a chaos bean.

to be fair to Cain if nobody had ever died before and I didn't know it was possible I would probably also hit my brother over the head with a rock if he was being really annoying

constantly making airy offhand comments to my preferred younger son about how he’s next in line for the throne after his brother but he still hasn’t killed my detested firstborn for me. kids these days have no fucking initiative.

I keep sending them off on “boar hunts” together and wouldn’t you know? they keep coming back after with big smiles and boar heads and the unmistakable stench of brotherly camaraderie. what sick sad days are these!

do you ever form close relationships with people in your dreams and then feel a little sad when you wake up

i had a son in one of my dreams, he was 3 or 4, i loved him so much, i don’t remember his name but i remember loving him so much, and then i woke up and he was gone

tldr: boy have i ever

ok you know what it’s been long enough. and i’ve had enough vague accusations of ‘stealing’ the plot of my own dream from various sci fi series as if dying is not the only narratively compelling thing you can do on a stranded spaceship so i will tell you all the secret. the missing piece. what actually inspired this dream. the one thing i didn’t say. it was among us. we were all those stupid fucking amogus characters running around a dream-approximation of that one map with the long hallway and the greenhouse room. everything else about the plot and the emotions involved is all true. i’ve never even seen any of the shows people keep talking about in the comments

Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi

those are his hooves you bitch

happy 10 years of those are his hooves you bitch

why the FUCK am i still on here

I like this site. Y’all just shotgunning counterfactual timelines

psychoanalyzing the gender/identity dichotomy between ice skating and ice hockey and coming to the more objectively correct conclusion that ice hockey is rooted in motherly feminine behavior of protecting the nest and that ice skating is about masculine peacocking of one's own physical prowess in seeking a mate

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shoutout to gerard way for unapologetically being a strange and offputting freak i aim to channel that energy at all times