my monthly obsessions

yes exactly!!!

as far as I can tell from what I've watched, there actually hasn't been a moment where Splinter really lays down expectations on Leo to the degree he's feeling it. I think the closest we get is in Return to New York Part 3, and in Secret Origins Part 2. In both cases, Splinter gets too injured to fight, and Leo manages to get him out of there and Splinter gives him some advice and direction. in Return to New York, he says "You must return to the battle. Protect your brothers. Defeat the Shredder. I will be there with you in spirit. Now go. Leave me." and in Secret Origins he tells Leo "Leonardo, listen, there is little time. This virtual reality is an illusion within an illusion. An illusion of the mind. Control your mind and you will control the illusion." both occasions, i see it as him, yes, giving Leo responsibilities but 1) it's for this specific moment, and 2) I honestly think it could have been any of the turtles, and Splinter would have given similar sort of speeches to them. It's just bad luck that BOTH times were Leo, so likely the expectations he's been putting on himself got reinforced a little here. Splinter does also say, in Return to New York, "I know you will lead your brothers well, my son." but that was very much intended as Splinter showing his faith in Leo and an expression of him being proud of who Leo has become so far imo. How Leo took it, was probably a little different, unfortunately. The way I think it happened is that the repeated stress of him and his family almost dying intersected terribly with his natural inclination to look out for his brothers and his drive to perfect his ninjutsu, so that it warped it from a "want" to a "must". Excelling at ninjutsu stopped being something he did because he wanted it, and instead became something he HAD to be to keep his family safe.

If i had to pinpoint a moment where the change happened, I think it would be due to the Shredder Strikes Back arc. He fought for his life, completely unable to escape the Shredder's forces. And the Shredder was more or less toying with him, by running him down until he couldn't fight anymore, and could use him to send a message to the rest of his family. After that, I think Leo is excruciatingly aware of the sheer difference in ability, that his skills mean nothing in the face of such overwhelming odds, and that the Shredder could have killed him long before he got thrown through that window. That if they're not careful, he could kill all of them.

And then there's the Tales of Leo episode, which, i'll admit, I do have some mixed feelings about. Because, again, it's very clear that this is an outpouring of love and support for Leo, showing their appreciation for him and who he is. But, I did, and i still do, feel a little uneasy over how at least half of the stories showcase Leo helping or saving a family member. And then Don says stuff like "You have to. I mean, you know what kind of trouble we’d get in without you." and Raph is like "who needs ya?" before then telling his story, almost as if saying that they do in fact need him.

So that combined with what just happened with the Shredder along with the tidbit of personality we get from Splinter's story where Leo will push past his fear if it means saving his family, I really would not be surprised at all if this is where Leo starts putting pressure on himself to be perfect because he thinks his family needs him to be. And of course, since Leo doesn't talk at all about what's going on his head, his family has no idea at all that he's doing this to himself, using them to demand perfection of himself, and thus can't do anything to stop it until it's too late.

As a side note, I was looking through the transcript of Return to New York Part 1 while writing this because I remembered there was a moment here where Leo doubted himself and I wanted to refresh my memory, and boy oh boy did I find an interesting moment!! Leonardo: "I—I was just remembering the last time I tangled with Shredder’s elite ninja. I—I don’t want to let my brothers down."

I might be wrong, but I think that's the first time Leo expresses that sentiment, this worry of letting down his brothers, the implication that his brothers might be expecting something of him, and this is almost right after the Shredders Strikes Back and Tales of Leo. I might actually be right about this, that's wild actually

it's like, because they focused a bit too hard on what Leo does for them, Leo also ended up focusing too hard on that part if that makes sense? and ended up internalizing this idea that his brothers need him to protect and save them, hence those visions he has of them during the Ancient One.

YES i cheated: i used textures for the background… too lazy to draw trees and leaves and trunks (don’t look at me like that!) and it’s a good technique to hide your terrible linearts!

soooooo…. here a request i received for the Burr/Hamilton duel and i was like ‘why not?’. they are supposed to be old and Hamilton a little chubby but my hands hate me and i have another idea of drawing rn. it’s awfull. it’s historically inaccurate. i’m sorry. leave me alone!!!

“Everyone falls silent as the door creaks open, and a familiar figure strides in, looking around curiously. No one says a thing, and everyone stares at him in surprise. However, at the sight of the man, the General stands in the corner with a small, knowing smile on his face.

Meade grins.

“Glad you could make it, Hammie.””

———

Hamilton just happens to be shot on the birthday of Richard Kidder Meade, a fellow aide de camp during the war.

When Alexander finally makes it to the afterlife, the aides are there waiting for him, and he is at home, at last.

Helloooo everyone! Me and @in-some-future-time wrote this fic for the wonderful @critical-endangered based on her prompt of Alexander meeting Meade in the afterlife, since he was shot on Meade’s birthday!

of course! I’m not sure if this is any better because tumblr nerfs the quality but

She loved Alexander and Eliza from day one

Her and Angelica were an adorable chaotic duo, where Angie was the tomboy and rebellious one while Fanny was the sweet, behaving girl who tried to convince Angie to not do something foolish or risky. In the end however, she always gave in to Angie because deep inside, Fanny also has a tomboyish side and she likes to let that side free

Never felt out of place in the Hamilton household, even though she knew she wasn't an actual Hamilton, because Alexander and Eliza treated her as if she was their own daughter and the Hamkids treated her as if she was their biological sister. Only love uwu

She clinged terribly to Alexander after the news of her father's passing, asking him if he will leave too

Unbeatable in any games

Adores her brothers (as in Philip, Alex Jr., James and John)

She didn't want to leave the Hamiltons at first and instead go live with her sister. She was stubborn like a rock.

Angie and Eliza, with a heavy heart, convinced her to go

A lot of tears were shed when she hugged everyone goodbye