
Considering how they met and their initial rivalry, Tim didn’t expect Damian to be the most supportive of his siblings during his pregnancy. He would fret over his condition and remind him to take his prenatal vitamins. Tim appreciated the support of his entire family and he hoped his pup could sense how loved they already were.
“I’m being careful.” Tim said and tucked his sonogram back into the hidden pocket of his communicator. He wasn’t blind to how dangerous Gotham could be and how growing up privileged mostly shielded him until his mother died. There was still a light of hope in the city though. He became Robin and later Red Robin to protect people and that light. Hopefully, his pup wouldn’t have to fear the shadows of Gotham.
“There was a domestic dispute. Batgirl dealt with the aggressor and the victim is safe. The main issue is that the victim won’t make a statement against his alpha. She thinks you’ll be able to convince him.” While Tim was close with Cass, he didn’t know why she would suggest he speak with the omega. For as bright as he was, Tim had to admit that he wasn’t the best with words and would miss social cues at times. Stephanie would be a better choice than him.
Then, Damian added: “The omega is pregnant.”
Tim was careful not to make a sound as he slid open the window and stepped into the house. He didn’t want to frighten the omega after the ordeal they experienced that night. Past the overturned furniture and broken dishes, Tim found the omega speaking with a police officer in a hushed and hesitant voice. He purposely pressed his feet on a loose floorboard so the creak would draw attention to him.
The gaze of the omega and several officers turned to him. He kept his posture rigid and his expression unreadable as Batman had trained him. The only break in his persona was how he unconsciously pulled his cape tighter around him to cover his swollen stomach. They had redesigned his costume to help hide his pregnancy yet he still shifted to protect his stomach.
“Batgirl reported the incident to me. Badgering a victim won’t convince them to give you a statement. You have enough to put the alpha in holding for one night so deal with that.” Tim gave the instruction without looking away from the omega. There was a nervous shuffle around him as the officers filed out of the room. They worked together for investigations so Tim had their trust. However, being a vigilante meant that there would always be tension with the police.
Tim waited until he was alone with the omega before he allowed his face to soften and his stance became more welcoming. He looked over the omega sitting on the couch, from the young man’s tense shoulders and swollen cheek. He appeared to be a few years younger but further along in his pregnancy. It was a heartbreaking reminder that not everyone was as lucky to find a mate as loving and protective as Kon.
He righted a chair and set it across from the couch. He telegraphed every motion because he knew sharp movements could startle a victim. Tim sat and thought of how he should start such a heavy conversation. He took a deep breath and said, “I’m certain that the police already told you to write a report. What I’m more concerned about is whether you will be safe if your alpha returns. Has he hurt you before? Are you afraid he will again?”
The silence that followed was all the answer that Tim needed. He had seen a similar fear and hesitation in other victims yet it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. Anger rose in him when he imagined his pup being in the same position as the omega. He was only able to control his emotions by reminding himself that he needed to keep a levelled head while helping people.
“Is there somewhere you can go, such as a family member or a friend’s house? If you haven’t told them about your alpha or don’t feel like you’re able to, I can take you to a shelter. Batman vetted the shelter himself so I assure you it is safe and discrete. They will protect you and give you resources. Do you want a police officer to walk you there?”
“My pup needs their father.” He argued but his voice didn’t hold much confidence. Tim could hear that it was an echo of the alpha and not something from the omega. “I was pregnant when I met him. No one else would accept a pup from another alpha like he will.”
“They say it takes a village to raise a pup. There are people who want to help you and would never raise a hand against you. If an alpha is willing to strike a pregnant omega, what’s to stop him from doing the same to your child?” A protective glint passed through their eyes. Tim hoped that was enough and held out his hand to them. Then, they shrunk back into themselves.
“I’m sorry. Please, tell my alpha that I didn’t report him to the police. He’ll trust me again once he knows that I didn’t betray him. He promised to be kind to my pup.” Tim wanted to comfort the omega but he couldn’t agree to their request. He would sooner hand the alpha to Jason for him to be dealt with. He wished there was more that he could say.
He took out his phone from his pocket. Even though Tim had raised the volume, the sound was so soft that it was barely audible. The recording, a steady wisp similar to wings, was distinct enough to make the omega’s eyes widen. Tim returned his phone to his pocket and then moved to sit beside him. He smiled to reassure him.
“I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Though, I know what it feels to be afraid. I find that it’s easier to be brave for someone else— even if you can’t be for yourself. It’s going to be hard but I will do everything that I can to help.”
“Can you walk me to that shelter?”
“Of course.”
“Are you going to fall asleep on me, Wonder? You should know that it’s dangerous to sleep in a bathtub.” He sat with him in the warm bath with his back pressed against his strong chest. After each patrol ended, he would always take a shower to wash away the dirt and stress. Kon had decided to join him that night. He stirred his hand in the water and used his TTK to make small ripples in the shape of a heart.
He washed his hair and then massaged his shoulders to untangle the knots there. A content sigh escaped Tim’s lips and he nestled back against his body. He lost track of how long they had been enjoying the simple bath that almost felt like their own haven. Between Kon’s heatvison and natural body temperature, they could stay for hours without the water turning cold.
They sat in comfortable silence. Tim stretched his leg out of the water before he settled back against him. Each time he was on the edge of sleep, Kon would pepper light kisses onto his shoulder and neck. He leaned down further and licked the droplet of water from his collarbone. His lips tickled and drew him back into the moment.
“I broke someone’s nose today.” The abruptness of his statement took him by surprise and it took a moment for him to react. Tim didn’t see Kon laugh but he could feel how it rolled through his body. “I was walking an omega to the shelter. The asshole who shouldn’t be called anyone’s mate tried to chase us down. Admittedly, I struck him harder than I should’ve.”
“Sounds like he deserved it.” Pride filled his voice. He had been listening to the chaos of Gotham throughout the night in case Tim needed him. Kon trusted him and the other Gotham protectors but he couldn’t help worrying that his mate could be hurt. The only reason he didn’t patrol with him was because Tim strictly forbade it. If Superboy was seen too often in Gotham, people would question why. Their secret identities could be compromised.
Tim took Kon’s hand and placed it on his abdomen. He curled into a ball and shifted between his legs into an easier position to lean his head on his shoulder. Gently, Kon kissed his wet hair. When he started to lift his arm so he could hug him, Tim held his hand firmly in place over their child. He needed the reassurance that his pup was safe between them.
“I thought the police had the man in handcuffs already so I wasn’t on guard for him. My focus was on escorting the victim to the shelter. That asshole tried to attack us with a rock. He didn’t get within three feet of the omega before I knocked him unconscious. It’s just…” Tim let out a frustrated sigh and trailed off. “I hesitated. It was only for a moment but I hesitated. I just thought of Marina and what if she was hurt in the fight. Another pregnant omega was relying on me and I almost froze.”
“That doesn’t make you selfish.” Kon tenderly stroked his stomach over their pup. “And you saved that omega and their child. I can hear them talking with a counselor right now.”
“Thank goodness.” Tim relaxed. He let go of his hand yet Kon continued to rub small circles on his skin. “We already agreed that I will semi-retire once I’m in my second trimester. What about after Peanut is born? I want to be there to watch her grow up. I also have a responsibility to make Gotham safe for her. Lucius was also talking to me about my shares in Wayne Enterprises and possibly taking over.”
So many responsibilities were pulling Tim in different directions. His parents were absent in his early childhood so he vowed to always be present for his own pup. Through Red Robin, he could protect their home. While his job running Wayne’s Neon Knights Program paid well and felt fulfilling, he didn’t know if he could take over the day-to-day operation of an entire empire. Tim knew that Kon was in a similar position. He was also a hero and worked with the Legion of Superheroes.
“What do you think, Conner?”
“Peanut would be proud to have Red Robin as her mom.” Kon would always worry for Tim when he left in his costume. However, he would never change or take Robin’s colours from him. He fell in love with that side of him and he knew how important it was to Tim. Each time he tried to retire, something would draw Tim back. The only thing Kon could do was trust and protect him. “Superboy saves people during the day and Red Robin patrols at night. We can make that work.”
“I’m not missing our pup’s first steps.” Tim vowed to himself and Marina inside him. He didn’t know what the future would be except for the fact that he would do anything for their baby.
If in Double Entry, FV Adam is actually a sweetheart. He's weary of everything, but trusts Alastor as the first man. He treats Lilith with kindness. Until she treats him as less than, and he decides not to bother with even being near her. He's not sexist, or bigoted. Yes, God told him men were above women. That men lead and women follow. But he's taking a page from Alastor's behavior.
Because God loves Alastor.
Because Alastor is easy to love.
Because the true First Man is someone to admire and look up to.
Because Alastor is perfect.
When Lilith falls, Adam is worried about what that means for Alastor. The man just lost his life partner. To a Fallen Angel, of all things!!!
And maybe it's just the two of them for a while, until God asks Adam for his rib. He knows that Alastor gave his teeth to make the Guardian Angels he views as daughters. But God said that this was so Adam had a life partner too. Adam isn't sure why he can't be Alastor's life partner, but figured they could share Eve. And Eve is loved by her husband. And they both love Alastor.
Eve still is haunted by the memory of Alastor taking a bite of the Apple. Saying that the Garden wasn't where he wanted to be. He wanted to explore Earth, God's creation they were meant to inherit. And though he was angry, God understood.
Adam did not.
This is what started his downward spiral.
-
Alastor's Soul couldn't be located in the cycle of rebirth. After hundreds of thousands of years, Alastor was able to conceal when he was reincarnated. Pushing Adam even further into destructive tendencies. The Angels could understand.
They all blamed Lucifer, as well. Even though the Fallen had seemed to have no clue and had been devastated at the news of the missing Soul.
Adam pushed harder for Exterminations, until finally Sera gave in. Seven years of permanently ending the Souls of Sinners had Adam feeling vindicated. The princess talking about redemption made him laugh.
It wasn't until he was face to face against Alastor did he feel regret.
(There's the question of did Adam try to talk to Alastor upon realizing who he was? Or did he realize that Alastor, in all his stubborn glory, wouldn't come easily, and decided to just beat down the 'First Man'?)
I was actually going to have F!Adam as the good version, compared to the asshole Mother/Canon version! Then I changed my mind lol
Adam knowing that, to make humanity, you need a Man and a Woman, and figuring he and Eve and Maybe Alastor with Eve can do that, and all of them can be Life Partners Together! Eve is all for this! The Second Humans invent Polyamory!
Alastor: I'm so glad this Adam is a different one to the one who killed me, he's a good child, he and Eve are very in love, they've started making progress and Eve is even pregnant!
Okay, time to leave the Garden.
Father understands his son wanting to strike out on his own (and invent and explore and create, like Him).
Adam doesn't. What's wrong with the Garden?
Lucifer shows up. Adam and Eve are tricked and tempted.
They leave the Garden, and find Alastor, waiting for them, and for a while, they are happy.
But then they die, and while THEY go to Heaven - Alastor didn't. He's not in Hell.
(Is it because he was the First to Eat the Apple? They wonder. Well, Eve wonders. Adam blames Lucifer.)
Adam is only kept back by his wife and Children, but as time passes, he comes up with the idea of Exterminations. To punish Hell, and the couple that destroyed Alastor's soul (he thinks).
And then he sees Alastor again. And he's a SINNER.
(He probably decides to beat him and bring him home, calling out to Lute, who also recognizes Alastor, that when he's done take him home to heaven.)
In this AU, would Vaggi have been the one to bring Alastor to the Hotel in hopes of getting him redeemed or did he come to the Hotel himself after seeing the interview and, upon recognising him, she resolves to protect both him and Charlie from Heaven (whose to say they wouldn't harm him as they did her) as well as the King and Queen of Hell?
For similar reasons, I presume Vaggi did not suggest asking Charlie's dad for help in this timeline?
I'd imagine this is where he sells his Soul to go to Hell. Not knowing he wasn't going to go to Hell. So his deal with Rosie keeps him a Demon. He goes to the Hotel for the same reason as before, because Rosie ordered it.
This is also a world in which they did a radio commercial and a TV commercial. Vaggie listening to his concerns over technology, and finds spyware. Feeling like she has her dad and her girlfriend meeting and doesn't want this ruined. And, she knows that if she recognizes Alastor, so too will Lucifer. And any of the Exorcists.
So she doesn't tell Charlie to ask her dad for help.
Alastor asks Charlie why she doesn't ask Lucifer for help. After all, she's his daughter. He has to care somewhat, right? Vaggie feels like bashing her head in. She tries to tell Alastor he really shouldn't meet the Devil. Is even borderline willing to make another deal with him.
Once Lucifer walks in, he realizes something is a miss. There's a tang in the air of something familiar. He doesn't understand what it is, but it puts him on edge.
Father!Lucifer is mocking and deriding of Charlie's attempts, but agrees to get her a meeting with heaven because she is (with help from Alastor who Vaggie asked to write out a script for her) able to taunt/prod his pride enough to do so.
Magne, meanwhile, keeps looking around, senses tingling at the feeling of SOMETHING.
Like he needs to be on guard or hes gonna be yeeted into a pond...
From everyone who isn't in the know's perspectives, it looks like Adam went from wanting to kill Sinners, saw Alastor, had a full freeze while looking him up and down, and decided he was going to break Alastor's legs and drag him to Heaven.
Made even worse as Adam is saying shit to either threaten Alastor or tempt him. Sprinkled with some inside thoughts spoken out loud.
"I finally found you!"
"I just want to talk. Stop running from me!"
"I'm going to break your fucking legs so you can't ever leave again."
"Once I get you back to Heaven, you'll be so much happier."
"Why would you want to stay in Hell?"
"You're so thin. Lucifer isn't doing a good job of keeping you, now is he?"
"Are blackberries still your favorite? What about that gumbo you used to make?"
"I can be better. Just come with me. I can keep you better than that loser."
"I know how Hell treats it's prey Sinners. Wouldn't you rather be safe? I can keep you safe."
"Come here pretty doe. Let's get you back where you belong."
"Are roses still your favorite? The red ones. You always liked them with their thorns. I made a garden for you. I can't wait for you to see it."
"My dear. My heart." (Alastor hears this as 'My deer. My hart.' and thinks Adam is treating him like an exotic pet.)
Then Lucifer joins the battle, because Adam injured her shoving her out of his way to try to get Alastor. Adam accuses him of hiding Alastor from him for too long. How he knew it was the Fallen 's fault. Lucifer is confused until he sees the First Man turned Sinner.
He also freezes, looking Alastor up and down. Before he's interrupted by Adam attacking him for looking at Alastor like that.
Alastor is so confused and genuinely scared. Vaggie is the one to tell him that this was why she wanted him out of sight. Because Alastor is a reincarnated Soul, and both his ex's just found out he's back.
Now I'm just thinking of Vaggi screaming at them that her dad has no memories of any of them and that they're acting like kids with a toy. Her dad is not a doll to be tugged around!
And that's how Alastor finds out that Charlie's girlfriend, her bodyguard and protector, the ex- Exorcist of the Hotel, is his daughter. And he's suddenly remembering that she was cast from Heaven and had her eye gouged out. And Adam is suddenly not scary. Not at all.
Because Adam hurt a child of Alastor's. He may not have memories of this supposed past life. But damn everything that touches what's his.
And he gets told that he's the father of all the original Exorcists. Made from his teeth. That he called them Guardian Angels and gave them names and dubbed them his daughters. Than Adam took charge of them and ordered them to become killers. To slay Sinners in retribution of Alastor, who everyone thought was stolen by Lucifer.
Vox's drones catch everything.
Alastor touches the teeth in his mouth in contemplation. Then asks if it was possible he could create more like them? Vaggi isn't sure. Alastor's teeth were taken by God, just as he took Adam's rib to make Eve.
(Maybe Vox thinks about creating his own army from the Alastor's teeth. After all, if he was the one to help Alastor make them, that army would be their daughters.)
Idea! After learning his past life protector daughters have been turned into soldiers for mindless slaughter, his suppressed Inner Parent flares and so do his powers.
Out of instinct, he Broadcasts a Command of “STOP” to suppress Lucifer and Adam mid-fight and goes to maul the Second Man for turning his babies into weapons.
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Okay, but like, what if Alastor met some of Lucifer's brothers while he was alive and actively trying to find a way to contact a demon in hell?
Uriel: How the fuck did you summon me? I'd be impressed if I weren't highly concerned about the blood surrounding me.
Alastor: Shit. Well, if you're not a demon then I have no use for you. (Aiming his shotgun) Please get out of my house.
Uriel(Stomps his feet in frustration): Are you kidding me right now?!-
* * * *
Micheal: I’m not sure if I’m amused by your consistent failure or deeply curious as to how you keep fucking this up but I'll settle for finding this funny as fuck.
Alastor: Why do you keep answering my summons? Azrael is still refusing to leave even though I did the ritual a week ago.
Azrael(Leaning in suggestively): Aw, you want to leave after you called out to me so passionately? The days we’ve spent together were just as passionate~.
Alastor(Loading his shotgun): Hardly! You kept sneaking into my room to watch me sleep at night. Go home!
Uriel: Okay, I’m like 90% sure that, out of the three of us, Azrael is the only one who’s been purposefully looking out for and answering your summons.
Azrael(Ignores Uriel): I could leave but – and hear me out on this mind blowing idea – you could stop trying to summon a demon.
Alastor: I could but – and hear me out on this equally mind blowing idea – I am definitely going to end up in hell and I refused to go in unprepared.
Michael: I'm starting to question if this whole situation is trying to tell us something. You should have been able to summon a demon by now considering your sigil and rituals have been perfect. Yet, you have somehow only been able to summon angels – the highest ranked angels – even though your sigils are nowhere near close to what ours are supposed to look like.
Alastor(Bringing out his shotgun): If you’re trying to convince me that I have some sort of good in me, I don’t want to hear it. Shut up and get the fuck out of my house.
Uriel(Starts eating Alastor’s cookies in the corner): Come on, Alastor! You know that doesn’t work on us. Why don’t we just chalk this up to father being weird and bond as friends?
Michael: Actually, you're kind of giving me an idea . . .
* * * *
Alastor: I didn't even summon you guys. Don't you guys have jobs?
Azrael(Slings his arm around Alastor’s shoulders): Pay it no mind, friend.
Alastor(Shivering): You're being weird. Stop it.
Uriel: What's wrong about being weird when you're amongst friends?
Michael: Well, friend, we have a little request considering you are definitely going to hell.
Alastor: What kind of request?
Azrael: Alright, so you know our brother Lucifer, right? Well, we would love it if you messed with him whenever you can while you’re in hell. (Reaches out his hand) Do this and we let you have regular contact with your mother.
Alastor: Deal. What do you want me to do exactly?
Michael(Bringing out a list): I want you to drop a fucking piano on his head.
* * * *
Lucifer: Charlie, I can’t exactly bond easily with the guy who was so ready to drop a piano on my head.
Alastor: Oh, please! I was just a little something to help with that fragile ego you seem to have.
Lucifer: Oh? And what exactly told you that I need something like that? The voices in your head, you psychotic freak!?
Alastor: You could say it was a little divine encouragement . . .
Azrael(Hiding in Alastor’s shadow and recording): Oh, this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a long while. Continue on like this and I might just have to marry you.
scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 17 (masterpost here)
*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*
Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.
Tim: *tapping at his phone*
Jason: Tim, what's your handle?
Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.
Dick: what are you doing?
Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.
Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?
Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.
Alfred:
Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?
Dick, without blinking: yup.
Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.
Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?
Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.
Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.
Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?
Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.
Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!
*keyboard tapping*
Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.
Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*
Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,
Alfred: *starting to get concerned*
Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?
Dick: *crying*
Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.
Jason, clapping: YES,
Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'
Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,
Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,
Alfred: tea, anybody?
Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.
[DC] oh no…I turned timkon into a miraculous ladybug lovesquare 🤒
Anyways this will barely make sense but Conner -> Tim / Robin -> Superboy is sort of supposed to be like the early timkon dynamic in the comics where they’d sometimes butt heads, but then the Tim -> Conner/Superboy-> Robin is supposed to be like later timkon where there’s more obvious admiration lololol
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can we have ma , pa kent and the rest or the super fam's reaction to timkon baby . its just been so stuck in my mind little baby
Pa, holding the baby: So this is our great-grandson?
Clark: No, Pa, not-
Pa, glaring at Clark: This is our great-grandson, Clark. Our great-grandboy.
Clark: He has Conner's DNA and Tim's, he's like Conner was, not really-
Pa, adamantly: I'm a farmer, Clark. I know all about DNA and genes and I got to say, he's got my nose. Like you did.
Clark: Sure, pop.
Ma, holding her great-grandson: You remind me so much of your grandpa. But you won't chew on my vacuum cleaner, won't you? No, you won't, because your mommy is so clever, isn't he? Tim, dear, have another cookie.
Tim, full to bursting: Mrs Kent-
Ma: You know full well that it's Ma. And you need your strength. Now, once you're done your cookies, you go have a lie down, you hear?
Lois, eyeing Clark pushing a pram: Did you fuck Bruce Wayne again?
Clark: Oh my god Lois, Dick is not my biological son, put away the red string, you didn't connect the dots.
Tim, walking into the Batcave and noticing everyone’s distraught appearance: What’s wrong?? Who died??
Stephanie: We have bad news Tim. You should sit down.
Tim: Oh shit did someone actually die?? Who was it this time?
Dick: Remember that civilian that we catch trailing after us every so often? The one who was involved in the Penguin incident awhile ago?
Tim: Oh. Clarissa O’Neal? What about her?
Damian: She was taken hostage by one of Black Masks henchmen. We didn’t make it in time to save her.
Tim: ? And that’s why you guys are so upset? C’mon guys lighten up, it’s movie night
Jason, getting visibly pissed: What the Fuck dude. A civilian we were close to fucking died because we didn’t make it in time
Dick: I know you didn’t like her much but show a bit of empathy Timmy. You usually take these situations seriously
Tim: I’ve been trying to kill her off for ages. Why would I be upset??
Steph: Tim you have 10 seconds to fix your attitude before i fix it for you
Jason: Since when do you take people’s lives so lightly? Dude you need to leave before I do something i regret.
Tim: I didn’t know you guys were so attached to her. I could revive her if you want, but honestly it’s more effort than it’s worth. And she was getting unwanted attention from the rogues so she had to go.
Damian: Revive?? Timothy what are you on about? And why are you saying that like you personally set up her demise?
Tim: Because I did? The planning for it took forever but I have to admit everything went a lot better than I was expecting.
Dick: TIM WHAT—
Jason: WHAT THE HELL—
Damian: MURDER? You?!
Steph, screaming over everyone else: WAIT SHUT UP
Steph: TIM NO YOU DID NOT
Steph: TIM DON’T TELL ME YOU DID IT AGAIN
Dick: Again?!? What are you talking about?!
Steph, laughing: Guys calm down. HE was Clarissa
Tim: You guys didn’t know??
Jason: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE HISPANIC LOOKING WOMEN IN HER MID TWENTIES AND A CRIME ALLEY ACCENT WAS YOU
Dick: Tim i am THIS CLOSE to burning down your disguise room.
Damian: Timothy explain yourself
Tim: I had an undercover op that I needed a female field agent for a couple years ago to infiltrate penguins operations. Over time She became a bit too important and Black mask was threatening her. So I decided to kill her off. I got the info I needed already and it was becoming a bit of a drag keeping up appearances
Steph: You need to stop getting us emotionally invested in your aliases and then killing them off. This is the fourth time you did this to me. I’ll never forgive you for Alvin Draper, I still grieve him even though i know you’re alive!
Tim: YOU guys need to start recognizing me in disguise. Worlds greatest detectives MY ASS
Jason: DUDE YOU GAVE YOURSELF DOUBLE D’s WHY WOULD WE ASSUME THAT WAS YOU
Damian: My training in this area has been neglected. Timothy show me your disguise lair
Tim: Sure, after movie night. Let’s go
Dick: This is gonna bite us in the ass. Damian is already so good at impressions. We will never know if someone we are talking to is him or not
Tim: LMAO When i’m done with him? Yea everyone’s fucked
Steph: It’s gonna give Roger from American dad
Bruce from the corner: *Breathes a sigh of relief*
Bruce at the Batcomputer: *Sighs and moves Clarissa O’Neal from ‘Real Civilian Death’ folder to ‘Tim’s Fake Identities’ folder. Creates new folder labeled ‘Damian’s Fake Identities’
Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now
Damian: What are you arguing about?
Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.
Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again
Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.
Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.
Cas: Leader
Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?
Tim: No i called dibs on Jason
Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?
Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.
Jason: …
Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P
Dick: I don’t wanna!
Tim: What, do you wanna switch?
Dick: Well, no—
Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.
Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.
Tim: Okay. Be Batman.
Dick: …
Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.
Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?
Cass: Dibs
Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair
Bruce, who’s been sitting at the dining room table with them the whole time: Are you done dividing my assets and responsibilities between yourselves now? Can we eat our dinner?
Damian: Out of respect for the Robin name, I have been researching the person who originated it: Mary Grayson (nee Lloyd).
Bruce: Oh, find anything good?
Damian: Were you aware she had a criminal record?
Bruce: Yes.
Tim: Of course. I have a copy of it at home.
Jason: I mean I didn't. But I'm not surprised.
Damian: Why not?
Jason: Because I've met her son. I imagine Mary Grayson was involved in every anti-authoritarian protest she came across on her travels. What I would be more interested in is learning exactly what Janet Drake was up to to create Master Stalker over there.
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