A messy bitch.

i’m very self aware. which unfortunately hasn’t solved anything

“I ate an edible last night” yeah I did too you dumb fuck it’s called food for dinner

"smart appliances" fuck u i want them dumb as a brick and incidentally as sturdy and enduring

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

i bring a "technically i could do this tomorrow" energy to things that tomorrow me really resents

does anyone mind if i procrastinate and make my own life really really hard

The fact of the matter is that I do not want to do it

"do what?" you might wonder. well. [gestures broadly]

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of someone else's actions that I am directly impacted and severely affected by

i am not immune to the siren song of cheese and crackers

weve decided not to move forward with you at this position because a meteor has hit our office and destroyed the whole shit big mode. we hope your job search goes well

remember to be scared all day so youre not caught off guard when it happens

I used to be a proficient googler who never wasted a word but since Google is near useless no matter how good you are at it now I have reverted to just typing in entire questions like an old person

they should invent a brain that doesn’t tell you mean things at night time

*shuffling my playlist repeatedly* no obviously i dont wanna listen to that one right now. you moron. you fuckhead. come on. you can do better