awooo

….why didn’t he shoot the mountain lion?

lol what are you, a gun cuck? cant kill a large predator with your own hands?

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

here is my life philosophy: next week there might be someone ahead of you in line at the store who’s short a quarter and you have a quarter and you can give it to them. if you weren’t there, they’d have to put something back. the week after that you could be getting lunch and the waiter might ask if you want some pancakes someone else ordered and never picked up. you could find someone’s lost cat. you could watch someone’s bag while they go to the restroom. there are so many ways you are going to touch other people’s lives and they are going to touch yours and there’s no way to know when it’s going to happen. so you have to keep living!!! i wouldn’t want to die today knowing that tomorrow the barista will give me free oat milk just to be nice. 

Oh noooooooo! The mystery is solved! You’ve solved my final riddle, you are ze new riddle master... Congratulations… You have proven yourselves... quite the adventurers... oh, I’ve landed on Bryan- Bryan, ahhh… Bryan, I’m so proud of zem… I’m going to die now... My life is flagging from my body... I’ll see my family... goodbye cruel worrrrld-

[Image description: a man in black and white colours is floating, looking up with an uncomfortable expression. He has pale skin and black hair, and wearing a checkered dress shirt, a nametag, a grey tie, black pants and grey shoes. There is a yellow line in the background, showing 5 rows that are parallel, and the man doesn't cover the first and last rows. In the 5th row, the end of the line can be seen ending in an arrow next to the man's legs. Between the 2nd and 3rd row of the line, a text can be seen in black colour. The left side reads "The Stanley Parable". The right side reads "#427". Aside from the line, the background is white. End of image description.]

sorting r/twosentencehorror by most controversial really does just give you an absolute banger every time